In The Wake Of This Tragedy

[kujo]

 

Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year-old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

"I can wear these pants," he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

"They are navy blue," I told him. "Your school's dress code says black or khaki pants only."

"They told me I could wear these," he insisted. "You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"

"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn't have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don't know what's wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He's been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood-altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he's in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He's in a good mood most of the time. But when he's not, watch out. And it's impossible to predict what will set him off.

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district's most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can't function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30 to 1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, "Look, Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I have video games back today?"

"No way," I told him. "You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly."

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. "Then I'm going to kill myself," he said. "I'm going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself."

That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.

"Where are you taking me?" he said, suddenly worried. "Where are we going?"

"You know where we are going," I replied.

"No! You can't do that to me! You're sending me to hell! You're sending me straight to hell!"

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. "Call the police," I said. "Hurry."

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn't escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I'm still stronger than he is, but I won't be for much longer.

The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—"Were there any difficulties with… at what age did your child… were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have…"

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You'll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, "I hate you. And I'm going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here."

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I've heard those promises for years. I don't believe them anymore.

On the intake form, under the question, "What are your expectations for treatment?" I wrote, "I need help."

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza's mother. I am Dylan Klebold's and Eric Harris's mother. I am Jason Holmes's mother. I am Jared Loughner's mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho's mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it's easy to talk about guns. But it's time to talk about mental illness.

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

When I asked my son's social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. "If he's back in the system, they'll create a paper trail," he said. "That's the only way you're ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you've got charges."

I don't believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael's sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn't deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise—in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population.

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill—Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation's largest treatment centers in 2011.

No one wants to send a 13-year-old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, "Something must be done."

I agree that something must be done. It's time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That's the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.

 

Source: http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother

[Winchester]

Who said that this right is endowed by God?

 

No one has to.

 

All I say is that you don't grant me my rights. Nor does any other man. I own me. You own you.

[kujo]

No one has to.

 

All I say is that you don't grant me my rights. Nor does any other man. I own me. You own you.

 

 

That makes no sense. And I have no patience for the Winchester obstructionism and trolling as it pertains to this topic.

[Winchester]

That makes no sense. And I have no patience for the Winchester obstructionism and trolling as it pertains to this topic.

 

Then who owns me? Who issues human rights? You?

 

This isn't trolling. This is me rejecting your belief in slavery.

[kujo]

Then who owns me? Who issues human rights? You?

 

This isn't trolling. This is me rejecting your belief in slavery.

 

 

Not taking the bait, bro. Just not going to do it. 

[Winchester]

Not taking the bait, bro. Just not going to do it. 

 

It's not bait. It's a moral position. I don't expect an argument, from you. You've taken an emotional position. That's completely understandable.

[Jesus_lol]

 

1) I don't think I've heard any serious person suggest that we should pass a law which "basically" bans all guns. That's a strawman, which is a fallacy. So much for your pro-gun logic.

 

2) Why did this lady have an AR-15 rifle? I support the idea that people without a history of crime or mental-illness should be able to own a handgun, provided they are duly licensed and that this license is renewed by the individual every few years, having proven that they are still sane and capable of handling the weapon safely. But this sort of rifle...what the hell is up with that?

 

 

1) I have directly talked to a lot of people recently advocating that very thing.

 

2) contrary to popular opinion, the AR15 is nothing special as far as rifles go. It is completely identical in function(semi auto, mag fed .223) as this hunting rifle here

The only difference being that the AR15  is scarier looking and made of black plastic.

 

This is how easy it is to turn a regular rifle into a "Scary one that no one should conceivably own", just change the stock

 

As far as common use goes, semi auto matics and mag fed rifles, and semi auto shotguns have been extremely common in both hunting, target shooting and self defense for the past 80 years.My grandpa used exclusively semi auto rifles and shotguns(he is the type that will only ever drive automatics) to hunt moose, bear, elk, deer and al manner of game birds back in the 1950s and 1960s.

 

If you want a serious comparison of your average semi auto deer rifle and an AR 15? The biggest difference in function tends to be that hunting rifles are chambered in far more powerful rounds. But AR15s are used as the ideal gun for hunting feral pigs, coyotes and other small game.

Edited December 17, 2012 by Jesus_lol

[Jesus_lol]

And since i think Kujo mentioned they are no good in self defense, i gotta ask, what makes you say that? Modern thinking is actually that AR15's are ideal for defending yourself in the home, as a proper soft point .223 round will not penetrate through as much interior walls as any other rifle round, and significantly less than 9mm, or .45 or 00 buckshot.

Very light and very fast, it delivers way more stopping power than any heavier slower pistol round, and quickly loses energy when passing through walls, etc. Repeated testing has shown this to be true.

 

 

In other words, if you miss the intruder with the AR15 it wont punch through 6 layers of drywall and then kill an innocent person on the other side. That combined with rifles being easier to use and accurately aim than pistols makes them the ideal choice if you have them on hand.

[Winchester]

Why don't cops operating CQB use shotguns exclusively? Could it possibly be that rifles are good for combat within a home? No, of course not.

[StMichael]

1. That's your interpretation, not some universally held belief.

 

2. You shouldn't have the right to have that weapon. If the possibility for this sort of thing is the price of the 2nd Amendment, then there's something wrong with the Constitution.

 

There is nothing wrong with the US Constitution.

 

Blame lies with the person. 

 

It is foolish to blame a gun, as none were used in Oklahoma, and 168 people were killed, including 19 children. 

 

Evil finds a way, no matter what.

 

Good has to fight evil, and in the case of the US, we need to acknowledge that evil exists. 

[Winchester]

There is nothing wrong with the US Constitution.

 

“But whether the Constitution really be one thing, or another, this much is certain - that it has either authorized such a government as we have had, or has been powerless to prevent it. In either case, it is unfit to exist.” Lysander Spooner

[God the Father]

1. That's your interpretation, not some universally held belief.

 

2. You shouldn't have the right to have that weapon. If the possibility for this sort of thing is the price of the 2nd Amendment, then there's something wrong with the Constitution.

 

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoMatterHowMuchIBeg

 

 

This pertains to the Constitution in the sense that the people who wrote it understood there would be challenges to it. The people who wrote it came from nations that were already a thousand years old (estimation there) that probably had some cultural changes during their establishment.

 

And yet they still intended a mainly static document to be the overarching law of the land, exactly because they [i]knew[/i] there would be challenges to it. So yeah, there's an argument to change the Constitution. But that's opening the door. And for whatever reason, the people who invented America suggested we think long and hard, not [i]impulsively, reactively[/i] before we open the door.

 

Winchester, by the way, is completely correct about the nature of rights. We are born with them in the presence or absence of God, granted by reality and taken by oppressors who must [i]act[/i] to prevent their exercise. Rights exist without action, they simply exist.

Edited December 17, 2012 by God the Father

[Era Might]

The experience you're talking about is empathy. People grieve when these events occur, even if they have no direct tie to the event, because they empathize with the humans who were involved.

 

Yes, I'd say that's what I was getting at. Empathy is defined as:

 

 

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

 

"A mirror of the self" is basically what I was getting at. Empathy, or whatever you want to call it, seems to increase or lessen according to the degree to which the object reflects the self. So, for example, one can empathize with Christ precisely because we too are going to die like he did, and his death is tied up with ours. But one cannot really empathize with "God" because one has no conception of what it means to be God.

 

Anyway, I'm not trying to argue about all this, people will feel however they are going to feel. But it's a philosophical question that I must ask internally.

Edited December 17, 2012 by Era Might

[CatherineM]

Why are you guys debating gun control?

[theculturewarrior]

They are children, Catherine.