Emmaberry's Pcc Countdown

[emmaberry101]

I'm visiting the Monastery again this weekend! And I get to eat their collation (supper), breakfast, and dinner (lunch), which I love. Mother said this this is part of the grace-I think it has more to do with the fact that the food is delicious! But of course she is right. It's good for me to visit the Monastery this much because there is so much grace with being there. I can get so caught up in the business of daily living that I can start to forget why exactly I am entering..being back is like "whoosh" an influx of grace, and it reminds me of why I am doing this (and more importantly, it gives me the nerve to follow through!)

The time is going so quickly now... It's the perfect amount, almost like I am watching an hourglass slowly spill out sand. You know how that works, if you concentrate on it, it never actually runs out, but the second you look away it happens. Before I was really anxious, thinking entrance would never come. It seemed so far off.. But now, I can see that every day between now and my entrance has some special purpose, whether this be spending time with my brother, grandparents, parents, sister, pets, friends, or just being busy with preparations. I would love to enter tomorrow, but there is still so much to do and I am really grateful for the months allowed by Superiors to prepare before entering (even if they seem like forever in the beginning!) And I know that, looking back on this time, it will seem to have flown by from hindsight's perspective.

I really like this poem because it undercuts that "romanticized" view of religious life we so often discourage here on VS.. Mother Francis said, "God only knows the amount of suffering he allows His contemplatives to undergo." It's also perfectly Franciscan (and more so Catholic) to count all personal suffering as perfect joy:

Broken Cisterns

He is as zephyred winds upon the soul,
They said,
And cloudless cloister skies
Yawn over the galeless haven of the heart.

Strange, no one said His love would be
A vague unrest in all my deepest peace...

They spoke with sighs of flowery cloister ways
And of His smile
Like satin songs of evening.

But not a word was ever said of how
His gentle eyes would flog away repose,
And no one ever mentioned how His voice would thunder
Down my cool-seated caverns of compromise

My hands, according to their counsel sheltered
For quiet prayer, they never told would bleed
With steep ascents' crag clinging, and the feet
They set to flower bordered ways
They never said would know
Of black rocks' tearng, torturous paths
Among forbidden trees

No, no on even hinted at the swords of His demand
That part the flesh from bone and leave the heart
Riven with a wild and white desire.
And no one knows except He once has heard
That loud, imperious call in His own heart
And left all padded satisfaction for the climb
That knows no peak. But this is all of joy.


[indent=3][i]Mother Mary Francis, PCC[/i][/indent]

Edited November 21, 2012 by emmaberry101

[emmaberry101]

Wow, was just re-reading the newsletter posted on the Roswell Poor Clares' site, and found this:

[img]https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-p3gz63t4UNE/UK3Koqhgu9I/AAAAAAAAAjM/G80LJVwe9jg/s649/Screen%2520shot%25202012-11-22%2520at%252012.46.24%2520AM.png[/img]

What is so neat about that is that Elena, Sister's baptismal name, means "torch" or "shining bright one." How fantastic! For anyone who may not know, "Chiara" or "Clare" means "clear/light", so if your batismal name means something similar it might just be a subtle hint from the Lord concerning your destiny!

Also, the little snippet revealed to me that Poor Clares have a title following their name. I did not know this before. Of course, Mother Francis was of Our Lady, but I thought she might have been a special case.

[ChristinaTherese]

Emma, I know you said your sisters were getting a new website. Is it up yet? It seems like it's been awfully long.... But I thought you said it would be poorclaresroswell.org, and that doesn't seem to work. Was I wrong about the URL, or is it just not up yet?

