The Epic Adventures Of Futurepriest At Hogwarts

[Nihil Obstat]

[b]Part one of I don't know how many:[/b]

It was a dark and stormy night, and Miles was studying in the Ravenclaw common room. He did that a lot, which makes sense because Miles was perhaps the most talented wizard at Hogwarts since Dumbledore himself. He was also extremely good looking, and pretty much everybody thought he was amesome.
But Miles didn't think about all that. He was so humble that he never even realized that he was really great at everything, and that everybody loved him. He's just a great guy that way.
So anyway, he's studying in the Ravenclaw common room, when suddenly he heard a sound behind him.
"Aha!", he said, "I have deduced from the sound of the footfall behind me that the person who has entered the room just now is none other than my fellow Ravenclaw student, George McPlaceholder, who wears a size ten shoe and weighs approximately 160 pounds!"
Nope. It wasn't George. It wasn't even a person. Just the wind. It was a dark and stormy night.
"beaver dam," Miles thought to himself. "Well, next time I'll get it."

The next morning, Miles made his way down to the Great Hall to eat breakfast. He was wearing long flowing robes which were really super cool and mysterious and stuff. He sat down at the Ravenclaw table, and his friends quickly gathered around him. Miles was really popular (even though he didn't realize it), so that kind of thing happened a lot. All his friends were really good looking too, although not as good looking as Miles. Some of them were probably even a little jealous at how good looking he was, and what a great wizard he was. But they were still pretty good friends.
"Hey Miles!" said Miles' friend, George McPlaceholder. "How are you doing this morning?"
"I'm pretty good," Miles said. "Say, what were you doing sneaking around in the common room last night?"
"I wasn't sneaking around," George replied. I went to bed early because Defence Against the Dark Arts yesterday really tired me out."
"You are a dirty liar," Miles said. "I know you were sneaking around, because I heard your size ten 160 pound footfall in the southeast corner of the common room yesterday at precisely 11:43pm."
"Well all right man, if you say so," said George, while rolling his eyes a bit.
Miles was satisfied. He knew what he had heard. Score one for the great wizard detective.
By the way, everyone except Miles was speaking with a British accent, because Hogwarts is somewhere in England. But Miles spoke with an American accent, which everyone thought was exotic and really cool.
Miles glanced around the Great Hall, surveying the many witches and wizards whom he knew weren't quite as good at magic as he was. As he looked around he noticed someone look away quickly. It must have been none other than Hermione Granger from Griffindor! Miles knew that she had had a crush on him since at least second year. She was just too shy to admit it to him. Miles knew this was true because, even though he was too humble to realize that he was really ridiculously good looking and everyone liked him, he was a master of deduction and always knew everything that happened around him. He was much too sharp to not notice something like that.

The first class that day was a mixed Griffindor - Ravenclaw Transfiguration class. That was Miles' favourite class because he was pretty much a natural at Transfiguration. Most people had a lot of trouble with the difficult spells, but Miles usually got them right on the first try. Even Professor McGonagall was really impressed. Miles also liked the mixed class, because since he was so popular and amesome he also had lots of friends in Griffindor, even though he was a Ravenclaw and usually Griffindors and Ravenclaws didn't have a lot of friends in common.
"All right class, sit down!" Said Professor McGonagall, striding into the room stridently.
Miles sat down quickly because he was a great student and always did what his teachers said, even though he was often smarter than they were. Some of his classmates were much slower to sit down than he was.
"Today we are going to practice transfiguring a frog into a vacuum cleaner," Professor McGonagall said.
The class groaned, because it was a very difficult spell, but Miles was happy because he had been practicing last night and knew that he would be able to do it.
The class got to work on the transfiguration, with mixed results. Several frogs exploded, and the room was filled with the sounds of innocent frogs crying out in pain, and the more tenderhearted students crying at the senseless death. Also several students had rather weak stomachs and nearly vomited when frog giblets got in their hair.
Of course Miles got it right on his first try. Everyone was really impressed, and lots of people said "Wow, Miles! You're so smart and good looking at good at magic!" Miles didn't pay much attention though, because he was really humble and didn't think he was that great.
Only one other student was able to get the spell right during the class: Hermione Granger. Except it took her a couple tries, so she didn't do as well as Miles. Miles decided to go over and congratulate her on finishing her spell.
"Wow, Hermione. Great job on getting the spell right on your third try!" Miles said innocently.
Hermione instantly turned very red and stuttered a bit. "Th- th- thank you, Miles", she managed to stammer out.
Miles knew it was because she had a huge crush on him, so he pretended not to notice her embarrassed stammering.
"Maybe we should practice together sometime," Miles said. "I bet we could really help each other out for the big test at the end of the month."
Hermione turned even more red and just barely managed to say "Y-y-y-yeah, that would be really nice."
The bell rang. Miles started to pack up his books for his next class, Defence Against the Dark Arts. That was Miles' favourite class, because he was pretty much a natural at defending against the dark arts.
Out of the corner of his eye, Miles noticed Hermione walking in his direction. Without stopping on her way out of the room, Hermione dropped a note on Miles' desk. Miles opened the note. Inside, it said:
"Miles, I want to talk to you about something. Please meet me today at the top of the astrology tower at 3:30. Hermione."
Miles thought for a moment. 3:30 was right after Potions, which was his favourite class because he was pretty much a natural at making potions. He would have just enough time to get there for 3:30.

