Low Self Esteem Or Scrupulocity?

[Annie12]

I've notice that I am not nice to myself. I always feel like a nobody. Like, I feel like just a downright bad person. But, when I think with my head, I can obviously come to the conclusion that this is not so. But, how do I get over this? It's been a problem of mine for a long time. I feel like I'm so unworthy of Gods love. I don't know, am I just messed up? Do you know of any good texts or resources I could read?

p.s. before you start writing about how I should go to confession. That's always a good idea, but mortal sin is not the issue here just so you know.

[Ash Wednesday]

Is there a regular priest or spiritual director you could meet with on a regular basis?

And confession isn't always just for mortal sin. It can be beneficial to be reminded of God's forgiveness on a regular basis even if you haven't sinned mortally. A regular spiritual director and confession can help if you're struggling with scruples.

I am not a stranger to scruples, they were particularly bad when I had problems with depression at its worst, and I dated someone who was a scrupulant, so that wasn't good either.

Here's one starting point that helped. I've read their book and newsletter.

[url="http://mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm"]http://mission.liguo...s/scrupanon.htm[/url]

Know that you are loved. God loves us wayyy more than we could possibly comprehend, and way more than we could ever comprehend loving ourselves.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Ash Wednesday

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' timestamp='1351471434' post='2499342']
Is there a regular priest or spiritual director you could meet with on a regular basis?

And confession isn't always just for mortal sin. It can be beneficial to be reminded of God's forgiveness on a regular basis even if you haven't sinned mortally. A regular spiritual director and confession can help if you're struggling with scruples.

I am not a stranger to scruples, they were particularly bad when I had problems with depression at its worst, and I dated someone who was a scrupulant, so that wasn't good either.

Here's one starting point that helped. I've read their book and newsletter.

[url="http://mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm"]http://mission.liguo...s/scrupanon.htm[/url]
[/quote]

all of this. and especially about the part about getting a good spiritual director.

[Annie12]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' timestamp='1351471434' post='2499342']
Is there a regular priest or spiritual director you could meet with on a regular basis?

And confession isn't always just for mortal sin. It can be beneficial to be reminded of God's forgiveness on a regular basis even if you haven't sinned mortally. A regular spiritual director and confession can help if you're struggling with scruples.

I am not a stranger to scruples, they were particularly bad when I had problems with depression at its worst, and I dated someone who was a scrupulant, so that wasn't good either.

Here's one starting point that helped. I've read their book and newsletter.

[url="http://mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm"]http://mission.liguo...s/scrupanon.htm[/url]
[/quote]
Thank you so much! And yes! that's a good point about confession!

[PhuturePriest]

I used to be scrupulous. But it wasn't scrupulous, it was more scrupulousness on acid. Suddenly I was worried if wearing a sock with a hole in it was a mortal sin, if listening to Weird Al Yankovic was a mortal sin, if playing the guitar was a mortal sin, if swallowing during Mass broke the one hour fast, if not singing during Mass was a mortal sin, the list goes on and on. But thankfully I had a wonderful Dominican Priest to help me. He gave me some advice and facts. The best one was this: "If you aren't sure if something is or is not a Mortal sin, it's not. Mortal sin requires absolute certainty." I was also reminded (I'm not sure by him or not) that Jesus revealed to I believe Saint Faustina that His love and mercy is boundless, and that no matter how great your sin is, His love and mercy is so much greater. One thing that I came up with to help me with my scrupulosity is to run this question through my mind: "Do I think that X was so offensive to God that it would destroy my relationship with Him completely and beaver dam me to hell?" The answer every time was always no, and I believe this was fundamental in my eventual victory over scruples.

[Lil Red]

and either way, Annie, you know you've got us here to pray for you.

[PhuturePriest]

And about low self-esteem, don't think badly of yourself. I do all the time, and I'm always proven that my self-doubt is wrong. I went to my third professional dance class today (I've been ballroom dancing for several years, but not by a professional until recently), and this was going to be the last time before my sister's wedding next week. At the end he singled me out and asked me to keep coming, and he seriously asked me if I had a job or if I was willing to eventually teach dance lessons with him. He said I have a natural rhythm and that I am really good. I didn't think any of this about myself before he told me. I thought I was just average. Believe in yourself, and you will be surprised at what you can do (Through God's grace, of course. ).

