Can You Understand My 'waking Dream'?

[BarbTherese]

I didn't quite know which forum to post this, so in Open Mic it is! I am wondering if anyone can get any sort of meaning out of the following :


[font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=4][color=#000000]I experienced something unusual for me the last night. I had got my Gospel for the day wrong (I was in the 25th Week Friday instead of the 24th Week) and was reading the Gospel for the day about Jesus praying alone in the presence of His apostles (Luke Ch9) at the beginning of my private prayer time. I prayed for understanding and intended to try Lectio Divina once more. I have problems with a structured Lectio Divina and last night decided to give it a try once more. It is all very confusing, because today it seemed as if it happened a few nights ago but when I checked on the date for the particular Gospel about Jesus praying alone with His apostles, it must have happened last night.[/color]

[color=#000000]I was reflecting on praying alone in the company of others and an image came to my mind (most unusual! my picture imagination is rarely an active one) of Jesus sitting in a circle of His apostles. I could see no faces clearly, not even my own. I just seemed to know who was there and where I was in the scene. I was sitting in my mind directly opposite Jesus in the circle of apostles. Jesus was praying as in the Gospel reading. He raised His head looked right at me and said: “Who do you say that I am?” I replied “You are My Lord and My God”. He looked at me for a moment most intensely and then came over to me and indicated for me to stand up and embraced me. The next thing my imagination presented to me was Jesus standing over me (I was sitting again) with His Hand resting on my head. Then the circle of apostles was gone and Jesus was walking far in the distance and beckoning to me and I was following and this went on for a while, Jesus walking away from me, but beckoning to me and me following Him.[/color]

[color=#000000]Then we were sitting on a hill and in front of us was a most magnificent scene of a beautiful beach with the waves rolling gently in. “What do you think of this?” Jesus asked me. I replied “It is absolutely beautiful” “It is isn’t it?” He replied and we sat there silently for a while just looking at the scene.[/color]

[color=#000000]Then Jesus pointed to a mountain way in the distance on the other side of the bay and the mountain was snow capped white – lots of hills in front of it so that I could only see the top part of the mountain. He said “See that mountain?”[/color]
[color=#000000]“Yes I can”[/color]
[color=#000000]“Climb that mountain and I will meet you there”[/color]
[color=#000000]“But it is so far away, I really would rather just sit here quietly with You in this beautiful scenery”[/color]
[color=#000000]He said again “Climb that mountain. I will meet you there”[/color]
[color=#000000]“I don’t know if I can, Lord” I replied “It is so very far away”[/color]
[color=#000000]“I will meet you there” He said “Do you believe Me when I say, I will meet you there?”[/color]
[color=#000000]“Yes I do”[/color]
[color=#000000]“Then climb that mountain, and I will meet you there”.[/color]

[color=#000000]Next I was alone and walking down into a valley towards the distant mountain. When I got to the base of the hill, the mountain had disappeared from sight as there was another hill to climb directly in front of me. I climbed that hill and when I got to the top expecting to see the mountain still directly ahead of me, it had shifted to the far left of me and I could still only see the top of the mountain due to the many hills in front of it. So I went down into the valley towards the mountain which had disappeared again as I walked into the valley. When I climbed the hill on the other side of the valley towards the mountain on the far left of me and reached the top of the hill, the mountain had shifted to the far right of me.[/color]

[color=#000000]Then my alarm went off for the end of my private prayer.[/color]

[color=#000000]I don’t know what it means, or if it means anything at all and was just my imagination getting some exercise! It was almost like a waking dream and I don’t think I have ever had a waking dream as a sort of story in my life – that I recall anyway. It was a very peaceful experience, though confusing to my understanding. As I seemed to watch this waking dream, I was wondering where it all was going. I was so absorbed, engrossed, in it and it seemed as if I was watching it all happen. I certainly cannot make anything of it, though in my mind, I keep seeing that far distant snow capped mountain. The only understanding I have is that probably the reason the mountain seemed to shift is that I had no compass and in walking down into the valley and up the next hill, I was loosing my sense of direction and the mountain thus seemed to shift. But it wasn’t shifting really, rather I kept loosing my sense of direction when I could no longer actually see the mountain when I was in a valley.[/color]
[color=#000000]I am praying for understanding - if I need to understand that is. It could have been my imagination taking a walk! I have even wondered if a had fallen into a light sleep and dreamt, but on waking it seemed as if I had had a waking dream. I dont think I fell asleep.[/color]

[color=#000000]I wrote it down today before I forgot it all. Can anyone make any sort of head or tail of it? I do intend to send it to my spiritual director, but my next appointment is still a month away. I am most curious and puzzled.[/color][/size][/font]

Edited September 22, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[kujo]

Yeah I dunno.

But I am prone to have night terrors. When my fiancee and I first moved in together, it was kind of an alarming thing for her; I'd always experienced these things, particularly during times of duress. They typically involve someone or something endangering my family, and me being powerless to stop it--physically restrained, mute for some reason, etc. In the dream, I'll be trying to talk or yell at someone; in reality, I'm screaming and yelling in my sleep. Amanda has gotten so used to these occurrences that she barely wakes up, instead nudging me awake without even opening her eyes. God bless her

[BarbTherese]

I dont have those sorts of nightmares, thankfully, well not very often - most rare. But they are really scary if they do occur and once I wake up, it takes me a while to get over the experience and get a grip on the fact that it was only a nightmare. It must be dreadful to be prone to such nightmares.