After Potions, Miles ran quickly towards the Astrology tower. He wasn't worried about being late, because he was also the captain of the Hogwarts track team, and was pretty much a natural at both sprinting and distance running. He had calculated in his head that it was about 3/4 of a mile between the Potions dungeon and the Astrology tower, and he covered it in just over two minutes.
He was only panting a little bit by the time he reached the top of the tower, having taken the stairs two at a time for the entire twenty seven stories. Miles ran ten miles every day before breakfast, because he liked to stay in shape.
Hermione was already there at the top of the tower, waiting for him. She must have had Astrology as her last class.
Miles walked in, with his cape swirling behind him. It looked really cool, but Miles didn't notice because he was too humble to pay attention to stuff like that.
Hermione looked really nervous, and she looked at her feet as she said,
"Oh, hi Miles. I'm glad you came."
"Of course I came," said Miles, flashing a perfectly straight and white smile. You're my friend.
Hermione blushed again and looked like she was having trouble saying anything, so Miles continued,
"So why did you want to meet me, Hermione."
"Well," Hermione said, still looking at her shoes, "I wanted to tell you that I really like you Miles! Would you be my boyfriend?"
Miles was really shocked, because he was so humble that he didn't think anybody was interested in dating him. But it didn't surprise him at all, because his deductive skills had told him months ago that Hermione was probably planning on confessing her love to him.
Miles was quiet for just a moment, and then in a really cool manly voice he said,
"Hermione, I would love to go out with you."
Hermione let out a little gasp and blushed even harder. She came towards Miles tentatively, and Miles held out his arms. They embraced tenderly, but chastely, leaving lots of room for the Holy Ghost, and it only lasted for precisely five seconds. Then Hermione said,
"I have to go now, Miles. Can we eat lunch together tomorrow?"
"Sure,", Miles said. "I would be happy to."
Hermione quickly darted out of the room and down the tower's circular stairs. Miles could hear her size seven and a half, 140 pound footfalls as they faded down the stairs.
Miles stood for a few more minutes, looking at the setting sun outside of the Astrology tower. If anyone had been behind him watching, like for instance a secret admirer, or a conveniently placed camera, he would have been silhouetted in the dramatically orange and pink sunset. He was standing up very straight with excellent posture, so his silhouette looked very strong and manly.
After a sufficiently dramatic amount of reflection, Miles turned and walked out of the room, his cape billowing out behind him, with his footsteps punctuating the silence of the tower ever so dramatically.

Miles knew that this was only the beginning of his heroic quest.

[Nihil Obstat]

A masterpiece of cliched shipfic parody, if I do say so myself.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

This is officially my favorite thread. Ever. Nihil, you are genius.

[EmilyAnn]

You spelt Gryffindor wrong.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1353361271' post='2513140']
You spelt Gryffindor wrong.
[/quote]
I honestly do not know how I read that entire series several times without realizing that. Holy c[color=#000000]r[/color]ap.

We'll call it use of creative license to avoid copyright infringement.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Nihil Obstat

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1353361343' post='2513141']
I honestly do not know how I read that entire series several times without realizing that. Holy c[color=#000000]r[/color]ap.
[/quote]

Hang your head in shame.

[Nihil Obstat]

If anyone wants to photoshop pictures of FP into Harry Potter pictures, that would be cool. I would try it myself, but shopping pictures like that takes me forever, and I'm at school.

Oh what the heck, I'll do it anyway.

[Nihil Obstat]

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/JdnJV.jpg[/IMG]

[Nihil Obstat]

But of course FP isn't even here to appreciate my hard work.

[EmilyAnn]

[PhuturePriest]

This is the greatest story I have ever read. It's so amazing!

And the photo shop picture is evil. I still like it, though.

[Nihil Obstat]

I want to do a few more. Next time I will only use your head, instead of the head and neck. As you can see, it did not quite fit as I intended.

[Spem in alium]

Seriously great story...though I'm fairly certain I just died from laughter.

[LittleWaySoul]

I literally went and unliked two posts in order to like the story post and the picture of Miles and Hermione. This is the best thread in the world.

[Nihil Obstat]

This is probably the best shop I've ever done.

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/dufeK.jpg[/IMG]