Annie12 Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) So, what do I do when someone who has expressed his desire to enter the seminary starts flirting with me? So far I've just basically said "I can't wait to hear your sermons". Do seminarians usually flirt? I feel like I should encourage his vocation... but of course there is me who even after three years of discernment finds the notion of marriage preferable over being a religious sister. It's just awkward.. Edited November 18, 2012 by Annie12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I can see how it may be awkward for you. You could speak to him about it - get a better idea of how his discernment is going and where he's feeling called. Ultimately though, I think the best thing you can do for him is pray that he is correctly guided by the Spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NonNovi Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) Depends on wich stage he is in. Is he a seminarian yet? If he is, he really shouldn't be flirting. It sounds like he hasn't really made up his mind completely and is checking out his options at the moment (why would he otherwise flirt?). Of course you should encourage his vocation, but only if he really has one (to the priesthood I mean). That's for him to decide. Pray for him. In my opinion you should keep a little bit of distance. Maybe he's now looking for a girl to see if a relationship could work for him, but if it doesn't you will be the one that gets hurt. Maybe he doesn't realise he is flirting (or you think it's flirting, but it's not his intention). In that case you could friendly make it clear he is doing that or that you experience it that way, so he can adjust his behaviour. The most important thing is what you want. Do you want him to flirt with you? If so, talk with him about his desire to enter seminary and find out how profound this desire is. He can't have a desire for both a girlfriend and seminary, one will always win. It's better if you find out wich one before starting some kind of relationship. Don't agree with some sort of "let's try, but know that I'm also thinking about the other option"-kind of situation. Trust me, that will not end well. So yeah, talk to him, find out more about his intentions and pray, pray, pray Edited November 18, 2012 by NonNovi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Maybe this is not about him, maybe this is about you? What are YOUR intentions, and if you are to be a religious sister, then you don't want to be flirting either. This way, you don't have to be encouraging or discouraging, after all, do you know without a doubt that God wants him in the seminary? Since you can't know that, focus on you. Be clear to him where you are going - into the convent, then leave it up to him to discern God's will for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethingfishy Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 If he's told you he's interested in the seminary, then he's out of the dating pool for now. It's totally inappropriate for him to be flirting with you. You don't need to spend time with him in order to encourage his vocation; in fact it would be better to spend less time around him and leave if he does start flirting. If he's "discerning a vocation" and also flirting with you, then he isn't sufficiently serious about either possibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I'm just going to make a point that he may not be flirting with you. Some people just naturally come across in a way that makes people think they're flirting but it's just their personality. So give him the benefit of the doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 There are a thousand different perspectives one could give, so I'll just add a bit of my own. Firstly, no, seminarians should not be flirting. From what I gather, though, he is not in seminary, but rather would like to be one day, possibly soon? (Am I correct?) Secondly, are you sure it's actually flirting? I don't know your age, but at least in high school and even college, many perceive flirting as "any friendly or familiar conversation between members of the opposite sex." That's not [i]really[/i] flirting. Sometimes it's just a matter of making sure our perceptions match with reality. I'm not saying that's the case with you, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Also, many of those who are new in seminary or religious life, especially when they are young, do not know the correct way to purport themselves with people, particularly those of the opposite sex. Sometimes they feel like they need to project a persona of friendliness or happiness, and so they over-compensate a bit, and it looks like flirting. This will be corrected the further they get in discernment and maturity. It could just be that he's conflicted. After all, humans are ordered toward marriage. Priests and religious sacrifice the good of marriage for the sake of the Kingdom, which is a higher calling and great gift and blessing from God. But those desires, especially in the beginning, are often still there, and many people, even when they have "made up their mind" regarding their vocation, still feel conflicted. (Just like you mentioned that you yourself feel the notion of marriage preferable to that of being a religious). That could explain his behavior. You're doing well to try and encourage his possible vocation, but I agree with maximillion in that it would be better to focus on your own intentions. Does he know that you are discerning? Be clear about that. If he really IS flirting, you may want to find a kind but firm way to let him know how his behavior is being perceived, and that you're not interested (if that is, indeed, true). Just some thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Get a soylent green friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 [quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1353247048' post='2512313'] So, what do I do when someone who has expressed his desire to enter the seminary starts flirting with me? So far I've just basically said "I can't wait to hear your sermons". Do seminarians usually flirt? I feel like I should encourage his vocation... but of course there is me who even after three years of discernment finds the notion of marriage preferable over being a religious sister. It's just awkward.. [/quote] Well, I will go from personal experience. He may have expressed a desire to enter seminary, but he may not know exactly what he is called to do. When I saw Emily at the dance, I told her I wanted to enter seminary. After a week of talking to her and visiting the seminary I realized this is not my vocation. Maybe he is attracted to you and is questioning his plans? Discernment is very hard, especially when you meet a girl that you like. Talk to him about his vocation and see what he says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 yeah. There could be a dozen different reasons. I know I'm not going to date him even if he asks me (not that he would... o_O ) but I was just wondering. It is fully possible that I am just reading him wrong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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