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A Question About The Call


MissyP89

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Hi, guys. :)

I'm trying to understand more about what it feels like to be called to religious life. I'm basically certain my call is to marriage, but I think a lot about the way the two vocations are similar. I feel obligated to re-examine my feelings every now and then to make sure I'm still doing God's will.

Generally, would you say the call to the convent comes with positive feelings? I don't want to go into all the details, but thinking about becoming a sister just makes me ... sad.

It's not something I[i] want [/i]at all, and I feel like if religious life were my call, I would be heartbroken and not want to go.

People have told me that this is a good sign that I am indeed NOT called. But I'm trying to understand what that pull and the associated emotions felt like in your own experiences, to see how mine compare.

Thanks in advance. :wave:

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PhuturePriest

Well, obviously I can't help with what it feels like to be called to the convent, but I'm sure it is similar to feeling called to the Friary or diocesan priesthood. What it "feels like" differs so greatly from person to person. Some go in kicking and screaming, others do so joyfully like Saint Therese. Just because you do not want to go it does not mean you are not called (And I am not pushing you, just telling you from experience). I know of one woman who is the head of her cloistered Carmelite Monastery who upon entering was asked by the Nuns "Do you want to be here?". She replied "No! But I think God wants me to be here." The last thing on earth she wanted to do was enter, and yet she was not only called to enter, but to be the superior of the community. Generally, when people see the beauty in the life, they do not resist. But this is not always so.

Basically, you could be called to marriage, but do not assume you are simply because going to the convent makes you feel sad. Why are you sad? Is it because you want to be married so badly? Is it because you do not want to leave your family? Pray and ask these things about yourself. More often than not these feelings come from resistance to the idea and not a call away from them.

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[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1353443115' post='2513818']
Hi, guys. :)

I'm trying to understand more about what it feels like to be called to religious life. I'm basically certain my call is to marriage, but I think a lot about the way the two vocations are similar. I feel obligated to re-examine my feelings every now and then to make sure I'm still doing God's will.

Generally, would you say the call to the convent comes with positive feelings? I don't want to go into all the details, but thinking about becoming a sister just makes me ... sad.

It's not something I[i] want [/i]at all, and I feel like if religious life were my call, I would be heartbroken and not want to go.

People have told me that this is a good sign that I am indeed NOT called. But I'm trying to understand what that pull and the associated emotions felt like in your own experiences, to see how mine compare.

Thanks in advance. :wave:
[/quote]

Well, you're on the right track IMO. St Ignatius gives some good tips about this, and it goes something like this:

When we are going from good to bad, when we are becoming worse people, the Lord will try to win us back by pricking our consciences and asking us to return, while the devil and his minions will simply stand by and let us do as we please. I kinda suspect you're [i]not[/i] in this place right now though.

When we are going from bad to good, and becoming better and more holy people, then the tables turn. The Lord encourages us, and gives us consolation and joy to draw us ever deeper in, while the devils proceed to freak the heck out. They will become terrified of losing us (remember Screwtape Letters?) and will play every trick they can to deceive us. They will bring fear, doubt, and an insistent screaming that we MUST TURN BACK NOW! Don't listen to them.

What does Satan stand to lose by your entrance into a holy marriage? A lot, trust me. Hold on! :)

Edited by arfink
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Missy: The experience that led to my realization of a religious vocation happened immediately following a conversation my roommate and I had where we were basically saying, "Religious are all alone.. We pity them. What a sad and lonely life." These were my honest feelings at that time. This does not mean I was not called, but God had some work to do before the call was A) to be made known to me, and B) Something I could accept. Your situation seems to reflect the way I felt towards religious life before God made A happen.

Unless something changes (and you will know if it does-it would be obvious), it does seem that you are called to marriage. Of course, there are special cases, like the Saints FP mentioned, but generally God gives joy and a lot of consolation to those with a religious vocation, to prepare them to follow through with it.

On a side note, it is very edifying to hear you say that, though you believe you are called to marriage, you 'discern' every so often just in case. Many people don't do this for fear they will be called to the vocation they do not want, and that is discouraging to see. Thank you!

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[quote name='emmaberry101' timestamp='1353444836' post='2513834']
Missy: The experience that led to my realization of a religious vocation happened immediately following a conversation my roommate and I had where we were basically saying, "Religious are all alone.. We pity them. What a sad and lonely life." These were my honest feelings at that time. This does not mean I was not called, but God had some work to do before the call was A) to be made known to me, and B) Something I could accept. Your situation seems to reflect the way I felt towards religious life before God made A happen.

Unless something changes (and you will know if it does-it would be obvious), it does seem that you are called to marriage. Of course, there are special cases, like the Saints FP mentioned, but [color=#ff0000][b]generally God gives joy and a lot of consolation to those with a religious vocation, to prepare them to follow through with it.[/b][/color]

On a side note, it is very edifying to hear you say that, though you believe you are called to marriage, you 'discern' every so often just in case. Many people don't do this for fear they will be called to the vocation they do not want, and that is discouraging to see. Thank you!
[/quote]

I don't know a ton of details about your case Missy, but I suspect you're on the correct path here. The Lord is giving you consolation to draw you towards marriage, and by all accounts a turning towards religious life would be a mistake for you. It's always scary to leave a possibility untried, but don't let it hold on to you.

