Incredibly Upset

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

OK, so as you all know I pretty much have a diagnosis.

I don't know if you remember when I was in the ER when my arm first turned purple. At that visit, they sonogramed my arm and said everything was fine and to go home. No clots. Or so we thought. It turns out that my clot is higher up in my arm then these people sonogramed.

If we had not caught this now, I could have died. I may have been dead in a few weeks if nothing had been caught. We already know part of it dislodged and is in my lung (testing that again tomorrow), but had more of it dislodged, it could have been fatal.

I am on long term twice daily injections of blood thinner. I did my first one myself today. After that my mental and emotional state went downhill. It felt like self harm. I hated myself for it. I started facing the trauma of this whole incident. I feel traumatized and violated. I have no control of anything. I just want to go home.

I have major bruises and marks from the blood thinner. I am almost sure I'll have different permanent scaring down my arms.

I want to go home in a corner and forget this whole thing ever happened.

I'll be having surgery within the next two weeks. I get an official date tomorrow. Prayers please.

I really don't know how I'm going to do this.
~FCC