[emmaberry101]

[quote name='Christina Thérèse' timestamp='1353567498' post='2514722']
Emma, I know you said your sisters were getting a new website. Is it up yet? It seems like it's been awfully long.... But I thought you said it would be poorclaresroswell.org, and that doesn't seem to work. Was I wrong about the URL, or is it just not up yet?
[/quote]

Happy Thanksgiving Christina Thérèse! Yes, that is a funny story actually. The website is complete and is being put on the web (Roswell PCCs don't have Internet-only typewriters!) by Roswell's daughter house in Eindhoven, Holland. That was a couple months ago. I have contacted the Holland Clares over their Facebook page, but suspect they may be off Facebook for the Franciscan advent which begins November 1st. Roswell is extremely excited for the site to be live! The novice designed it (she is brilliant and was studying engineering before entering) and it is far more comprehensive than the current one, though their site is one of the more comprehensive of those I've come across in my vocational discernment.

Sorry, for the long answer! In short, I have no idea, but I hope it is very soon.

Edit: The site will be the .org address, but the domain has not been bought yet I guess. my wording may be incorrect there. I believe Eindhoven was going to do that as well!

Edited November 22, 2012 by emmaberry101

[Rosa immaculata]

Ave Maria!

Waow Emmaberry! I didn't think of that before whereas I knew the significations of the both names! My name is Helene too, and so it has almost the same signification as Clare! You have done my day, thank you so much! So I hope I have a luminous destiny, hum... on the path and the light of St Clare??

Good visit at YOUR monastery this week-end, I'll pray for you!

[emmaberry101]

[quote name='Rosa immaculata' timestamp='1353581427' post='2514734']
Ave Maria!

Waow Emmaberry! I didn't think of that before whereas I knew the significations of the both names! My name is Helene too, and so it has almost the same signification as Clare! You have done my day, thank you so much! So I hope I have a luminous destiny, hum... on the path and the light of St Clare??

Good visit at YOUR monastery this week-end, I'll pray for you!
[/quote]

Yes! It means torch or moon, from my meager research (though I am sure you know far more about your names meaning than I do!). How interesting! I would definitely look into the Poor Clares.

Of course, some might roll their eyes and think that paying any attention to names is hokey, but St Clare's daughters could talk all day long about "the light illuminating all the world." Also, the Bible interests itself very much in names!

[inperpetuity]

Ah, suddenly my old username and password is working! Emmaberry thanks for posting that wonderful poem, I love it! It's been almost as if I've been experiencing the anticipation and wonder of your upcoming entrance right along with you as I've read the posts here. Our Lord truly does court his brides and give them many little gifts along the way. I hope your visit this weekend is filled with blessings.

Edited November 22, 2012 by inperpetuity

[NonNovi]

[quote name='emmaberry101' timestamp='1353600848' post='2514771']
Yes! It means torch or moon, from my meager research
[/quote]

It's Greek. Helenè is a torch, selenè is the moon.

Clare comes from the Latin clarus/clara. It means bright or clear (you see what they did there? )

So they both have everything to do with light and stuff. This is why I'm glad I studied Latin and Greek

[Rosa immaculata]

Yes Nonnovi, you are right!! My name is Greek and it precisely means ray of sunlight/ sunbeam (Rayon de soleil): it is very beautiful and delicate I think (yes I am proud of my name, aha, and above all of my saint patron: The great St Helen who found the Holy Cross; hum all that is really Poor Clare/Franciscan stuff:) ). I studied Latin and Greek too, and it is very practical for the names (I don't like certains, but when I think of their signification, then I find them very beautiful!).

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='emmaberry101' timestamp='1353600848' post='2514771']
Yes! It means torch or moon, from my meager research (though I am sure you know far more about your names meaning than I do!). How interesting! I would definitely look into the Poor Clares.

Of course, some might roll their eyes and think that paying any attention to names is hokey, but St Clare's daughters could talk all day long about "the light illuminating all the world." Also, the Bible interests itself very much in names!
[/quote]

After you said that about names, I looked up my name and found out it means "joy." I like that!

[emmaberry101]

[i]Poem of the Day [/i]

Apocalypse

On the renewal of Religious Vows


I saw the mists of sorrow lift like hands
And the gates of vigil melt like smiles.