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carmenchristi

I can really only give my experience.... but here goes. For the longest time I wanted with all my heart to be a religious.... It was a deep desire, and I sincerely believe that it was a calling. For me it wasn't a calling for life though. After spending a while out of the convent I agreed - very unwillingly - that the Lord could bring up the subject of marriage. I suspect that he had been wanting to talk about it for a while.... Slowly my desire began to shift, and I am at the point where I truly believe that I am called to marriage and that the Lord will send me the right person in his time. So I guess, as a person who has experienced one calling then another (at least, I'm pretty sure of it) I can say that desire has a lot to do with it.

After I left the convent, I had a lot of refusal toward religious life... I didn't want to have anything to do with it, but I still had the desire to live consecrated life. I was convinced that I would live as a consecrated lay person. Then as the Lord led me further, that desire began to fade and another emerge.

So that's where I'm at now, but I guess what I can add to this discussion is that we don't always have the desire to do something that the Lord asks us to do or consider but if he is truly asking us we will discover the desire within us. If the desire never comes, even after sincere prayer and searching, I think it's safe to say that He isn't calling.

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I think it's important that you feel peaceful about the call. If the thought of religious life brings you grief and not joy, then it's probably safe to assume that you are not called. For the longest time, I wrestled with God about my desire to live as a religious. I kept getting turned away by religious communities because of my depression, even though it is well-controlled. I would hear from other people that discernment is threefold between God, you, and the community. If the community doesn't agree with your call, then it is assumed you are not called there. If many communities turned you away, then your call probably lies somewhere else in either marriage or single life. However, everytime I would concede and stop discerning religious life, the prodding would return when I least expected it. I've visited 4 communities but none of them felt like "home." The one I am discerning with now is the one that my pastor introduced me to. I think God was waiting all along to introduce me to them. They are the real deal. :)

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I felt lost and undesignated in life practically my whole existence. I dated, but I knew deep down that it wasn't going to work, something always felt missing. I've had different professions, again nothing felt like, this is what I want to do forever until I retire. I sensed a calling with subtle hints and thought, 'if this is what He wants of me, then my answer is NO WAY! Who would ever want to be a Nun?'

Until you say yes to Him, you'll never be happy. Finally I did say yes and I felt whole for the first time. Believe me, I have much more growing up to do spiritually but I do know fosho, that this is what His plans are for me.

As you can see, everyone is different but you may have to take your own journey to find out, lotsa prayers help. God look and God bless!

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[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1353450843' post='2513879']
I think it's important that you feel peaceful about the call. If the thought of religious life brings you grief and not joy, then it's probably safe to assume that you are not called. For the longest time, I wrestled with God about my desire to live as a religious. I kept getting turned away by religious communities because of my depression, even though it is well-controlled. I would hear from other people that discernment is threefold between God, you, and the community. If the community doesn't agree with your call, then it is assumed you are not called there. If many communities turned you away, then your call probably lies somewhere else in either marriage or single life. However, everytime I would concede and stop discerning religious life, the prodding would return when I least expected it. I've visited 4 communities but none of them felt like "home." The one I am discerning with now is the one that my pastor introduced me to. I think God was waiting all along to introduce me to them. They are the real deal. :)
[/quote]

He never stops calling if you are "truly" called, even if your answer is NO! :hehe2:

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Spem in alium

[quote name='emmaberry101' timestamp='1353444836' post='2513834']
On a side note, it is very edifying to hear you say that, though you believe you are called to marriage, you 'discern' every so often just in case. Many people don't do this for fear they will be called to the vocation they do not want, and that is discouraging to see. Thank you!
[/quote]

First, I agree :) This is great, Missy. Thank you, indeed!

I only began discerning this year. I had thought about religious life in my adolescence, but when I did it wasn't in any way connected with desire. I'm not entirely sure what happened to make me start considering a religious path. There was no "call" or no voice telling me that I need to become a sister or a nun. And actually, when I first began thinking about religious life, it really upset me. I couldn't think of anything worse :P And when I told my parents about my feelings, I was so stressed about them I started crying. But in time I've come to see religious life as one of peace, sacrifice, service and total devotion to God. But it is hard. I'm still attracted by marriage. I do have feelings for a guy, and it's been difficult to know whether I should pursue those feelings given my thoughts on religious life. Neither marriage nor religious life makes me sad. They're both noble paths to take, if done so sincerely and in holiness. They're attractive to me in different ways. I guess what will help me (and what helps everyone) to arrive at a choice is to take each day at a time, looking for God in each day and praying that His will be done always.
Prayers for you.

