Difficulties And Moving On

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Hey guys.

*big long sigh* I feel very "meh" right now. Of course, stressed, slowly getting used to that, but still trying to get rid of it and channel it other places. I've been doing pretty well the last two days trying not to focus on the fact I have no idea what is going on and have no idea what my life will be like in four years, let alone next month. I think this whole ordeal has really brought me to the realization that we NEVER know what's coming around the corner, or where we'll be.

Avoiding the thought of entrance or a live-in is really hard. I've been trying, though.

As some of you may have seen in my statuses, I got a pretty drastic haircut today. Reason being: I am trying to move on. I'm trying to move past my difficulties and limits set by my illness, and hair is a big thing for me, so cutting it is really a step for me. My hair change is supposed to be taking me past the past, and on to my future, whether that is dark or bright. I don't know at this point. And THAT is what's killing me. I have no idea.

In the meantime, I have some very fantastic people praying for me, and some very wonderful friends and family to lean on. I've found that helping other people has really helped me, because it's taken my focus off of me. It's been great.

The emotional breakdowns are still about every other night or so, but you know what, that's okay. Because I need it. I can't stay like this forever, and I won't!

Love you all.
FCC