Love Your Neighbor

[carmenchristi]

So I've been a little perplexed lately, so I took my perplexity to confession and got some good advice. I am a hard core student, which doesn't necessarily mean I am particularly good in school or diligent, but I spend nearly all my time with my books or my instruments. My level of human interaction is extremely low. So I wonder how I am supposed to effectively practice love of neighbor if I don't ever see people except in the halls and at the dinner table??

Well, father explained it to me as a disposition of the heart which, if we open ourselves to in prayer then it is almost automatic to respond to others in a charitable way.

I guess it kind of makes sense, but on the other hand it really isn't automatic. I need to tear myself away from my eremitic lifestyle just to spend time with friends... It's a sacrifice for me. So my reaction toward those who aren't in my circle of friends, while not being outwardly uncharitable, still has something to be desired.

Anyway the topic up for discussion is, what does it mean to live charity in a solitary setting?

My intuition is this: it's not so much about literally thinking of others as it is about getting our thoughts off of ourselves. For me that would mean greater trust in God's providence, less worry about things like money, remembering that I have enough for today and that tomorrow is in his hands. It all seems pretty unrelated to love of neighbor, but I'm beginning to think that it is actually key.

Thoughts??

[BarbTherese]

I trust implicitly with great trust and confidence in Divine Providence who desires and works towards our slavation and holiness far more than we ever could desire and work towards it. My way of life is an investment in Divine Providence. One's trust and confidence in The Lord to lead the way and carry if necessary will never ever be confounded. I work in the offices of a Catholic charity two days weekly and take in ironing 3 - 4 times each fortnight. I treat my duties including in house and garden as I would assigned duties in religious life. A time for relaxation is important daily too. I have a structured life of prayer and simple (nothing extraordinary) penance with Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays days of abstinence. Fridays is a day of focus on penance. I stay in touch with the news and current affairs and keep all needs in prayer. I pray for The Church and mankind.
I do not consider that I live a hermits life per se - rather it happens rather often and I trust The Lord implicitly.
........all in a nutshell
I have a spiritual director. ......... A spiritual director is absolutely invaluable for those desiring to live a focused spiritual life, in face I think essential.
We will all leave something to be desired with Charity - until fulfillment in Heaven. One no sooner arrives than one departs. In other words, we no longer attain some goal in anything whatsoever in the spiritual life, then a new goal will open before us.

Edited November 19, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

I thought perhaps I should mention that portion of my income is allotted for direct debits to St Vincent de Paul, Caritas, Parish Support Fund, Priest's Fund (the extra income with ironing). I also visit regularly an elderly lady in ill health. I buy my clothing in second hand stores (supports charities) and do keep on hand outfits for more formal invitations, otherwise I dress very casually.
Charity or love of neighbour can be expressed in many ways, including and primarily through prayer for others, as well as prayer that one will grow in Charity. I always offer the Second Joyful Mystery, The Visitation, that I will grow in Charity. My neighbour is anyone at all who comes into my personal 'orbit'.
I was a student for seven years and regarded my studies just as I would a duty in religious life - in other words, my duties were the Will of God for me at any time.
I have set times of prayers and various 'triggers' to focus on some particular intention on certain days. These 'triggers' are connected to the feast for the day e.g. Feast of Doctors of The Church - a day to offer and remember Church leaders and politital leaders, governments, everywhere.

One way that Satan will disturb, and attempt to disrupt totallly, one's Peace of heart, mind and soul is by making negative comments about wherever we may be in the spiritual life, unsettling one and creating doubts. This is why spiritual direction can be such a treasure and pure gold - a good wise and holy spiritual director. It is also why humility is absolute gold and a treasure in that the sighting of one's faults and failings, how far one still has to go on the spiritual road with the goal ever ahead somewhere. Humility will accept all this with equanimity and Peace in heart, mind and soul and Satan can not very easily disrupt nor disturb at all. I went 20 years without being able to find a wise and holy director - educated - , but never let up in my prayers to find one and eventually did.

In truth and every honesty, I never think of myself as living a quite structured type of life until I come to write about it for some reason. I lived a far busier life in my previous suburb. I have never set about to structure my life. I trust in Divine Providence and the way just unfolds before me in the main.

Edited November 19, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1353300132' post='2512774']

In truth and every honesty, I never think of myself as living a quite structured type of life until I come to write about it for some reason. I lived a far busier life in my previous suburb. I have never set about to structure my life. I trust in Divine Providence and the way just unfolds before me in the main.
[/quote]

I find this consoling. I have often been told that I need to structure my life, but every time I try to do so it is a disaster and I find myself terribly angry and frustrated. Instead, when I focus on putting God first in my life and make little points in my day then it seems to work out. So instead of saying "I'm going to get up at 6:30 every day, I say "I'm going to get up before 7" that way I don't feel trapped (too much structure makes me feel trapped... Probably because of my past experiences), and yet I still have some guidelines other than my class schedule.

