Should Communities Know That You Are Enquiring/applying To More Than O

[PhuturePriest]

Oh dear...

Well, my opinion is that this is totally wrong. It's okay for her to still not know what community she wants to enter. But to apply to two at the same time, and have them not even [i]know [/i]about it? I really question if she is really thinking things through, and quite honestly, if she is taking this seriously at all. I know if I was a Superior to one of these communities and she told me "Well, I also applied to another community and they accepted me as well, so I'm not sure what to do." I would make that a very easy decision for her with a "Don't hurt yourself on your way out the door." Dishonesty is not the way to go, and she needs to make a mature decision and tell them both about everything.

Edited November 14, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[Cherie]

Yes; I don't know her at all, but judging from appearances, it seems like she still has much maturing to do. Common sense seems to indicate that one would have been honest with the communities long before she got to this point; lacking such common sense, while not an impediment, certainly raises a red flag or two. (Like I said, this is judging solely from appearances, which is rarely a good way to judge something. I don't know her whole story so I'm not in a place to truly judge her situation).

[By His Grace Alone]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1352876398' post='2509770']
Someone I know has applied to (and been accepted to) more than one community at a time, and she doesn't tell them about each other. I felt this was wrong and dishonest, and told her I thought she shouldn't apply to a new community until she has told the old one that she doesn't want them now, but I am curious as to how others feel about this.

I didn't include an option for 'not sure' or 'don't know' because I wanted to see some definite opinions here but if you really think the answer depends on the circumstances, perhaps you could give an example to support this opinion.
[/quote]

I may be more blunt than most, but this woman is a liar and is apparently contemplating becoming a thief. In fact, she has already become a thief in her heart. She has no intention of entering the community that sent her $5000. Any action other than returning the check is theft, pure and simple. She also appears to have deliberately been stringing communities along under false pretenses. That is disgusting. You can be sure that because of their unfortunate acquaintenance with someone like her that it will be held against other, more deserving women who are truly called to religious life. How can she possibly think she is called to religious life? Sounds deluded. This may sound harsh, and it is, but reality often is. Common sense has nothing to do with this. Common decency does.
.

[TheresaThoma]

I think [i]very[/i] early on it is ok to contact multiple communities, and by very early on I mean just first contacting them and asking for a bit of info. This was when I was just exploring but as I got more serious with one community I stopped contact with the others and just focused on that one which I think it is appropriate. But to get to the application stage and apply to multiple communities , wow. I agree with others who have said it is like being engaged to multiple men. I will pray for your friend and for each of the communities. This isn't going to be easy for anyone involved.

[SNJM]

Nunsense, the questions in your poll were very good and questions I am often approached with in spiritual direction. However, this thread has somehow degraded into stories about your "friend." I am sure you gave her advice that was what you felt best about and since she asked you, you had the right to answer. However, we only know bits and pieces and if she is struggling, I am sure she has read your words which are indeed, very blunt! For her sake, I would hope not because i cannt help but think this would have been a better private conversation. From having followed your own story on the Internet and reading people call you a "monastery hopper," I have winced each and every time. I winced today as I read this poll. Glenna's point was interesting because she quoted a very particular order who values stability, and given their life, supernatural graces are necessary. Every order and person is very different. One of St. Benedict's quotes from his Rule (paraphrased) is to anticipate one another in honor; that is to suppose each person has the best intentions within in their soul. I am going to pray for your friend. I have seen a lot of confusion rise up during the discernment process. I typically chalk this up to the evil one who doesn't anyone in religious life! And - finally - there are some people who feel very drawn to one spirituality and yet another one at the same time! And in some cases, as I am sure you all know better than me, this "side by side" spiritual attraction have provided lovely new orders! We must support each other in charity and have confidence in the Will and Providence of God!

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1352878280' post='2509776']
[size=4][font=trebuchet ms, helvetica, sans-serif]To date, I know that she has applied to at least two (and most likely three or more) communities and been accepted to two for sure without telling either of them that she has been accepted to the other. She also told me that she can't enter the one she really wants because she still has (non student-loan) debts but another (third) community has recently sent her a check for the full amount (more than five thousand dollars) to pay off these debts so she can enter there and she asked for my advice as to whether she should deposit the check, and whether she should enter the community that sent her the money even though she really wants another community that has also accepted her. I told her she was being dishonest to all of them because none of them know about each other, and she should be more honest with them all, but she obviously got angry at my reply because she didn't bother to write back again.[/font][/size]

[size=4][font=trebuchet ms, helvetica, sans-serif]So I was wondering if I was wrong to say what I did or not. I only gave my opinion because she asked for it- otherwise I wouldn't have gotten involved in what she is doing. I thought this poll might be a good way to get some opinions without getting specific.[/font][/size]
[/quote]

No I think you were more than justified in speaking up. Shoot -- to have a community send you money, that means the community thinks that you are entering them.

She's nuts to think about depositing the check if she's not entering that particular community. That is completely dishonest.

I really start questioning her motives. And as someone else said -- her maturity is more than lacking. She needs to choose, and quick. Or -- as you said, tell everyone "wait -- I'm undecided". At least telling a community that she isn't sure what to do, and that she is thinking about other communities (even if she doesn't say who) is a bit more honest than just not saying anything at all. I can see how hard it may be to say that "I've applied to other communities", and the best path would be that one.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='SNJM' timestamp='1352914632' post='2509882']
However, this thread has somehow degraded into stories about your "friend." I am sure you gave her advice that was what you felt best about and since she asked you, you had the right to answer. However, we only know bits and pieces and if she is struggling, I am sure she has read your words which are indeed, very blunt! [b]For her sake, I would hope not because i cannt help but think this would have been a better private conversation. [/b]
[/quote]
agreed.

thread closed. please pray for all those discerning a vocation to the religious life.