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Missy:

Gosh I'm not sure how to answer with respect to my calling. Religious life used to give me a lot of joy. Now -- it doesn't, but I am sure that it is tied to my history. Marriage does not make me joyful either. Single Consecrated life -- I don't know.

So ... now what? Eh, I just walk. And walk. And expect something to pop up to clear my path eventually.

If you have joy in the thought of Marriage then I would say keep walking that way. If it wasn't meant for you, you will know it and know it clearly.

Edited by cmariadiaz
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[quote name='Freedom' timestamp='1353452146' post='2513897']
He never stops calling if you are "truly" called, even if your answer is NO! :hehe2:
[/quote]

It's extremely difficult to ignore, as well. Believe me, I tried. But God is sneaky -- He'll get you in ways you never expected! Mine was in the form of a nudge when my Sisters came to speak at the Church. One of the Sisters kept staring at me and I kept wondering why. I finally got up the courage to talk to her after Mass and she asked me if I had ever discerned religious life. :twitch:

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You all are wonderful. I don't have time to respond in detail now but I will soon. For now, thank you for your honesty. It gives me peace.

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[quote name='coralieprincess' timestamp='1353444016' post='2513827']
The way you feel about religious life is the way I feel about marriage. ;) I mean.. I wouldn't say the idea of marriage makes me *sad*, but it isn't something that I want. I think it's beautiful and I admire faithful Catholic families, but I know that it isn't for me. Religious life, however, is something that I want with all my heart. I can't imagine myself living my life any other way.[/quote]

Yes, exactly this. I admire them, I think they live beautiful lives, buuuuuuuuuuut ... it's hard to express, but I feel like I can give so much to the world here and now that I would be unable to give as a sister. In some sense I feel like there would be a lot of untapped potential were I to enter religious life, you know what I mean? I belong here, in the world. There's work for me to do.

[quote]He's not going to drag us kicking and screaming into something that would make us miserable. That doesn't mean our vocation is going to be easy - religious life and marriage are difficult in their own ways - but I believe that life can't be easy, it can only make us more or less happy.[/quote]

Right, I heard that elsewhere -- and I feel like if someone told me my call was to religious life, I'd just be confused and terribly grieved. I have a very healthy fear of marriage also and recognize it's going to push me in a huge way ... but at least with marriage I feel like it fits better.


[quote name='arfink' timestamp='1353444746' post='2513833']
When we are going from bad to good, and becoming better and more holy people, then the tables turn. The Lord encourages us, and gives us consolation and joy to draw us ever deeper in, while the devils proceed to freak the heck out. They will become terrified of losing us (remember Screwtape Letters?) and will [b]play every trick they can to deceive us. They will bring fear, doubt, and an insistent screaming that we MUST TURN BACK NOW![/b] Don't listen to them.

What does Satan stand to lose by your entrance into a holy marriage? A lot, trust me. Hold on! :)
[/quote]

The bolded part really spoke to my heart here. I was talking to someone last night in depth about my feelings, and what I said was "It doesn't feel like a call or a tug or a desire. It just feels like a whole lot of doubt and fear about not making the right choice.

I've been practicing my faith since I was 17. For the first 3 years, I was with a guy and so I was discerning marriage. Then, after we broke up, there was a two-year period where I was single. There were no thoughts at all of religious life during that time, and no indication that God wanted me to think of it.

If anything, I thought the most about singlehood or a third order. I really wrestled with considering those things — the thought of being alone was very scary. But eventually I got to a place where I was OK with it and happy about doing stuff in the world for God.

It was not long after I hit that acceptance that I met my boyfriend. The way it all played out reminded me of that "Be Satisfied with Me" poem, honestly.

So now I just have this out of nowhere guilt/worry/doubt that, despite have done a whole lot of thinking and praying (and even making a list of pros and cons), I still haven't discerned fully by like, going to a community and all that.

I honestly think this is self-created worry and not a call, but I wanted to see how what I feel stacks up against others here.

[quote name='emmaberry101' timestamp='1353444836' post='2513834']
On a side note, it is very edifying to hear you say that, though you believe you are called to marriage, you 'discern' every so often just in case. Many people don't do this for fear they will be called to the vocation they do not want, and that is discouraging to see. Thank you!
[/quote]

I am afraid. I'm 98% certain I'm not called, but that 2% is terrifying. But thanks. I feel obligated to make sure I discern thoroughly. Like I said above, I think part of me is just worrying I haven't done "enough" to move forward.

[quote name='arfink' timestamp='1353446408' post='2513850']

I don't know a ton of details about your case Missy, but I suspect you're on the correct path here. The Lord is giving you consolation to draw you towards marriage, and by all accounts a turning towards religious life would be a mistake for you. It's always scary to leave a possibility untried, but don't let it hold on to you.
[/quote]

Yeah, that's basically it. The untried possibility is weighing me down.

Thanks again for your understanding and support, everyone. :flowers:

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