[Nihil Obstat]

Perhaps the mountain is linked to the Transfiguration?

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

Sounds like a beautiful dream. Perhaps over time something will come to you in prayer about what this could mean for you.

Following Our Lord is what we are all called to do each day. About the mountain, I remember a book I read about a girl who was climbing a mountain, it was a beautiful book and I wish I remembered what it was called, but at each part of the mountain she was faced with either something from the past, herself, or some other obstacle that came her way, but as she got higher she was able to overcome these things that got in the way of her becoming closer to Our Lord. This mountain reminded me very much of the interior castle (the book from St. Teresa) about the many levels there are of union with Our Lord. Just a few thoughts; and I really hope I remember what the book was because I'd also like to read it again! Then I would be able to explain it better too.

Edited September 23, 2012 by VeniJesuAmorMi

[BarbTherese]

It was a beautiful 'dream' VJAM - even though it was puzzling, it was never disturbing in any way.
Thank you for your comment, NO. I did reflect at first that mountains certainly are quite spiritual places and comparisons. Though it didn't seem to me at the time to be anything as wondrous as The Transfiguration. At first it seemed just a scene from life with Jesus praying alone with His apostles and me present - up to Him placing His hand on my head. After that it really assumed a dream like quality with me as observer. I am very surprised indeed that I can still recall it with the clarity that I can. Very surprised - my memory both short and long terms is terrible.

I think I may have worked it out. I went to Vigil Mass Sat night and prayed for understanding. When I came home I did a bit of research on the internet about dreams, although mine was really a sort of waking dream. On the internet I read that even dreams with religious content can have a psychological content, and that seemed to click somewhere with me.
More prayer to the Holy Spirit and this is what I have come up with :- I have been in a very positive spiritual place for sometime now and a place of consolation. I have also been under two specialists that I dont really want to change (I need to change because of a distance factor) and have been trying to work out how I could get to these specialists (2 buses) without changing. The distance factor is due to my having changed residences after 30 years in one. I have been in this 'new' residence for 3 years now and getting to these specialists has proved a real probloem.
I think the first part of my 'dream' (to where Jesus has His hand on my head) is my comfort zone and the place of consolation and security that has been mine for some years now. Jesus is asking me to break out of my comfort zone (Jesus walking away from me and beckoning all the while) and change specialists and though I don't know whether they will be as good as the one's I now have (in my dream this is why the top of the mountain kept disappearing), Divine Providence will be with me and I can be assured Jesus will be with me with two new specialists (Jesus saying "Climb the mountain. I will meet you there"). Journeying over the hills towards the mountain will be the process of settling in with two new specialists and since one will be my psychiatrist (I suffer Bipolar Disorder), I know that a new psychiatrist is a real drain of good sessions and not so good as he or she gets to know me. My current psychiatrist and the best I have ever consulted and for quite some years now is quite happy if I change to someone closer to where I live - under her treatment, I have gone from a very sick woman, to quite stable over some years.

Sometimes, apparently, those who have a religious dream, and who are religious, want to have a strictly heightened and solely religious meaning. Mine, I think, was a mixture of both religious and facts in my ordinary everyday life. And as kujo indicated about his experiences, it was at a time of stress (considering changing specialists).
We can forget that Jesus is absolutely with us in the very ordinary events of life and very often our path is a very ordinary one to appearances. And mine is certainly a very ordinary life to all and every appearance.

My interpretation does seem to click into place with me. This may change over time, it may not and I will be talking with my spiritual director about the 'dream' and posting to her my written description of the dream prior to my next appointment. I am truly surprised that it is now Sunday and I can still so vividly recall the waking 'dream'.

Thank you to all posters. I am most grateful and I am taking on board what has been posted. I was really puzzled at first by my waking 'dream' and as I said, my understanding of it may change over time. Apparently, dreams can do this. One interpretation/understanding may shift to another. Dreams can have multiple meanings. Mine really was a reflection on a Gospel and the 'dream' just took over of its own volition it seemed to me. I seemed to be watching a story unfold. I will be changing specialists and this will shift me from a place of security to one of insecurity, at least only initially I hope. I recall too reading that Thomas Merton wrote that it is important that we are willing, if necessary, to surrender security for a place of insecurity. So I guess I have some good totally and quite human 'backing'. Common sense does tell me (when I let it have a word or two) that it would be both wise and more practical to change specialists closer to where I live - and St Albert wrote in his ancient Rule of Carmel that common sense is the guide of all the virtues. And in that I have saintly 'backing' to change specialists.

A bit of a smile : A Carmelite prioress who is my best pal told me many years ago to adopt the Rule of St Albert for my lay life under private vows. To that she added, laughing - "but don't get a donkey (ass or mule), get a bike" (see the Rule of St Albert about donkeys). I guess you need to know me to really get the joke in what she said. I can be absolutely unconventional without realizing it. My psychiatrist terms it as an "eccentric personality". So in due course I bought a bike and rode it until I had a nasty fall off it. I now bus it or walk it everywhere.

Thank you all again.

Edited September 23, 2012 by BarbaraTherese