<3jesus Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I'm in need of a little advice. I have been discerning religious life off and on for a little over a year. I am not certain about my vocational call but my prayer has overwhelmingly shown me that God will present me with His plans for me in His own time and I just need to trust in Him. So there is this holy guy in my life who is discerning the priesthood but is about at the same level of clarity in his vocation as I am--muddy at best. We met through a Catholic fellowship that we are both in and we go to the same spiritual director. Overall we have a lot of things in common and have a great friendship. Here's where there's a kink in the rope--we are both attracted to each other and I think about dating him and I am sure he has the same thoughts about dating me. I am conflicted whether this would be faithful to our discernment processes or even emotionally chaste. Is is bad to start dating someone if you think you could be called to another vocation? And in our case, it's both of us. I would just talk about this to my spiritual director but because we both go to the same director, I don't want to reveal anything that he isn't willing to confide in the director. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I would suggest talking to your SD about it. My personal take on dating is no. Not while I am discerning. Too many emotions get involved with me and I would be too clouded to discern spirits. Again, this is just the approach I am taking on my own discernment. I wouldn't want to tempt my vocation to religious life (if I have one).... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PadrePioOfPietrelcino Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Talk to your SD...you can let him know the situation without giving an identity if that makes you uncomfortable... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inperpetuity Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I tried this. All it did was confuse me and delay my ability to make a decision, and cause a great deal of pain. It was early in my discernment process and my sd at the time told me that it wasn't a good idea. I didn't listen and it took a long time to get clarity back. I didn't see what the big deal was and thought oh, I can handle this. I see now that it would have been better to discern without subjecting my emotions to all the turmoil of vascillating between two very strong desires. Actually, marriage was more of a desire in my case, not a call. Don't get me wrong, God is good and He did help me to get back on track, but it was a long, painful process. To be honest, although I wouldn't do this now, I see now that I was not spiritually or emotionally strong enough not to do it when I did, and consequently full of self will. I was always one of those who had to learn the hard way. I'm still amazed at times when I think about it that I still believe that God is calling me to the consecrated life. Maybe you could try this and come through it more gracefully, but talking about it with your sd is always a good idea. I myself wouldn't be worried about the identity, that might actually help your sd to help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToJesusMyHeart Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Don't date at the same time you are discerning religious life. It just muddies each discernment even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carmenchristi Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 I agree with everyone else. Dating while discerning is not a good idea. If you do so, you are essentially discerning two specific vocations at once. You should be dating when you are actively discerning marriage, not if you are kinda sorta maybe discerning. It's fine to be at that point, but why create more confusion when things are already unclear? When I was halfway with my discernment, I was worried about how I should react if someone were to be interested in me. I was glad though that the problem didn't present itself before I could reasonably rule out religious life. Now I'm just waiting to have that problem :love:And plus, if he discerns priesthood and you marriage, you could be setting yourself up for a heartbreak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Dating is different from having a good, supportive friendship, however. People who are discerning NEED friends. Just be really clear what the boundaries are, and have a plan in case one or the other of you wants to cross those.... but I do believe it is possible to have an opposite-sex friend while discerning... and that it actually can help to have someone you can talk about the process with. Men and women think differently..... my 2 cents.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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