[Ash Wednesday]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1351472169' post='2499354']
I used to be scrupulous. But it wasn't scrupulous, it was more scrupulousness on acid. Suddenly I was worried if wearing a sock with a hole in it was a mortal sin, if listening to Weird Al Yankovic was a mortal sin, if playing the guitar was a mortal sin, if swallowing during Mass broke the one hour fast, if not singing during Mass was a mortal sin, the list goes on and on. But thankfully I had a wonderful Dominican Priest to help me. He gave me some advice and facts. The best one was this: "If you aren't sure if something is or is not a Mortal sin, it's not. Mortal sin requires absolute certainty." I was also reminded (I'm not sure by him or not) that Jesus revealed to I believe Saint Faustina that His love and mercy is boundless, and that no matter how great your sin is, His love and mercy is so much greater. One thing that I came up with to help me with my scrupulosity is to run this question through my mind: "Do I think that X was so offensive to God that it would destroy my relationship with Him completely and beaver dam me to hell?" The answer every time was always no, and I believe this was fundamental in my eventual victory over scruples.
[/quote]


The more we educate ourselves, the easier it is to get a hang on scruples. That's the thing about a well-formed conscience. Often Catholics fret about people that have a poorly-formed conscience and are very lax about a number of serious and grave matters. But on the other end, a poorly-formed conscience can also lead to concerns that are the polar opposite of being lax -- one that is hyper sensitive and worries about serious sin existing in situations where it really doesn't. There are a lot of good resources out there about how to deal with these matters and form a conscience well!

[Ed Normile]

Annie you are just as God made you, perfect in his eyes. We are weak creatures we sin, we get depressed, we get sick, we lose hope but we have to remember that we are made in His image and that he loves us no matter what we do. Its a fact that we would have to totally reject Him to seperate ourselves from His love. Its perhaps the greatest trick of the deciever to think that we could somehow make what God has designed unworthy of His love, all we have to do is ask for it, " ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be opened to you "

Annie repeat the greatest prayer frequently each day, every moment you can spare to use the most powerful prayer do it. Repeat this prayer with love and it will bring you joy, its a simple prayer and its easy, its the Name of Jesus. Say it often, say it lovingly and know that you are worthy of His love, so much so that he suffered and died for you.

Get fancy with it say,
Jesus
Jesus I love you.
Jesus Christ King of the Jews
Christ Jesus
Jesus the Christ
Christ Jesus Ruler
Christ Jesus Victor
Christ Jesus Lord and Redeemer
Jesus Christ King of Kings
Jesus Present in the Blessed Sacrament
Jesus present in all the tabernacles of teh world.
Jesus Saviour

say,
Jesus I love You
Jesus I need You
Jesus let me not be seperated from You
Jesus sustain me in my time of doubt
Jesus fortify me in my needs
Jesus have mercy on me

or keep it simple and say

JESUS with every breath you can spare


ed

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' timestamp='1351472705' post='2499366']


The more we educate ourselves, the easier it is to get a hang on scruples. That's the thing about a well-formed conscience. Often Catholics fret about people that have a poorly-formed conscience and are very lax about a number of serious and grave matters. But on the other end, a poorly-formed conscience can also lead to concerns that are the polar opposite of being lax -- one that is hyper sensitive and worries about serious sin existing in situations where it really doesn't. There are a lot of good resources out there about how to deal with these matters and form a conscience well!
[/quote]

Indeed. Before my religious conversion I was poorly catechized, and everything from listening to songs like Girls Girls Girls by Motley Crue to saying the Lord's name in vain to look cool was completely acceptable. When I had my religious conversion, extreme zeal kicked in. The problem was, my poor catechesis was still present, so anything from wearing a sock with a hole in it for Mass and listening to The Priests was a sin (I was afraid listening to The Priests was a sin because much of their music is in a different language, and how could I be sure if the lyrics weren't inappropriate?). Catechesis and forming consciences is everything if we want to keep our Church together, and the major lack of these two things since the '60s is everything in what's going so wrong in the Church today.

[Ash Wednesday]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1351473102' post='2499375']

Indeed. Before my religious conversion I was poorly catechized, and everything from listening to songs like Girls Girls Girls by Motley Crue to saying the Lord's name in vain to look cool was completely acceptable. When I had my religious conversion, extreme zeal kicked in. The problem was, my poor catechesis was still present, so anything from wearing a sock with a hole in it for Mass and listening to The Priests was a sin (I was afraid listening to The Priests was a sin because much of their music is in a different language, and how could I be sure if the lyrics weren't inappropriate?). Catechesis and forming consciences is everything if we want to keep our Church together, and the major lack of these two things since the '60s is everything in what's going so wrong in the Church today.
[/quote]

It's very easy to want to over-compensate for what we feel is lacking around us in Catholic circles, too. I know of many Catholics that have fallen away out of laziness, but I also know of some that fell away out of frustration and despair because they could no longer live with the anxiety and for whatever reason could only associate the faith with sin and threat of hell and devoid of any peace and joy. It's very sad to see and not always talked about because so much more often the falling away comes from the complacent end of the spectrum.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I wish I could give amesome advice. Someday I think I will be able to. I struggle with similar issues. Mild depression as a result from incredibly low-self esteem and personal issues with my health, and I've struggled with scrupulosity for a long while.

