beatitude Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 God go with you Nunsense. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totally Franciscan Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 So happy for you! I will be thinking and praying for you on Christmas Eve. Please remember to pray for all of us here on Phatmass while you are before the Blessed Sacrament daily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Will miss you terribly... but VERY happy for you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pax_et bonum Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 O nunsense, it's coming up so fast! I've been keeping you in my prayers and will continue to after you enter. We will miss you dearly but are so happy for you! I'm so glad you get to spend Christmas with your sisters! Don't forget us poor discerners in your prayers, God bless you and Mary keep you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted December 19, 2012 Author Share Posted December 19, 2012 Thank you all for your last minute good wishes. Unfortunately they are a bit premature now as due to circumstances beyond my control, I am no longer master of my fate and captain of my soul (an old greeting card slightly reworded). Yes, God has a sense of humour. When I was informed via email by the visa office that my visa was in the mail and would be arriving shortly, I made the flight bookings and organised the entrance date of Christmas Eve. Well, when the passport arrived back, I checked the visa to make sure all was in order ---- yes, you guessed it - a hitch. The visa valid date is from the 30th of December! It would do me no good at all to arrive on the 21st as the visa would not be valid. *deep sigh* -- and back to the drawing board. Thank you God, I know that all shall be well. I spent all day yesterday both online and on the phone to various countries re-arranging and re-organising things. By the end of the day, I had the international and domestic flights changed, the coach from London changed and the motels organised (if not yet booked). I was waiting for confirmation from Mother about the new entrance date before confirming the hotel dates. So --- I will now be entering on the 4th of January - a day of no particular significance for the Church but it will be important to me. Mother was actually very pleased because she had been worried about me entering during a time of license (when Carmelites are allowed to socialise with each other). Even though I have spent a Christmas with them before and she was prepared not to delay my entrance, she felt that it wasn't a time that was really conducive to entering Carmel. Entering during a non-holiday, when the routine is back to normal, she feels is just so much better. God was listening to her it seems. As well as that, a friend of mine had wanted to be there when I entered, and she was going to be away on holidays during Christmas Eve so couldn't do so. Now she is free and able to come to WV the night before and go with me to the convent to enter. So God listened to her prayers too. And finally, my sister wanted to drive me to the airport at this end but was working on the 20th when I was scheduled to leave Melbourne. Now she can take me to the airport and say a proper goodbye. She is also glad that I will be here for the end of the world (her joke) and for Christmas (if there is no end of world). Her response to my woes was, 'Your God really does like to mess around with you doesn't He?' After the initial shock and disappointment, and all of the mad dash (with less than 24 hours til my flight) to get everything changed, I was finally able to sit down and have a good cry/laugh about it all. St Teresa said it best of course, 'If this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few of them!' :) And the people at the airlines and the National Express coach couldn't have been nicer when I phoned at the last minute to try to change things. And the change meant a re-routing from Melbourne instead of Sydney, which actually helps me out a lot, as I don't have to take a domestic flight to Sydney first. My flight now leaves directly from Melbourne and has only one stop along the way to London, at Bangkok for a change of planes. Really, God organised it all much better than I could ever have thought possible. I know that all of this confusion came about because I simply didn't have enough trust in Him. My sister says I am being too hard on myself but I know what was in my heart. I felt, as I always do, that I had to have everything organised and planned and executed down to the last detail in advance, so that it would seem as if things were under control. I pushed for the Christmas entrance date because I wanted it. I could have waited the extra few days for the visa to arrive in the mail, and then I would have seen the valid dates before I made any bookings. But I fearful about flights not being available over the holidays and prices going up so I thought I would just take things into my own hands. I knew it when I did it - I could feel the impatience building up inside me, but I didn't want to let go of the feeling of control. It's hard to explain if you haven't been through it yourself. I am a 'do-er' and think that if I don't do it, it won't get done. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being responsible and pro-active, but deep down inside I knew I was pushing the Spirit rather than allowing the Spirit to push me - if that makes sense. I was like the child in the car with Jesus - he has the driving wheel and I have the little play steering wheel that just gives me the illusion that I am driving the car :P. Once everything had been changed, I actually felt an incredible sense of relief and a weight off my shoulders. It had all been so rushed and I hadn't had time to be still inside for awhile. Now I have an extra 11 days to enjoy the holidays with my sister and her family, to help her out with Christmas and to focus on the meaning of the event - the coming of Our Lord. And to give thanks. In the end, I am so deeply happy by all that has happened because it shows me just how personal 'my God' is. At one point before the passport arrived in the mail, I was really starting to worry - thinking that maybe they had forgotten to mail it (even though they sent me an email saying it was on its way) and that the visa wouldn't arrive in time for the flight etc etc... when the words of Our Holy Mother St Teresa came back to me ... 