Different Values From Parents

[To Jesus Through Mary]

Upon reflection, you are right about one thing. I could have been more gentle in my approach. Although I still stand by what I said, it could have been said with a lot more grace. I sincerely apologize for that.

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1348485516' post='2485942']
T&L it's not that we didn't hear you, you just didn't like what some of us had to say. Cmother gave you some great ideas based off of real life experience of how you could approach your parents about the meal thing. As for the organizing thing, I still think it is a reasonable request on the part of your parents. As for the job, I don't know the specifics behind it. If they told you not to apply for it or if they advised you. Is it a matter of obedience or you care too much what they think? I dunno. You mentioned early that you care a lot what others think. I fall into that same trap and it has taken me a great deal of time to overcome it, to be comfortable with myself when someone close to me doesn't like my decision. As for the dating thing just mentioned- yeah go to young adult events at your church. I agree you gotta be out to meet people. Again pray. and pray hard. Pax sister.[/quote]
As for Cmother, I am having trouble translating from her views and her situation to practical steps on how to change things in mine. I take care of a lot of the things she said in her first post about taking care of one's own life. If you know how to communicate certain things to my parents and what would be respectful in doing what she said about dinner, please help me understand what that is.

As for the job, it is based on a misunderstanding of what they thought I was asking when I asked what they thought of it.

As for young adult nights, those do not exist at (sort of) my (new) church as far as I know. The last church I was trying to go to but had schedule issues with in regard to their atypical services times had a young adult night that didn't go much beyond 22 and I have not had much chance to talk to the leaders who are my age and very few among them. Other young adult groups usually have the next oldest non-leader at 4 years younger than myself. Two churches near my have singles groups that meet on Sunday, so I could spend an hour there in the morning or change denomination. The other meets at a church I used to go to but do not want to attend on Sunday and has the old college group members meeting (get ready) at dinner time for a Bible study like they used to. I have prayed more about meeting someone this year than I have anything else.

[quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1348485516' post='2485942']
I will be praying for you at Mass today.[/quote]
Thank you.

[Anastasia13]

There are some things I have taken for granted in life, and for the first time in my life or at least in years, I am really questioning them and asking myself what do I really want in life. I still want to do something like what I wanted to do a decade ago, and I believe there is a reason for it. I believe that is part of why God has brought something into my life, a conversation with someone in that, a dream about my parents before I was chrismated, and the conversation about a sermon that my parents heard today as confirmation of certain things. My parents just heard a sermon noting that we honor (respect) our parents our whole life, but children are the ones told to obey, and this is probably because children do not have discernment.

I started this thread because I have always been motivated by external approval, and the idea of not necessarily having that scares me. The idea of spending the rest of my life wondering what if and regretting not doing certain things scares me more. That is where I have to take a risk. This is not about honoring my parents because I still respect them, but there comes a time when an adult has to make his or her own decisions. If my parents seriously disapproved, then I could conceivably pay the last of my car off from them and rent a room elsewhere. It's the in-between that I am inexperienced in. I want a life of no excuses and no regrets, and that is a big reason why I am job hunting and looking forward to moving out. Yes, it might be harder to take care of some things for myself, but I will have no one to blame. It's not time to move out yet, and I am respecting both my parents' wish that I save some more money and my own sense of financial wisdom in this. When I do though, I think that it will be easier to live a life that is in some ways healthier for me because I will be asking what do I really need in life and doing it. The way I and my family life now is not the life I was meant to live, and I am on a mission to change that. Part of this mission is to pursue a certain kind of career that I let someone's concern or my own fear or assumptions about keep me from really going for it, but trying for this is something that is a risk I need to take.

Doing something because my parents want me to pleases men. Doing something because it is what God wants me to do pleases God. If I please God and I please men because God wants me to, then so much the better, but it must first and foremost be about God. I need to do things and remember that I am doing things not as a servant to my parents (such as in organizing) but to the glory of the Lord (and being ready for what He has in store for me). Upon reflection of how I did things when I first started college, I think that if I had done what I really wanted then, I would have been in a better place now, and my dissatisfaction with things like dinners is a symptom if the errors of my youth and the consequences thereof, and perhaps that is why patience was the virtue drawn for me from the other thread.

Perhaps it is pride that I am writing this, the idea that I might simply be chalked up by those on this board to wanting to be rebellious, (Lord have mercy on me if I am) when I am trying to live more honestly and authentically (something I think God wants of us), but hopefully you may understand somewhat better what has been going through my head. Perhaps it is pride that is influencing me in that I had been afraid of looking foolish to my family, but I wonder if my attempts to figure out more specifically the life I want to lead and exercise what freedom I do have will confuse them or make me look stupid. I've been working on some real decisions on what I want in life over the last few months. I hope this makes some sense to you and that, although I can do better at obeying my parents, it is clear that what has been going through my head is not as simple and mommy and daddy say do this and I don't want to do it.

Edited November 12, 2012 by Light and Truth

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1348455671' post='2485856']If you miss a meal it goes in the fridge and its called leftovers, its not wasting food. Leftovers can make a good meal. Our lives are not so structured that we cannot make spur of the moment plans to meet friends if they ask, and its not a big deal. [/quote]
Today is one of those days that I wish my life was more like that...

Edited November 18, 2012 by Light and Truth