And I heard a Voice like many waters say:
"No sparrow falls to the earth
Without a sigh in heaven.
And no dream dies."

Then I saw Your promises ride home like knights,
And I saw the floes of hate weep in the flames of Your love,
And the great hands of desire grow feeble
With the burgeon of Your poorness;
And I saw the masks of bitterness drop like weak tears
At the songs of Your surrender.

And then with a sound of opening blossoms
I heard a Voice say:
"The very sighs of your heart are numbered."

And I understood like a shout.

The mysteries of sorrow grew simple as fire
And the white throat of despair
Blushed with a psalm.

And the Seraphim came and warmed themselves at Your chastity.
And the Dominations waved palms before Your acquiescence.
And the Thrones veiled their faces before Your refusals.
Then I heard a Voice full of stars say:
"I have numbered your tears.
And no dream fell to the earth
Without my knowing."

I saw You open Your arms like eternity.

Then the mists settled on my heart again.


[indent=5][i]Mother Mary Francis, PCC[/i][/indent]



[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1353631105' post='2514962']
After you said that about names, I looked up my name and found out it means "joy." I like that!
[/quote]
How neat, Mater! Yes, I actually put in my application that my name meant, "all-containing, universal." I was always so confused by this until one day the invisible lightbulb over my head went off and *ping* it made sense! (Note: I could not believe how perfect this emoticon was. Blew my mind.) Edit: I just remembered that a friend's name literally means: "She who must be loved!" She feels called to the Sisterhood as well.

Edited November 23, 2012 by emmaberry101

[emmaberry101]

[i][size=4]Fidelity[/size][/i]

Loving you less,
I would plait the petalled dusk with folded dawn
And lay that wreath upon Your candid brow.

Bring untrue,
I would fill Your hands with little songs, and fling
Dream-shadows in Your paths to kiss Your feet.

Traitorous, I would shield Your cheeks
Against the driving rain,
Thrust away pain's dagger from Your breast.

But loving You more,
I take the gentle flowers of Your hands
And crush in them the cruel print of nails.

True to You, my own,
I drive the spearpoint to Your heart.

Loyal, love, I crown Your head with thorns.


[indent=4][i]Mother Mary Francis, PCC[/i][/indent]

Edited November 24, 2012 by emmaberry101

[Lil'Monster]

you are leaving me, everyone is leaving me

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

[quote name='emmaberry101' timestamp='1353522831' post='2514321']
It's good for me to visit the Monastery this much because there is so much grace with being there. I can get so caught up in the business of daily living that I can start to forget why exactly I am entering..being back is like "whoosh" an influx of grace, and it reminds me of why I am doing this (and more importantly, it gives me the nerve to follow through!)
[/quote]

That is a beautiful grace Emmaberry to be able to make visits before you enter! I can only imagine what it's like to go there and know that soon enough that is where you will call home (though in your heart it is this way now.) When you go inside the Chapel do you imagine yourself behind the grille with the Sisters? ..... This is probably what I would be doing!

I searched the Poor Clares in Roswell to see about the new website (I'm excited to see it!) and I came across this blog where someone back in early 2009 recorded the Sister's Chanting during Mass while they were there (it was nice that they even said in one of the posts that they received permission to share them.) The first one I clicked on was the Intriot "O Admirabile" and heard the bell ringing and I just love that sound of the bell from the cloister. Here is the link if anyone was interested (you can't hear them too much, but they still sound beautiful.)

[url="http://voxfeminaesacra.blogspot.com/2011/04/poor-clare-recordings-roswell-nm.html"]http://voxfeminaesac...roswell-nm.html[/url]

Edited November 24, 2012 by VeniJesuAmorMi

[emmaberry101]

[color=#cc0066][i]Poem of the Day[/i][/color]

Thanksgiving after Holy Communion

Take this for thanks torrential
Frantic beating
Of my soul's wings against these tight, hot prison walls
Of flesh.
Or take for joy ecstatic, spirit's panting
In my body's sack of weary air.