I do have a SD, heh, just have to find the time to go see him.

That said, the priest that I confessed to suggested that I try volunteering. I'm concerned because I'm already overwhelmed with school and a less than minimum wage job. I guess here is where confront with my SD comes in, but it requires "surgery" on my schedule to fit that appointment in.

So I am thinking that really I just have to do what I have to do in peace, let go of worries, trust in providence, keep my eyes on the Lord, and let him do the rest.

[BarbTherese]

[quote]So I've been a little perplexed lately, so I took my perplexity to confession and got some good advice. I am a hard core student, which doesn't necessarily mean I am particularly good in school or diligent, but I spend nearly all my time with my books or my instruments. My level of human interaction is extremely low. So I wonder how I am supposed to effectively practice love of neighbor if I don't ever see people except in the halls and at the dinner table??

Well, father explained it to me as a disposition of the heart which, if we open ourselves to in prayer then it is almost automatic to respond to others in a charitable way.[/quote]
Me again and after this post I will desist. It caught my attention during breaks at (voluntary) work. I posted my previous two posts during breaks at work. I agree with Father in that prayer is vitally important and the most important. It can seem that nothing is happening and one is achieving nothing during one's prayer times - but one is and growing in Love of God and neighbour. I read somewhere and I really liked it that prayer can be like the Holy Spirit downloading Grace into our hearts. One is not aware of this usually - in fact it can seem anything BUT The Holy Spirit acting in us. In the short term one is probably not aware of much change at all, if any; however, in the long term, if one looks back, one can probably see how one has grown, changed - and for the better. Jesus has said "How can you say you Love God, whom you cannot see if you do not love your neighbour whom you can see". The very best praise and thanksgiving we can offer God is through loving our neighbour.

I pretty much agree with Father too that if we are opening ourselves to The Lord through regular daily prayer, our hearts are enlarged to be more loving to others. "I will take your hearts of stone and grant you hearts of flesh". Feeling, understanding, compassionate and empathic hearts - never perfect, mind you - but more inclined in that direction than to the opposite. You may not be aware of anything at this point, but I guarantee you down the line, what Father has said to you will be of major importance in your life. During my own seeking stage (there have been a few, quite a few), a priest said to me "Imitate Mary in Nazareth". I came away a little peeved since we know so little about Our Lady during her life in Nazareth and I thought Father was 'dismissing me'. Today I realize just how important Father's words were and are to me - and probably now over ten years ago.
Sometimes one may not seem to be achieving much at all - but one has ardent desires to achieve somewhere or other. This is achievement in itself and a fruit of Grace at work in one's heart, mind and soul.

[quote]
I guess it kind of makes sense, but on the other hand it really isn't automatic. I need to tear myself away from my eremitic lifestyle just to spend time with friends... It's a sacrifice for me. So my reaction toward those who aren't in my circle of friends, while not being outwardly uncharitable, still has something to be desired.[/quote]
I confess that while I was studying, my studies were very demanding and frankly, I did enjoy them though hard work. It didn't leave me much time for anything else in the way of neighbour and very often the doorbell or phone was an absoute nuisance to me, interrupting me. I still regarded my studies and their demands, time consuming and absorbing, as a duty of mine as a student. An expression of God's Wil for me at that time. I definitely lacked in Charity towards neighbour even though I attended fully to doorbell or phone and its demands, but interiorly I was lacking in Charity I know in that I gave whatever assistance was needed, but with a resentful heart. Knowing one's failures and faults is the very first and most important step in overcoming them and perhaps not in a day, week nor year either - if ever.


[quote]Anyway the topic up for discussion is, what does it mean to live charity in a solitary setting?

My intuition is this: it's not so much about literally thinking of others as it is about getting our thoughts off of ourselves. For me that would mean greater trust in God's providence, less worry about things like money, remembering that I have enough for today and that tomorrow is in his hands. It all seems pretty unrelated to love of neighbor, but I'm beginning to think that it is actually key.

Thoughts??[/quote]
I think charity for the solitary will probably mean very different things to different people. Obviously, it seems to me that if one has a distinct preference for being alone, then this should be a big factor in one's life along with prayer. Prayer time does not have to mean long period of prayer either. Again, this is where spiritual direction can be absolutely invaluable. The director will sense in what direction The Lord is leading and guide one along that path.
My formal prayer times are structured around my day. Morning Prayer once I fully wake from medication the night before and before commencing my duties for the day. Private Prayer time with Evening Prayer and Night Prayer at the end of my 'working' day. I used to break that into three prayer times, but found that it made the evenings (or when my 'working' day conclulded) too much rushed. And so I have put them all into the one prayer time which works better for me. Pray as you can, not as you can't.

