Need Prayers

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I need to get help for some issues I'm dealing with. Or at least figure out how to fix them.

I have horrible self body image. Horrible. It's because I am told over and over again that I have to lose weight. (I do because of some medical issues.) Being told that plus just dealing with naturally poor self esteem has brought me to bad places. I've thought of starving myself, and the whole nine yards. I can't lose weight doing anything else. I gave up carbs for Lent two years ago, and I lost a ton of weight, but I gained so much weight afterward that it caused problems. I can't do that again, and the calorie counting stuff I can't keep committed to. It seems like an all or nothing deal. I can't find balance. I feel horrible about myself.

I am manipulative to my mom. I never really noticed till recently. I take advantage of rules and stuff, and I don't know how to get better.

I need to talk to my SD, but I can't right now. I need to go to Communion, but I can't till Sunday.

I need help, but I don't know how to get it. I can't do this by myself anymore. I can't keep playing "strong".

"You're beautiful" "You are made in the image of God" "You're a daughter of God" comments slide off my shoulder, and the only ones I have in my head are the negative ones I've heard in my life. I remember being 7 years old and a friend telling me I was fat. I never told anyone. That's just one of the things that stuck with me. 7 years later and it still hurts. The worst part is that I wasn't. I was a fine size at 7. When a friend tells you they hate your dress, how are you supposed to let it roll off your shoulder? That's what I want to know.

Please pray for me.