I Think He Knows....

[Katiebobatie94]

So yesterday I was in the car with my dad , and I was talking abou the retreat with the Salesians in a few weeks, and my dad asked me if I was thinking about becoming a sister.......all I told him was that I had thought about it. I never said anything about currently discerning, but I think he knows. I keep going on retreats and whatnot and its not like I'm being subtle or anything. This was the first time he said anything to me about it, and he just got really quiet after I answered.
I'm glad that there's a chance that he knows. But its still hard, he isn't religious at all.

Just thought I'd share.

[Kateri89]

I can relate to that. In fact, that kinda sounds like my mom's reaction when she found out I was discerning but these days we don't talk about it much. I think she's in denial. I don't come from a religious family so I don't really know how to explain it to them in a way that they would understand. But in any case, I have a spiritual director and one of my close friends (whom I met on retreat) that are supportive so it's all good. But if you wanna talk about it, I'm here to listen

[Joan Marie Wandel]

did you just post on imagine sister site

[Katiebobatie94]

[quote name='Joan Marie Wandel' timestamp='1354052507' post='2517869']
did you just post on imagine sister site
[/quote]

yeah lol

[MarysLittleFlower]

I can relate... I don't think my family really knows... I'm not sure when to tell them :( but I am discerning (though not visiting yet, I'm planning to tell them when I start visiting I guess? clealry this is something to discuss with an SD :)). My family is also not Catholic. Soo... I can relate!

[ChristinaTherese]

I wonder how many of us are in this boat. I told my Mom, but I'm not sure how much she believed me. She keeps trying to say "when you have kids" or stuff about school and more than 4 years of college (as in, getting a PhD). She tries to dictate my brother's life too.... I don't know.

[MarysLittleFlower]

How does a person deal with the anxiety that might come from thinking about this?

[Kateri89]

I wonder how many of us are in this boat. I told my Mom, but I'm not sure how much she believed me. She keeps trying to say "when you have kids" or stuff about school and more than 4 years of college (as in, getting a PhD). She tries to dictate my brother's life too.... I don't know.

 

My mom does the same thing! She just asked me what names I would want to name my children someday.  She knows full well that I'm discerning but we don't talk about it much anymore.  I truly understand that it's difficult for her to accept it so I can deal with it but eventually she will have to come to terms with it.  I would just rather her try to see it as a blessing and a gift.  I guess for those of us discerning, we see it as fulfilling God's will in our lives and we see so much happiness and beauty in it.  For our family and friends though, their lives are staying the same except that they're "losing" us.

 

How does a person deal with the anxiety that might come from thinking about this?

 

To be honest, the anxiety over when/how to tell my family that I was discerning was almost unbearable so that I decided to take it one step at a time.  The first person I told was my mom.  We decided to meet for lunch one day so before meeting her I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to help me tell her as gently as possible.  I also tried to anticipate her reaction so that I would be prepared.  She cried but the Holy Spirit really came through for me and helped me to be understanding and kind with my words.  I knew that it would weigh on her mind if she couldn't talk about it to someone else so I said she could tell my dad.  Eventually she told my brother and sister too so it was kind of a relief for me to only have to tell one person and then let the domino effect happen.

 

My advice is to pray about it and then just pluck up the courage and do it.  It's like ripping off a band-aid.  I'm not going to say that once you tell your family everything will be so much easier because they're probably going to want to talk about it and might even try to dissuade you (unless you think they'd be supportive).  I'm just saying that the anxiety over when/how to tell them is not worth losing sleep over.  Just ask God to help you focus on His will in your discernment no matter what anyone else says.  My other piece of advice is to be careful about who you tell because if you think that someone might spread the message around, you might want to avoid telling them right away.  Discerning religious life can be really tough because Satan will use any and all means to pull you away from God and that include unsupportive family/friends.  It's probably best to tell your immediately family and maybe a close friend, at least until you've made a final decision.

 

That's just my advice and I'm in discernment myself so I'm no expert on the matter.  At least now, my mind is free to focus on true discernment of God's will for my life instead of being clouded with worry about how others will react.  I hope this helps!

 

:saint2:

[DiscerningCatholic]

I wonder how many of us are in this boat. I told my Mom, but I'm not sure how much she believed me. She keeps trying to say "when you have kids" or stuff about school and more than 4 years of college (as in, getting a PhD). She tries to dictate my brother's life too.... I don't know.

 

Um. Yeah. That was pretty much my mom up until about two weeks ago.