O Christ! with what white dreams of perfect loving
I gave my lips up to Your hosted kiss!
But now the unfleshed will is agonizing
So nearly crushed beneath the sagging bone.

O strong, O holy, O immortal Lover!
Take for thanks my tired heart's grateful drooping
On Your own.
Take for love the little swords of longing.
Be a Lover - hold me in your arms.


[indent=4][i]Mother Mary Francis, PCC[/i][/indent]



[quote name='Lil'Monster' timestamp='1353724287' post='2515527']
you are leaving me, everyone is leaving me
[/quote]

Oh, Lil Mon, I will miss you and all the pham. You all have been very kind and extremely supportive, and I think it will be harder than I think to leave that behind. I would love for you to write me-I especially want to hear about whether you decide to enter, and if not what you do eventually decide to do. You will be just fine though! I don't know of anyone else leaving in the immediate future, so you are safe for a little while longer.

[quote name='VeniJesuAmorMi' timestamp='1353725929' post='2515543']
That is a beautiful grace Emmaberry to be able to make visits before you enter! I can only imagine what it's like to go there and know that soon enough that is where you will call home (though in your heart it is this way now.) When you go inside the Chapel do you imagine yourself behind the grille with the Sisters? ..... This is probably what I would be doing!

I searched the Poor Clares in Roswell to see about the new website (I'm excited to see it!) and I came across this blog where someone back in early 2009 recorded the Sister's Chanting during Mass while they were there (it was nice that they even said in one of the posts that they received permission to share them.) The first one I clicked on was the Intriot "O Admirabile" and heard the bell ringing and I just love that sound of the bell from the cloister. Here is the link if anyone was interested (you can't hear them too much, but they still sound beautiful.)

[url="http://voxfeminaesacra.blogspot.com/2011/04/poor-clare-recordings-roswell-nm.html"]http://voxfeminaesac...roswell-nm.html[/url]
[/quote]

Thanks for posting VeniJesu! Even with the various coughs and interruptions, it is still a very nice and quality recording. I love the fact that she (he?) received permission to post these-I had not noticed this before, so thank you for pointing that out.

Yes, you are totally correct about dreaming about being on the other side of that grille! The Portress Sisters actually help with this.. Every time I talk to a certain Portress she is so sweet and says things like, "This is your home now." She said that one before I found out I was accepted-it calmed my nerves very much! Every time I will call, I feel bad and apologize for calling so much. She always says, "Do not apologize-It is a gift to hear your voice! We are counting down the days until we will hear it every day, hopefully." [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/blush.gif[/img]

[size=4]The other Portress is so sweet as well, I just have not spoken on the phone with her as much! I told her once that I really enjoyed speaking with her about the PCC vocation, so now every time I see her she so generously (they are all very busy-true for all contemplatives!) says, "Is there anything else you would like to talk about?" [/size]

[size=4]Sorry, went off on a goose chase there. Anyway, yes, I am literally aching to enter. I think I understand how most brides-to-be feel before their weddings now. It's like...you've found your place, "the one", and it is such a pain to be anywhere else but with that specific "one." Of course, you will miss your family, but it is a small price to pay for the joy that awaits.. (The one being the groom for brides, the community for us future entrants!) [/size]

[size=4]Also, (congratulations if you are still reading, btw ) I thought of something I wish I had known concerning how you know a community is "it." When you find the right community, you would literally not take a million dollars to go to another, in the same way that a happily engaged person could never in a million years marry another person while being in love with "the one". Sorry if that sounds confusing, I just wish someone had told me that the bond is that strong before entrance. It really took me by surprise-not that it was unpleasant, just unexpected![/size]

Edited November 24, 2012 by emmaberry101