God bless you in your seeking. I think it was St Augustine who said that if we are seeking The Lord, He is far more ardently seeking us. The very reason we seek, is because The Lord is first seeking us, else simply - we would not seek at all.

Sorry to be so long winded. I hope other posters will come in now I am giving them some space to do so.

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1353313161' post='2512858']
I find this consoling. I have often been told that I need to structure my life, but every time I try to do so it is a disaster and I find myself terribly angry and frustrated. Instead, when I focus on putting God first in my life and make little points in my day then it seems to work out. So instead of saying "I'm going to get up at 6:30 every day, I say "I'm going to get up before 7" that way I don't feel trapped (too much structure makes me feel trapped... Probably because of my past experiences), and yet I still have some guidelines other than my class schedule.

I do have a SD, heh, just have to find the time to go see him.

That said, the priest that I confessed to suggested that I try volunteering. I'm concerned because I'm already overwhelmed with school and a less than minimum wage job. I guess here is where confront with my SD comes in, but it requires "surgery" on my schedule to fit that appointment in.

So I am thinking that really I just have to do what I have to do in peace, let go of worries, trust in providence, keep my eyes on the Lord, and let him do the rest.
[/quote]


Sounds spot on to me. Many years ago, I had to reason with myself where structure was concerned that if God wanted me living a monastic schedule, then in a monaster I would be. I think this is where sometimes lay spirituality can go amiss - one tries to live monastically in the world. Some lay people might be called to this, but not all and it is not an absolute necessity, to my mind and my spiritual director's mind, that all lay people who want to live an intense type if spiritual life must adopt monastic customs and structures. Have your read "Introduction to The Spiritual Life " by St Francis de Sales. Another good and very importnat theologically and spiritually read is "Abandonment to Divine Providence" by Jean Pierre de Caussade.
My best pal is a Carmelite prioress and in reply to her asking about me one day I replied "Yeah, ok - I'm swimming" Her reply was "Dont swim, float"..............go with the flow! Work out what will work for you and go with that confidently and trustfully. I often tell The Lord that if I am on the wrong track, then I leave it totally up to Him to get me right. And I do and this is the way I live.
Voluntary work is not only a way of helping others, it is a way of socializing and getting out and about and away from the desk. But I would not do it if it meant that my studies must suffer............if I was a student again.
[quote]So I am thinking that really I just have to do what I have to do in peace, let go of worries, trust in providence, keep my eyes on the Lord, and let him do the rest.[/quote]
I am cheeky enough to state that you have summed up the whole spiritual life and spiritual way.
And if I dont go out and water the garden and give you some peace too, the garden will be dead by noon. 37degrees C here tomorrow. Hot! Hot! Hot! and it's been pretty warm today. God bless and hold you close as He very obviously does.

[carmenchristi]

Thanks for your comments and insight! Don't feel bad about writing a lot. I'm grateful to hear from you hope the garden is ok! Feel free to add whatever may come to mind still

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1353313161' post='2512858']
I do have a SD, heh, just have to find the time to go see him.

That said, the priest that I confessed to suggested that I try volunteering. I'm concerned because I'm already overwhelmed with school and a less than minimum wage job. I guess here is where confront with my SD comes in, but it requires "surgery" on my schedule to fit that appointment in.
[/quote]

I don't necessarily agree with the priest that you went to confession with. Your SD should be able to help you decide whether or not you need to put volunteering in. God doesn't ask you for the impossible, and I bet you your SD can come up with ways for you to be less eremitical. BUT then again -- that may be what you are called to for now, and again your SD can help in that decision.

I do think that given what I said above, it may be time to do a bit of surgery on your schedule to get an appointment in. I suspect that the Lord may do the surgery for you and fit it in where you least expect it (especially if He thinks that it is time for an appt).

[quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1353313161' post='2512858']
So I am thinking that really I just have to do what I have to do in peace, let go of worries, trust in providence, keep my eyes on the Lord, and let him do the rest.
[/quote]

Missing you. Hang in there. It will all work out

Edited November 19, 2012 by cmariadiaz

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1353320991' post='2512873']
Thanks for your comments and insight! Don't feel bad about writing a lot. I'm grateful to hear from you hope the garden is ok! Feel free to add whatever may come to mind still
[/quote]

Thank you very much, CC, for your generosity, kindness and understanding - when I sit at a keyboard, I can't stop!!! But I am worse in company, when I can't keep silent!!! Yet, strangely, I love the silence of living alone. When I entered monastic life in my forties, our novice mistress commented that I would probably find the silence difficult for a while. What I found in fact was that it was a very different silence from that of living alone - there was noise in the monastery around me and the sounds now and then of humanity going about it's tasks..........not so living alone. I did find the silence in a monastery difficult except for the Grand Silence when the monastery became quite absolutely silent. The silence of living alone strikes me as more intense than general monastic silence. But then I think probably all experience silence and its differing grades differently.

