Anastasia13 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) (or girl, but I am a female and the subject line is only so long). At what point do you start evaluating a person as a potential spouse requirements, on the first date or when you start flirting prior to the date? (Assume the person seems age-appropriate, does not seem unChristian, and appears single). Edited October 30, 2012 by Light and Truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Does he seem likable? Are you trying to get to know him better? If yes, then you're evaluating him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 [quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1351632136' post='2500522'] (or girl, but I am a female and the subject line is only so long). At what point do you start evaluating a person as a potential spouse requirements...[/quote] At the point the information becomes available to you. (assuming he is not trying to hide anything from you) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 That's what internet stalking is for. Duh. You should know everything about a person before you meet them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 My father said you shouldn't date someone you wouldn't consider marrying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1351639724' post='2500615'] My father said you shouldn't date someone you wouldn't consider marrying. [/quote] I get this, but how much do you need to know before going on a first date? Am I supposed to ask if a guy could live with a bit of clutter, or what kind of setting (deep south, multi-cultural big city, cloudy bay area?) he wants to live in, or what kind of ambition he has as a provider for his future kids (mine may be slightly special needs) before a first date? If this needs to be addressed prior, how does one deal with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Coming from absolutely no experience, those things may be a [i]bit[/i] heavy before going on a first date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Most people don't consider themselves dating someone on the first date until they're officially dating. I think, unless you're friends beforehand, most people consider that first date a get to know you session and see if there is any potential for another date. It's long term dating that should not be done if you have no intention of marrying someone. And you just need to evaluate the information as it becomes available. You start by automatically evaluating based on their appearance. If you can handle that, you start talking to the person, and finding out about themselves. If each new piece of information is acceptable, you continue to date and learn more. If you find something that is not acceptable, you consider why, if that is really something you couldn't possibly deal with, and you either decide to deal with it or to break up. You will never be able to find out all the information you need to decide if you want to marry someone or not before or on a first date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PadrePioOfPietrelcino Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Back in my dating life...I would often consider many things privately when deciding if I should extend an invitation for a date. I was looking for potential and red flags, if there was potential with few or no red flags noticed then the possibility of dating was there. Beyond that it was one date one stage at a time. As you spend more time with someone you get more information about them. I think 401K and retirement plan talks are a bit down the road from a first date. I think a simple test for a first date might be 1) are they someone who I know or am inclined to believe is a person of faith, Catholic? Christian ect? 2) are they dating anybody else? 3) Do I see qualities in this person that makes me want to learn more about them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 [quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1351649239' post='2500820'] Most people don't consider themselves dating someone on the first date until they're officially dating. I think, unless you're friends beforehand, most people consider that first date a get to know you session and see if there is any potential for another date. It's long term dating that should not be done if you have no intention of marrying someone. And you just need to evaluate the information as it becomes available. You start by automatically evaluating based on their appearance. If you can handle that, you start talking to the person, and finding out about themselves. If each new piece of information is acceptable, you continue to date and learn more. If you find something that is not acceptable, you consider why, if that is really something you couldn't possibly deal with, and you either decide to deal with it or to break up. You will never be able to find out all the information you need to decide if you want to marry someone or not before or on a first date. [/quote] When people say you shouldn't just date for fun, do they include first dates? If so, how do you not take that too seriously? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PadrePioOfPietrelcino Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 When I think of dating for "fun" it is the idea of dating just to date, a date hopefully IS fun and "just" having fun on a date can be ok. If you are dating with the intention of learning more about somebody and open to the consideration of a deeper relationship then great, but if you are dating because you want a title ect then you are missing part. In my past rarely would I go on a first date with somebody before having spent time with them in larger group / friend situations. If after a few times of group events things still seemed good then we might go on an actual date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 [quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1351664351' post='2500995'] When people say you shouldn't just date for fun, do they include first dates? If so, how do you not take that too seriously? [/quote] Basically what PadrePio just said. As long as your goal is learning more about a person in order to discern whether or not they are a potential spouse, and not just to go out and have a good time, you're not just dating for fun. That, of course, does not mean dates can't be fun. It merely means that fun should not be the ultimate goal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Dating for fun is fine. It cannot be fun to date someone you dislike so much that marriage is entirely out of the question. Even if there's just a strong sexual attraction, but enough in common to actually date (as opposed to mere hooking up, without any of the datey stuff), that's enough to build a marriage on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightofChrist Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I didn't even know you are a girl. So first step, let guys know you are in fact female. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 KoC is hitting on LaT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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