Different Values From Parents

[Anomaly]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1347767982' post='2482913']
just be open with my parents and good parents will accept me the way I am, however in or out of agreement (assuming its nothing really bad like hard drugs).
[/quote]Just accepting "whatever" would be a good definition of a Bad Parent. Disagreement can be done respectfully by your parents AND you. In the setting of a dinner, disagreements shouldn't be the main topic of conversation or interaction. Considering that they're your parents, shouldn't you be able to tolerate and respect their difference in opinions as long as they're aren't making you rob banks or do drugs? You are living in the home they provide? What's so destructive to you about having dinner with them without the differences being important. You have much more in common.

[Anomaly]

Some things arent worth repeating....

Edited September 16, 2012 by Anomaly

[add]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1347767982' post='2482913']
Ok, cause the quoted part was about prayer and stuff, and I didn't see how that related to what you said. Ok, so your take is just be open with my parents and good parents will accept me the way I am, however in or out of agreement (assuming its nothing really bad like hard drugs).
[/quote]
What do you mean by “good parents” and “nothing really bad “?
You can benefit more without a prejudgemental attitude towards the parent(s) in question and a No holds barred (good, bad or indifferent) open and honest subject matter dicussion.

Edited September 16, 2012 by add

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1347754631' post='2482819']
I come from a pretty conservative family. I just don't talk about politics. If they want to discuss politics with me then I just listen and let them talk. Makes visits and get-togethers much more pleasant. It's also more respectful. The most I ever do it ask questions. You can still learn a lot from people with more life experience than you.
[/quote]

.....i.....i......

i think i love you.

[MIKolbe]

wow, your tooth does hurt...that must be the meds talking.

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='MIkolbe' timestamp='1347813113' post='2483006']
wow, your tooth does hurt...that must be the meds talking.
[/quote]
Oh shoot. I have to go take my meds.

[Anastasia13]

My parents and I do not fight. I get slightly irked with them a little every now and then, but nothing too bad about them in particular. They know every time I leave the home for something other than work in the morning. They know where I go, what friends I see, when I will be back, etc. I'm not[i] that [/i]far from being 30. I can't often do much to help with dinner because I don't know what the plans are or I don't know how to cook that mean plan, and we eat late enough that I have limited use of my evenings during the week. I am currently job hunting for something better/that allows me to do what I want to professionally and not live paycheck to paycheck should I move out.

I am slow to differentiate from my family as someone once put it. Only in my mid 20s did I ever decide for myself where I wanted to go to church instead of following them, or really ask myself things like what I do I really honestly want to do with my life more than anything else. I'm taking a different approach in a few things. Here is an example. They want me to organize and clean out my room more because it is their house and it would be better for me. Honestly, the fact that they want it means very little to me other than it would be nice. Sorting and organizing is a real challenge for me-would rather do calculus. I am trying to take care of myself and my life for ME, and that is what motivates me to actually do it, not anything they say or do. Whether it is right or wrong, it is and it is what needs to be for me to do what I need to do in life so please don't tell me I ought to be willing to listen to them. Mom already told me that I am too externally focused (when it comes to doing things with/for friends) and need to take care of my own life more and she is right about at least part of that.

[To Jesus Through Mary]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1347760413' post='2482849']
(I don't have a lot of faith, which will make them sad. I do go to church more than they do, though increasingly different ones than they do.)

Actually, let's say it. Why? How do I use prayer? Why Confession? And don't just say cause I get more grace when I receive the sacraments.
[/quote]

If you don't have "much faith" it kind of makes sense why pray doesn't make sense to you. (I don't mean that in a snarky way- you can't hear my tone so I am clarifying) But the reason for prayer and the sacraments is because we[i] need[/i] grace. There is no way I can live out this Christian life without God's help. As I taught my kids this week, grace is simply put a supernatural gift. It is a gift from God. God will not force us to take this gift, but it is there waiting for us.

When I first converted from protestantism to the Catholic Church I was such a punk towards my family. So stinkin prideful (and really it made it all the more silly because my conversion was sheer grace- so nothing for me to boast about in actuality.) My family is very vocal about their beliefs. Things got ugly. Slowly I learn to do what Hasan said (I cannot believe I am writing those words *cold shiver*) allow them to talk and be super respectful. It produced no good to speak about our differences, it was simply my pride- I wanted to be right and prove them wrong. Peace came more readily and easily. Now we talk about faith but in very general terms. We have found some sort of common ground. There is NO way this could have happened for my family accept through prayer. My family is slightly messy and the amount of healing that took place came from God alone. It was through years of prayer and strengthening myself in the Most Blessed Sacrament and Confession. He gave us these gifts through the Church to strengthen us. I personally am going to take that gift!

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1347830469' post='2483082']
If you don't have "much faith" it kind of makes sense why pray doesn't make sense to you. (I don't mean that in a snarky way- you can't hear my tone so I am clarifying) But the reason for prayer and the sacraments is because we[i] need[/i] grace. There is no way I can live out this Christian life without God's help. As I taught my kids this week, grace is simply put a supernatural gift. It is a gift from God. God will not force us to take this gift, but it is there waiting for us.[/QUOTE]

I pray, like for getting to work on time and getting through a tired day. I am still waiting for the good man for a romantic future-hopefully including marriage and a family of my own, and for a new job when any job took a while to get the first one.

How does one use prayer in this kind of situation?

[quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1347830469' post='2483082']When I first converted from protestantism to the Catholic Church I was such a punk towards my family. So stinkin prideful (and really it made it all the more silly because my conversion was sheer grace- so nothing for me to boast about in actuality.) My family is very vocal about their beliefs. Things got ugly. Slowly I learn to do what Hasan said (I cannot believe I am writing those words *cold shiver*) allow them to talk and be super respectful. It produced no good to speak about our differences, it was simply my pride- I wanted to be right and prove them wrong. Peace came more readily and easily. Now we talk about faith but in very general terms. We have found some sort of common ground. There is NO way this could have happened for my family accept through prayer. My family is slightly messy and the amount of healing that took place came from God alone. It was through years of prayer and strengthening myself in the Most Blessed Sacrament and Confession. He gave us these gifts through the Church to strengthen us. I personally am going to take that gift!
[/quote]
When you converted, did you see yourself differently? If so, how? How did you adjust? How did you become comfortable with your new identity as a Catholic? How old were you? How do you know how much to share to be respectful and open yet peace-keeping? What made them more accepting of your changes?

Edited September 16, 2012 by Light and Truth

[Anastasia13]

One of the things I really need to work on is confidence. What are normal liberties that I should feel free to exercise?

[To Jesus Through Mary]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1347832489' post='2483088']
I pray, like for getting to work on time and getting through a tired day. I am still waiting for the good man for a romantic future-hopefully including marriage and a family of my own, and for a new job when any job took a while to get the first one.

How does one use prayer in this kind of situation?
[/quote]
Prayer is so much more then making a wish-list to God. If every time I talked to a friend, I just talked at her and asked her for stuff it wouldn't be much of a friendship. Prayer is a dialogue with God that leads us to the Divine Union with him. To learn what His will is for our life. Like in your discernment to convert to Orthodox, I hope (and most likely you did) you prayed extensively about it. To know for sure it was His will for you. God has a distinct plan and purpose for our lives. He wants to be united with us.

Concretely how this could apply to your situation: 1. pray for the situation to bring the great glory to God 2. pray for the strength and humility to take the slights received with much patience and resignation 3. for the conversion of your family 4. for you to know God's will and for your own conversion (we all need conversion) 5. for you to be a witness and a light to your family of Christ's love (this only comes through being united to him) 6. Thank God that he has given you a loving family (I should have put this first!!) 7. Thank God for given you the use of reason 8. To thank God for the faith you have 9. Pray for and increase in faith (I should have put this 2nd!!).
Obviously the list could go on- and as you can see I did not order them by importance.

But look the reality is Jesus is totally in love with you- He wants you to know Him. Pray to Him- beg him for the grace for your heart to be opened.

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1347832489' post='2483088']
When you converted, did you see yourself differently? If so, how? How did you adjust? How did you become comfortable with your new identity as a Catholic? How old were you? How do you know how much to share to be respectful and open yet peace-keeping? What made them more accepting of your changes?
[/quote]

Yeah I saw myself different. Everything changed when I converted. My worldview had to shift to align with the Church's teaching. I had some hard pills to swallow. Also honestly I got a big head when I converted. It was totally wrong, and I have since repented. But this was a major conflict when I first entered. I thought I knew everything. I realize now how little I actually know. The adjustment came in time and I actually lived out my faith and was around other faithful Catholics. There were times all I wanted to do was run back to the Protestant church... in reality run back to the familiar. But the Eucharist, how could I leave Christ Himself?? He founded this Church, how could I leave what he held so dear and died for? I spent many hours in Adoration, praying and finding my way in him. In the silence He spoke to my heart. I was 23 when I came home to the Catholic Church.

As for how do I know? Again prayer. I pray to the Holy Spirit to lead me as to what to say. When in doubt, I shut up. Why are they more accepting? Prayer- I cannot soften hearts, God alone can do that.

In the end, it really isn't about me, my family, or anyone else. It is about the Father. So why not leave the details in his hands. The world looks at this kind of trust (which I strive for and have not yet attained by any means) and mocks. The world does not understand humility so they ridicule. The elevate pride and false tolerance to the highest of virtues. But it isn't like Jesus didn't warn us the world wouldn't get us. Haters gonna hate.

Edited September 17, 2012 by To Jesus Through Mary

[Slappo]

Just keep in mind that first and foremost we don't pray because we want something, we need something, we want to grow in grace, we want to grow in a particular virtue etc. First and foremost we pray because God is deserving of our prayers and love. Secondly we pray for the things we think will help us best grow in love and virtue or will help those we care about . Prayer should be God centered not self-centered - not about us but about Him. That's not to knock on petitioning God for things, just to help keep in mind some realities of prayer.

[4588686]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1347811840' post='2483004']
.....i.....i......

i think i love you. [/QUOTE]


Excellent.

[To Jesus Through Mary]

[quote name='Slappo' timestamp='1347842717' post='2483145']
Just keep in mind that first and foremost we don't pray because we want something, we need something, we want to grow in grace, we want to grow in a particular virtue etc. First and foremost we pray because God is deserving of our prayers and love. Secondly we pray for the things we think will help us best grow in love and virtue or will help those we care about . Prayer should be God centered not self-centered - not about us but about Him. That's not to knock on petitioning God for things, just to help keep in mind some realities of prayer.
[/quote]

I am out of props, but very well said. You are 110% spot on.

[add]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1347817915' post='2483026']
They want me to organize and clean out my room more because it is their house and it would be better for me. Honestly, the fact that they want it means very little to me other than it would be nice. Sorting and organizing is a real challenge for me-would rather do calculus.
[/quote]
REALLY! that's why you need your own place?