[Katiebobatie94]

well my mom was totally unreceptive. to the point where she was threatening to never speak to me (and she was serious). and for my dad i think its just an awkward spot because he isn't religious or anything.

as far as the anxieties go, because of everything with my mom i have a lot of anxiety that i shouldn't really be dealing with. people who i am very close with don't know. i don't want to tell them and have the same reaction as my mom.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the replies!! It seems like this is so stressful for everyone even if the parents might be supportive!

 

I can sort of see that there would be a lot of disagreement, I think, if I were to tell my family... I mean, it might be really bad unless somehow they are prepared. That's just because my parents expect me to marry, I'm an only child, and an only Catholic in the family, and some other reasons too. It's sometimes hard for me to trust God with all this but I'm trying to, hopefully He can help my family accept my vocation if this is indeed my vocation! I'm still discerning and not even as actively as I'm hoping to at some point so - I would want to maybe tell them when the time is right...

 

Katie, though I haven't told my family I can really relate about the anxiety and the difficulties with this.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Double post...

Edited November 29, 2012 by MarysLittleFlower

[Rosa immaculata]

Dear all,

 

I see that some oy you are not in Catholic families; I am in a Catholic family and I can say that it is very hard! My parents don't know I am discerning religous life because if I would say it now, they would try to discourage me with material arguments etc and life would be horrible... So my SD said to me to keep quiet about that, and it is hard, and really painful to be alone and to knwo that others don't understand you (especially contemplative vocations)...My mother prays for me to marry (with God, oh yes, aha!), all my family speaks about my future, when you will have your diploma etc when you will have your flat and your car ... Silence and solitud eare painful, but the Blessed Virgin Mary felt those painful feelings on the Golgotha, and in fact, she is transforming our hearts into Her own Heart!

So, just to say to all of you: Courage, we are numerous not to know how and when to say we are discerning religous life; the Holy Ghost will tell us what to do and the most diffiuclt is to trust Him for me; God is testing our faith...

 

[TheresaThoma]

I identify with all of you who aren't in Catholic families but are discerning. Timing is a double edged sword, on one hand you don't want to tell them too early in your discernment because you don't have many answers at that point but at the same time you don't want to wait too long because that could make them really angry and they might accuse you of lying to them. (I speak from experience here, on some issues I was too quick to tell and on others I waited far too long) No fun either way. Many times they may guess at it but having to deal with the truth that you are discerning can bring out some less than loving reactions.

So prepare yourself, pray and hope for the best.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Dear all,

 

I see that some oy you are not in Catholic families; I am in a Catholic family and I can say that it is very hard! My parents don't know I am discerning religous life because if I would say it now, they would try to discourage me with material arguments etc and life would be horrible... So my SD said to me to keep quiet about that, and it is hard, and really painful to be alone and to knwo that others don't understand you (especially contemplative vocations)...My mother prays for me to marry (with God, oh yes, aha!), all my family speaks about my future, when you will have your diploma etc when you will have your flat and your car ... Silence and solitud eare painful, but the Blessed Virgin Mary felt those painful feelings on the Golgotha, and in fact, she is transforming our hearts into Her own Heart!

So, just to say to all of you: Courage, we are numerous not to know how and when to say we are discerning religous life; the Holy Ghost will tell us what to do and the most diffiuclt is to trust Him for me; God is testing our faith...

 

Rosa, thank you for sharing that... I often (mistakenly) feel like it would be harder in a non Catholic family, but now I see that this is not the case and it could be equally or more difficult in a Catholic family! I guess it depends on many things. I also often feel misunderstood about these things, and I don't blame people for not understanding, I mean it's something that's really hard to understand if a person hasn't experienced it themselves. If a person wants to give up all their possessions, and marriage, and family, live in poverty and in obedience to others, - that goes against our natural inclinations and it's very hard, - impossible without God's grace... however if it's God's will, that is what a person should do. Often it seems people think that life would be miserable without marriage, family, a good career, etc - but if a person feels called to religious life and they marry because they are pressured to, they would not feel truly at peace, it seems... I want to follow God's will for my life but sometimes it's scary thinking about what it might involve, - the thought of religious life brings joy but I get anxious thinking about the practical side of actually giving everything up, telling my family, etc - I still have many weaknesses in this way. My family also often talks to me about my future, career, marriage, going out to meet people, etc - and they get upset when they don't see me being very eager to do some of those things. I think it's good to do our present duty, because through that we can serve God, but - I don't feel comfortable with dating, for example, so I don't do that.

 

I hope that God would work in all our family's hearts so they can have more understanding about religous vocations and more acceptance of this possibility for their children... I know that all our parents just want us to be happy. I think maybe it's difficult for others to imagine how a person could be happy in a monastery.