For Me

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Please pray for me.

I am happy that we're kind of getting to a positive turn in this journey with my illness, but it isn't really getting easier. Not that I expected it to, either.

I'm in as much pain as ever. It hurts to do pretty much anything, and I'm really sick of that.

I have pretty much always had negative self body image issues. I'm not like incredibly overweight or anything, I'm around size of an average American woman (I didn't say a healthy one), but sometimes I just feel like the fattest person ever. I know I'm not, it's just a pain. It's probably due to the fact that because of my medical issues I am on diets because I have to lose weight. Because of these issues, (once I loose weight), I really won't be able to go over a 10 in ladies' clothes. So not only do I have to drop like 3 sizes, I have to keep it that way forever. As a teen girl, you already have to deal to an extent with this croutons, but it's just hard when you're being pushed by people around you to loose weight like this. I mean, I'm talking like a good 30/40 pounds. I know I have to, but it really bothers me. I can't not think about what I eat or how I look. I feel anxious whenever I eat, and I look in the mirror and I'm not happy.

At this moment, I'm having shooting pain across my shoulder, and can't move my head to the left. I hate this.

I really can't do this. I need prayers, Pham.