FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) Hi y'all. I believe I owe an explanation to those of you who don't know why I have disappeared from VS. As well as one to those of you new people on VS who are like, "Why is someone with the name FutureCarmeliteClaire never on VS?" I guess you all are aware of my ongoing illness that has now been diagnosed with a shoulder condition that caused a DVT in my arm and a small PE (in my lung, obviously). I will have surgery in November to remove my top rib and cut a muscle. Basically, I've been in constant pain (of various degrees) for the past 5 months. I stopped going on VS because I realized that I could have something that may or may not prevent me from entering Carmel (or whatever convent God might be calling me to). I realized my identity for the past 7 years has been "girl who is discerning the religious life". But that's not me. That's something I was doing. I had a mini identity crisis because if I couldn't enter, who was I? Who am I going to be? I'm not going to say that I figured it out, because finding ourselves is a life-long journey. But I at least have a good idea of who CLAIRE is, and who God wants her to be RIGHT NOW. First and foremost, I am called to be God's servant, and from that comes daughter, big sister, and friend. I'm not called to the religious life right now, I'm called to be Claire. I'm a teenager. A young teenager at that. Everything from this point is uncertain. For all of us. Tomorrow, the next day, next month, we do not know what it going to happen. I guarantee you. We all think (or thought at one point) we knew where our life is going. What happens when your life isn't what you thought it would be? The day I was Confirmed in April of this year, I had no clue that one month later I would begin struggling with something that would later lead me to three emergency rooms and develop a blood clot all the way through my axillary vein, and would have potentially killed me. I had no idea. Yeah, this is kind of the extreme, but my point is that we have no idea what's coming. Even in our seemingly certain vocations. I may be called to Carmel. But at least I know that if I'm not, I have potential in any other area where God is calling me, and that I won't be disappointed if He isn't calling me there. Sometimes we work so hard on accepting what we think our vocation is that when presented with a situation that makes us consider something else, that we get cold feet because that's what we've been focused on. I haven't been on VS because I needed to discover myself. I haven't been on VS because I wasn't ready to face that God might not be calling me to the religious life. I haven't been on VS because I didn't want to give those of you discerning what I was given when I thought I was "so sure". When I thought I knew exactly where I was called, people told me, "You might change your mind." "You might meet a good, Catholic guy." "You don't know." At the time, that really hurt my feelings, but I now I know they were right. But sometimes you need to experience that yourself to realize it. And lastly, I haven't been on VS because I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the people entering, I'm jealous of the people in serious discernment. Because I couldn't (and can't) do either of those things at the moment. Now I know that if God is calling me somewhere else, then there's nothing to be jealous about, because what He wants me to do is the greatest thing I can do. Praise God, my medical issues are not forever and are not something that would prevent me from entrance, but I don't know what will happen in 3 days, 3 months, or 3 years. God has a way of making His will happen despite our weaknesses. I am still in discernment with Carmel, and I plan to visit again some point after I recover from surgery and soon enough, make my retreat. I don't know where God is calling me, and I'm okay with that. But for now, I will be saving souls, praying, and serving Him in every way I can. May God bless you all in your discernment. Everyone here is in my daily prayers and I offer my suffering for y'all frequently. FCC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn_eIjZy3dw Edited October 2, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscerningCatholic Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I love you, Claire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Thank you for the wonderful post. Know that we have been praying for you and will continue to pray for you. I applaud you for being so open to God's will. I didn't figure out how to be truly open until I realized the beauty of marriage (And women in general, of course. ), which was only a few months ago. Figuring this out so early is very good in your discernment. Right now I think I'm called to be a Priest, but I don't know. I have so many interests that could lead me somewhere else. It's simply about discerning God's will and figuring out what He wants us to do, not what we want to do. I know firsthand how difficult this can be, but you've made great progress in open mindedness about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiquitunga Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Beautiful, Clarie!!! *tears* I will send you a PM, rather than posting here .. I also cannot enter at present .. let's pray for each other! And I have been[i] meaning forever[/i] to post in that one envy thread started some months ago .. Maybe later tonight I'll get to that. God bless you!! p.s. I LOVE your profile picture of Blessed Chiara!! So appropriate for what you're going through ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaAntigonos Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 As I've done for others, if you will send me -- if you wish, at slevami at yahoo dot com -- for some reason I can neither