Yep! The garden looks ok, though suffering I know. I went outside to hang some washing and a few plants are drooping. But tomorrow promises cooler weather and after a taste of water tonight and the cool tomorrow all will flourish once more.

I do agree, incidentally, with what [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/user/4590-cmariadiaz/"][color=#7C9335]cmariadiaz[/color][/url] posted.

I dont think Father in Confession meant that you should "tear yourself away" from your eremitical type of lifestyle if this is not your leaning - rather that in opening yourself to The Lord in (regular daily) prayer, it is almost automatic that one will be more loving (understanding, compassionate, empathic) towards others. For Love of God is revealed in extent of love of neighbour. The very Love that flows into us in prayer we in turn turn outwards to others. We love others with The Love we are given. Love is a dynamic and ever on the flow or 'on the go'. This does not mean of necessity that one has much personal contact with others, rather it is the disposition of the heart towards others. It may be what one reads, something on the news etc. etc. - some need somewhere. And our very first neighbour is our own selfhood. It is in being understanding, compassionate and empathic with oneself - dispositions of the Loving Mercy of The Lord - that one can release the flow outwards to others. I find it more difficult to be lovingly merciful to myself than to others - but I know that the two are intimately entwined.

I also suspect and am sure that if you do not make the time to see your SD, then The Lord just may not give you any rest until you do - it will be constantly on your mind, and in and out your mind regularly as a pressing type of 'should' - until you make and keep that appointment. I have a couple of these pressing sort of "should's" and today made an appointment with my doctor and tonight an apppointment to visit my pal - a Caremelite prioress. I have been putting them off due to the time factor, or such is my rationalization rather. I have partial Peace having made the appointment with my doctor and Peace will be complete when I ring my pal tonight and make arrangments to go and see her. Meanwhile, that "should" will keep pressing on me and I know The Source and I know too how to allow that "should" to be complete and flow into Peace of heart, mind and soul and Gift of The Lord. "My Peace I GIVE to you" - not shall give or will give. But GIVE. We have His Peace already and only we can compromise that gift.

God bless and thanks for the understanding and kindess again!............Barb

[i][quote[b]]"Hang in there. It will all work out"[/b][/quote][/i]

It's a given!

Edited November 20, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[carmenchristi]

It's funny that you should mention that about monastic silence. The community I was with observed a similar (though not identical) form of silence. Especially in the houses of "formation". As you may have guessed, I'm not a person who talks a lot, but I found that kind of silence unbearable. It was a silence in which I was scrutinized and judged. But apart from that, I never could shake the feeling that when other people are around and remain in total silence they are angry or something is wrong. I never was able to figure out how I, who love silence so much, could find this unbearable.

I will eventually have to get out of my eremitic lifestyle. I know I'm not called to be a hermit! But blegh...

Going to make an appointment with my SD hopefully next week. It's only been a little over a month, but I guess my "homework" is done and ready to be reviewed! After all, I DID traipse all the way over here partly so I could HAVE a SD!

[BarbTherese]

I know what you mean about monastic silence, it is a certain type of silence and I could not get used to it after living alone in silence in the main for years - and another kind of silence entirely...............God bless

Edited November 20, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

Duplicate post - sorry.

Edited November 20, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' timestamp='1353351934' post='2513048']


I don't necessarily agree with the priest that you went to confession with. Your SD should be able to help you decide whether or not you need to put volunteering in. God doesn't ask you for the impossible, and I bet you your SD can come up with ways for you to be less eremitical. BUT then again -- that may be what you are called to for now, and again your SD can help in that decision.

I do think that given what I said above, it may be time to do a bit of surgery on your schedule to get an appointment in. I suspect that the Lord may do the surgery for you and fit it in where you least expect it (especially if He thinks that it is time for an appt).



Missing you. Hang in there. It will all work out
[/quote]

Missing you too. Cma! Hopefully we will have the chance to chat soon! Regarding volunteering, I tried it a few times last year... I went to the youth center that is open late at night. I can't do that now because I have a curfew... So yeah, I guess I'll have to invent something with the help of my SD!

[carmenchristi]

Double post a half day later... Gotta love cell phones!

Edited November 20, 2012 by carmenchristi