Just know I'm praying for you, and understand what you're going through. We can all get through this.

Keep your head up, and remember who created you.
FCC

Edited October 29, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' timestamp='1351473631' post='2499387']

It's very easy to want to over-compensate for what we feel is lacking around us in Catholic circles, too. I know of many Catholics that have fallen away out of laziness, but I also know of some that fell away out of frustration and despair because they could no longer live with the anxiety and for whatever reason could only associate the faith with sin and threat of hell and devoid of any peace and joy. It's very sad to see and not always talked about because so much more often the falling away comes from the complacent end of the spectrum.
[/quote]

Indeed. I have had seen a few people say they left because they felt there was no way they could please God and that they weren't allowed to do anything. I highly suspect that if you asked these people they would tell you they were scrupulous.

[Annie12]

I have to say that when I read these responses last night it boosted my spirit so much. But, when I got up this morning I just felt like everything was hopeless. I'm having issues seeing the light. But, on the other hand I logically can understand that God loves me but I just don't feel it deep down. Maybe this is because I need to stop trying to hide who I am. I often am so quiet people don't even notice me. Maybe I could boost my self esteem by letting myself shine as God created me to. Thoughts?

[AnneLine]

I think you are listening to a GOOD inspiration this morrning, Annie.

[b]The inspirations that come from God will always give us reasons to go on.[/b] They may remind us that we have done bad stuff, or that there are parts of us that aren't perfect--but they don't make us feel bad because in our hearts we know THOSE are speaking truth to us[b]. BUT the GOOD inspirations will always give us reasons to move forward, give us hope, give us courage.... or at least leave us open to thoughts of hope and courage and trusting in God's merciful Love. [/b] The ones that are BAD always remind me of the Wicked Witch of the West on her broomstick, painting a giant message in the sky that says, "SURRENDER DOROTHY!!!!" The BAD inspirations will tell you how bad you are, how hopeless you are, that things will never get better.... and if you look at what directions those messages are going -- they will be trying to get you to believe this: "Annie, you are hopeless. Annie you are so bad not even God can solve your problems. Give up." [b]If you hear a message that says you should be down on yourself and give up... KNOW it is not from God and DO THE OPPOSITE." [color=#0000FF][i]God does not make junk -- DO NOT listen to words that make you feel like junk!!!![/i][/color][/b]

Annie (and all the rest of you with this problem) -- you have my love and prayers because it is really hard to be struggling against those feelings and beliefs. [b]But remember that GOD IS BIG. God is big-enough to encircle you in a giant, healing bear hug.... and wants to do that.[/b] No matter how badly we feel we have botched stuff.... [b]God is big enough to fix it and transform what looks to you like a mess into something beautiful--and wants to do this for you. [/b]

I am going to paste in here with Annie just said, highlighting the best stuff in red, because I want you to read it again and think and pray about it.... [b]God is in this message[/b]:

[indent=2][color=#FF0000]I have to say that when I read these responses last night it boosted my spirit so much[/color][color=#0000FF]. But, when I got up this morning I just felt like everything was hopeless. [/color][color=#FF0000]I'm having issues seeing the light.[/color][color=#0000FF] But, on the other hand [/color][color=#FF0000]I logically can understand that God loves me [/color][color=#0000FF]but I just don't feel it deep down. [/color][color=#FF0000]Maybe this is because I need to stop trying to hide who I am.[/color][color=#0000FF] I often am so quiet people don't even notice me. [/color][color=#FF0000]Maybe I could boost my self esteem by letting myself shine as God created me to[/color][color=#0000FF]. Thoughts? [/color][/indent]

I am willing to bet that there is a wonderful human inside there, Annie.... I for one would like to hear more from that person. Issues seeing the light is NOT the same as not walking in the light and love of God. The more you can let God shine through you... the more beautiful you will become, and the easier it will be for YOU to see God working in you and your life as well.

Praying for you.....