'God alone is enough'. At that moment I thought, what am I worrying about so much? God Himself is my life - not all of this. And when I started to focus on Him and nothing else, then everything seemed to make sense again. So it really was funny when the visa arrived yesterday morning and after I signed for it and opened it, I saw the dates. You can imagine the expression on my face! :) The bubble of control was pierced and I almost heard God saying, 'Now will you let me take care of things?' Everything from that point on was a grace. Because it was what He wanted. I don't know why I have posted all of this. What has happened has been an eye opener for me though. Sometimes even though we know we are walking along a path, we can't seem to stop ourselves from letting go of God's hand and running ahead. It might be because we have an agenda or want something so much we can't trust that God will provide it, and try to take care of it ourselves. I'm learning that there has to be a marriage between the soul and God. He guides and directs, and we take the steps. We aren't the ones in the lead, He is. Impatience has always been a stumbling block for me because once I make a decison, I want it done yesterday. But there is a rhythm to life - just watch plants grow. My sister has some tomato plants in her garden, and first they were green leaves, and then they had little flowers and now small green tomatoes. She feeds them and waters them and nurtures them, but they grow at their own pace. I have the theory all down pay - it's living it that takes practice. Day by day... So keep all those prayers and good wishes in your hearts - I will enter, God willing, but in His time, not mine. :love: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Hermana, God has His timing.... some of which is becoming apparent. Thank you for sharing your journey -- even the frustrating parts -- with us in such great and glorious humility.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 I can feel those angels smiling and nodding their heads knowingly.......... Have to admit I was exactly the same take-charge-do-it-now person, whom God sought to turn into a Human Being rather than a human doing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitpèlerin Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 What a story! I'm smiling because I relate, not because I'm a doer who feels if she doesn't do things they won't get done, but because my mother is, we've clashed on this point my entire life, and I'm having a little chuckle at her expense. ;) Anyway, I'm so happy things are all working out for the best and that your entrance into your vocation is in God's hands . . . rather than your own ;) and that he's arranging all the details just perfectly. Could it be a bit of a prelude to what comes next? :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 I'm slowly realizing that I am a control freak. My impatience can really get the better of me. So I know exactly what you are talking about. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hna.Caridad Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Nunsense, I’m so happy for you!! (I’m also secretly glad that your entrance date got changed because now I have a chance to congratulate you & wish you well, too!) I’m praying that your heart may finally be at peace and find rest at Wolverhampton. Disillusion will come, of course (seems it always does!) When it comes, go back to your 5 year journey & remember the joy that you’re feeling now at having found & re-found your heart’s home. Plant yourself at Carmel & leave the world behind. If there’s a way to avoid the internet & its door into the outside world, avoid it. Try not to think too much/analyze too much. Just live in the present & seek God in the faces of your Sisters. As irritating as community life & other community members can be at times, that is the place where God so often decides to show up! OK, enough unsolicited advice from me. Please know that you’re in my thoughts & prayers. I can’t even begin to express how happy I am for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted December 23, 2012 Author Share Posted December 23, 2012 Nunsense, I’m so happy for you!! (I’m also secretly glad that your entrance date got changed because now I have a chance to congratulate you & wish you well, too!) I’m praying that your heart may finally be at peace and find rest at Wolverhampton. Disillusion will come, of course (seems it always does!) When it comes, go back to your 5 year journey & remember the joy that you’re feeling now at having found & re-found your heart’s home. Plant yourself at Carmel & leave the world behind. If there’s a way to avoid the internet & its door into the outside world, avoid it. Try not to think too much/analyze too much. Just live in the present & seek God in the faces of your Sisters. As irritating as community life & other community members can be at times, that is the place where God so often decides to show up! OK, enough unsolicited advice from me. Please know that you’re in my thoughts & prayers. I can’t even begin to express how happy I am for you! Thank you for your kind wishes. I doubt that disillusion will come now but then one is never supposed to say never. When you lose something precious and then find it again, by that time, you are more likely just to be so grateful for finding it again that you don't sweat the small stuff so much anymore. The two months I spent during the live-in this time were definitely the finding of that lost and precious thing. I didn't want to leave to come back here because I never wanted to leave again. But I can see that even this small amount of time outside has helped me to appreciate what God has given back to me even more. I won't be using internet unless Mother requests that I update the website or wants me to use email instead of snail mail to communicate with my family. The first time I was there I was allowed to phone once a month and write letters occasionally, but the expense of that to family overseas, compared with email, is a factor she is considering. Whatever she decides is fine with me. As for the irritations of living in community, I don't see it the same way anymore. They are my family, and like any family, we have times when we get impatient with each other, and maybe even hurt each other, but we always remember the love that binds us as well. I had two occasions of that last time I was there (during the live-in) where relationships were strengthened because of some small stresses that caused impatience followed by remorse and forgiveness on both sides. And now I can even laugh at some things that used to irritate me, and I hope that some of my annoying habits will be a source of amusement to other sisters over time, and not a complete mortification! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eowyn Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Nunsense, I'm just so glad for you. God is so very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 So happy happy happy for you!!! Thanks for sharing your joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Will be praying much for you! God Bless, nunsense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscerningCatholic Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 EEEK! :yahoo: Tomorrow's the day!!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!! :dance: :yahoo: :bounce: :smile3: :nun: :nun2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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