LittleWaySoul Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 Hi! As many of you know, I'm discerning religious life right now. However, practically the ONLY PEOPLE I hang out with are guys. I just don't get along with girls as easily as I do with them. It's nothing romantic or anything, I just really like my guy friends. Is that a problem for someone discerning? I guess it's kinda a stupid question, but I wanted to put it out there and see what you guys thought. So... help maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inperpetuity Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I was always that way too, so I know what your talking about. Right now, two of my closest friends are guys and they are just that, close friends. If as you say there aren't any romantic feelings involved, then I see absolutely no problem with it. In fact, I've always thought that my biggest cross in the convent would be having to live with a bunch of women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 Most of my friends are male. It's not necessarily on purpose, just they're the people I became friends with. I have female friends, they're just much fewer in number. Like you said, it's not romantic (as much as some people seem to think that's impossible). Guys are just [i]so[/i] much simpler than girl sometimes! I was really cautious about it when I was on my live-in because I was worried they'd think there was something wrong with me. But at recreation one day we were having a conversation and I ended up saying that most of my friends were male and Mother Mistress just said "Oh I was like that too." So I definitely don't think it's a problem at all. The lack of male company might take getting used to, but everyone will have things they have to adapt to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xTrishaxLynnx Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I think a lot of your would-be female friends are probably dating, or at least not discerning religious life, and so at this point you would have very different priorities from them. That can make it difficult to relate to another woman, I think. It might be the same for your guy friends (they may be dating or just single/not discerning,) but it's different, because your guy friends won't expect you to relate in that regard. I don't see a problem with any of that. I also don't think it will be as hard to adjust to living with women as some might be thinking, since you will be with a group of women who are basically doing the same things as you every day, and share a similar spiritual and prayer life to yours. Those things will likely be, at the very least, great points for you to come together and get more acquainted in other ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I think that this is a FANTASTIC question and topic, and I loved what all of you said! I had exactly the same experience before I entered, and even now as a married woman, most of my friends are guys... go figure! I didn't have any trouble adjusting to being with women in the convent.... but I did miss being around males, because they really do see stuff differently.... I don't know exactly what it is... maybe just different hormones, different priorities! It is possible to have really good non-sexual relationships with people of the opposite sex; it is our crazy over-the-top mindset right now that tells us it is impossible. There have been SO MANY good male-female friend saints.... and why should we not have access to good close friends of both sexes? Yes, one does have to use common sense... of course. But I don't think anyone who CAN'T control that should be looking into religous life anyway... my 2 cents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleWaySoul Posted October 7, 2012 Author Share Posted October 7, 2012 Thanks for your advice, everyone! Most of my guy friends at this point are actually discerning the priesthood as well I was just worried that I might not be able to keep up my friendships with them if I became a sister because of the connotation with opposite sex friendships or whatever. Or because of the vow of obedience, I wouldn't be able to go visit them or something. I'd still want to be able to see them sometimes. Then again, I'm not sure about anything at this point, so perhaps marriage is for me. But who knows! This is just a little concern of mine. I'm glad I'm not the only one like this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 [quote name='LittleWaySoul' timestamp='1349634224' post='2490956'] Thanks for your advice, everyone! Most of my guy friends at this point are actually discerning the priesthood as well I was just worried that I might not be able to keep up my friendships with them if I became a sister because of the connotation with opposite sex friendships or whatever. Or because of the vow of obedience, I wouldn't be able to go visit them or something. I'd still want to be able to see them sometimes. Then again, I'm not sure about anything at this point, so perhaps marriage is for me. But who knows! This is just a little concern of mine. I'm glad I'm not the only one like this [/quote] Mother Mistress told me about how a mutual friend of ours has visited her and he is male. Sr. MTo told me about a male college friend who comes to visit. I don't see why it would be forbidden for you to see your friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 It really does depend on the community and their rules. Some communities won't let you; others will. BUT that is true for female friends, too.... and you can always 'meet' in the Eucharist! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 From what I have heard it depends on the community. I think it would also vary with each particular situation. I know of a novice who has a very close friendship with a guy. If you saw them together you would think they were brother and sister, its beautiful. He obviously doesn't get to see her as much anymore but he does get updates from Mother and has been able to see her a couple of times since she entered. (I think it also helps that he is in formation for the priesthood!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleWaySoul Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 Thanks everyone! I felt so sure before, but now I feel like I'm back to where I started-- with both options (marriage and religious life) looking equally viable to me. Hm. Well I'm going on a visit in a few weeks, so we'll see how that goes anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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