send nor receive PMs -- your first name and the first name of your mother [which is the way a person is known for a prayer request in Hebrew], I will be happy to put a request for a "refuah shelayma" [a complete recovery] in a crack of the Western Wall of the Temple Mount, which is a traditional Jewish practice. Hang in there, and I suggest you keep in contact with us -- after all, I'm hardly discerning, am I, but I'm here -- at least lurking, as I think it will give you support [this is, after all, a community] and keep us updated on both your spiritual and health states. As a nurse, I would say that while this seems right now to be a seriously disabling factor in your life, it may indeed not preclude active discernment in future. And I believe I'm right to assume you're still in school? That means you have many years yet to decide what to do with your life. All the best... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 [quote name='emmaAntigonos' timestamp='1349205838' post='2489302'] As a nurse, I would say that while this seems right now to be a seriously disabling factor in your life, it may indeed not preclude active discernment in future. And I believe I'm right to assume you're still in school? That means you have many years yet to decide what to do with your life. All the best... [/quote] Right, that's what I was saying. Praise God. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniJesuAmorMi Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 God bless you Claire and God reward you for your post. Our Lord must cherish you so much to send you such a piece of His cross. Remain so close to Him. Everywhere we go and everything we go through He has prepared the way by His grace; because we don't go anywhere that He first hasn't been. He is so beautiful and loving. I am discerning with Carmel also, but I am not able to enter at this time for certain reasons. Please say a little prayer for me also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Wow, Claire...you are just so beautiful. I could really get a sense of your soul just by reading this, and it was overwhelming. I'm also battling with discernment and health issues, so could relate to what you've said quite a bit. I wish you all the love and blessings I can give, and I will continue to pray for your healing. I can tell that I can learn a lot from you. Praise God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3franciscans Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 What a beautiful post Claire! You are an absolutely amazing person! God bless you, you are forever in my daily prayers. *hug* fran Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscerningCatholic Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I think that someone may have already mentioned this, but you are like Bl. Chiara Luce, Jr. Seriously. You and she are so amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysisterisalittlesister Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 That post was avvesome, Claire! What an amazing and brave girl you are. I hope one day to have the strength you have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Claire this is so beautiful. It made me think of a phrase I once heard "the sacrament of the present moment" I think you pretty much explained it. We'll be praying for you and when you are ready we are always here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reminiscere Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Claire, Your post was very beautiful and even if you don't eventually enter Carmel, you've already begun to do the most important "work" of the Carmelite: to embrace the Cross, the call of every Christian, let alone Carmelite. But you were wrong about one thing - you don't owe us an explanation. No one on here owes anyone anything. We are spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ, discerning His will, and the mutual support and sharing of information here is great. But any call we have remains ours, a gift from God. At the end of the day, however, we only owe God an explanation, through His representative: our confessor and/or spiritual director. Of course sharing our hopes and discoveries and joys and sorrows with immediate family or very close friends is done as needed, too. But we aren't obligated to discuss it with others online, even though it frequently can and does help. I'm sure we'll all keep up the prayers for you, and for everyone else here. God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiquitunga Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 [b]^MAJOR[/b] props to the above post!! I was thinking about that last point you made too, but wasn't sure what to say. You said it perfectly! and also about the most important work of a Carmelite, or any Christian .. Also I wanted to add .. [size=4][font=georgia,serif][b][i]"Do you know why I desire to send crosses to the souls that are dear to Me? I desire to possess them entirely, and for that reason I surround them with crosses, and I shut them in with tribulations so that they may not escape out of My hands; for that reason I spread thorns everywhere so that giving their affections to no one they may seek all their pleasure in Me alone. [/i][/b][/font][/size] [size=4][font=georgia,serif][b][i]Words of Our Lord to St. Gemma Galgani .. [url="http://www.stgemmagalgani.com/2010/11/words-of-jesus-on-suffering-reason-for.html"]http://www.stgemmaga...reason-for.html[/url][/i][/b][/font][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 You know what I think from my pm Claire. You are living the Carmelite spirituality right now... It shows us that we do not have to be physically IN Carmel in order to embrace His Carmelite way........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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