Advice Or Prayers, I Guess.

[Spem in alium]

[size=4]Earlier this week, my suitemates invited me to a football game and I said yes. This morning, one of my friends asked me if I can help her with an assignment (she's an international student and needs to write an essay on a person from another country), and I realised that I have loads of study to do for a test on Tuesday. Sunday I've got a billion things going on, so the only time I can really do it would be today...and miss the football game.[/size]

[size=4]They were all getting ready for the game (including cutting their tops to show their cleavage and bras, as you do ) and talking about all the drinking they're going to do (they're underage, so it's kind of amazing how they've managed to drink so regularly without being caught). I told them that I couldn't make it, thanked them for asking me and apologised for pulling out. The one who asked me originally was very considerate, but another said in a [b]very[/b] accusatory tone, "...So you'd rather help your friend than go to the game?" [/size]

[size=4]That kind of made me recoil. To be honest, I don't really understand these girls. They're kind of mind-boggling. [/size]

[size=4]Still trying to work out the best time to talk to my roommate. Maybe tonight.[/size]

Edited September 29, 2012 by Spem in alium

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348938645' post='2488048']
[size=4]The one who asked me originally was very considerate, but another said in a [b]very[/b] accusatory tone, "...So you'd rather help your friend than miss the game?" [/size]
[/quote]

should've said "yeah, good friends are like that."

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1348938848' post='2488049']
should've said "yeah, good friends are like that."
[/quote]

Dang, I should have!

I heard them talking about me afterwards. Apparently my choice not to go to the game confuses them. It just made me chuckle

I know being in a crowded stadium would not be productive or enjoyable for me, yet they kept saying "You have to go to ONE football game!" ...no, I don't!

I don't really care what they say about me. They can say whatever they want. The only opinion I really take to heart is God's.

[Nihil Obstat]

I cannot really make a good judgement call without being in your position, or at the very least knowing you well in real life, but based on your descriptions, and if it were me, I would probably take up the offer of changing to that other room that has been offered to you. I mean, you can try building relationships for years and years, but sometimes it just is not going to work, and it is better to cut your losses. It is never too late to start over again with a different group of people, some who are more respectful of your boundaries and treat you the way you deserve.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1348941957' post='2488070']
I cannot really make a good judgement call without being in your position, or at the very least knowing you well in real life, but based on your descriptions, and if it were me, I would probably take up the offer of changing to that other room that has been offered to you. I mean, you can try building relationships for years and years, but sometimes it just is not going to work, and it is better to cut your losses. It is never too late to start over again with a different group of people, some who are more respectful of your boundaries and treat you the way you deserve.
[/quote]

Thanks Nihil, I appreciate this.. I will be rooming alone there, so there won't really be an opportunity for me to have a new roommate. It doesn't worry me too much to be alone, because I'm fairly proactive in keeping myself amused. I don't like being in my room much as it is, and am quite introverted so actually feel more comfortable and energetic by myself. I'm throwing myself into a billion societies, clubs and activities, so I'm sure I'll be able to meet some nicer people somewhere down the line

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348942367' post='2488076']
Thanks Nihil, I appreciate this.. I will be rooming alone there, so there won't really be an opportunity for me to have a new roommate. It doesn't worry me too much to be alone, because I'm fairly proactive in keeping myself amused. I don't like being in my room much as it is, and am quite introverted so actually feel more comfortable and energetic by myself. I'm throwing myself into a billion societies, clubs and activities, so I'm sure I'll be able to meet some nicer people somewhere down the line
[/quote]


Here is what I'm thinking. You are introverted, and so am I so I understand where you are coming from. Keeping that in mind, you can treat your room as your personal space where you can recharge. But you do not have to stay there all the time. If you are still wanting to meet people, then study in common areas as much as you can handle, or wherever people in your dorms like to congregate.
The clubs and stuff is perfect too, if you find stuff you are interested in.

Anyway, at the end of the day, do not assume that your only chance at making friends is your current roommates. You have lots and lots of opportunities to do that, so the roommate situation might be one area where you could consider cutting your losses and having a room to yourself.

Anyway, just my two cents. Good luck!

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1348942574' post='2488080']


Here is what I'm thinking. You are introverted, and so am I so I understand where you are coming from. Keeping that in mind, you can treat your room as your personal space where you can recharge. But you do not have to stay there all the time. If you are still wanting to meet people, then study in common areas as much as you can handle, or wherever people in your dorms like to congregate.
The clubs and stuff is perfect too, if you find stuff you are interested in.

Anyway, at the end of the day, do not assume that your only chance at making friends is your current roommates. You have lots and lots of opportunities to do that, so the roommate situation might be one area where you could consider cutting your losses and having a room to yourself.

Anyway, just my two cents. Good luck!
[/quote]

Thanks, your two cents are very valuable indeed. At the moment, my room isn't really a place that I can recharge (and I dearly would love it to be). I actually love being home alone because I can do what I want (draw and listen to music, usually), but when other people are around I can't do that. I usually study here, so I think I should probably aim to work in the library a bit more. I've joined the choir here and really had no idea how much I would enjoy it. I look forward to choir every week.

I don't want to be unhappy here, because that would be unfortunate and give the whole experience a negative tone. When I first came, the living situation was making me unhappy most nights because I just couldn't cope (and had no idea how to cope). I'm finding it easier to deal with now, but on average there are still a couple of times each week where I get unhappy. Most nights I feel uncomfortable and on edge too, which is something I never really experience back home.

There's only so much immodesty of language, body and dress and only so much immorality that I can handle. These girls don't see anything wrong with stealing, lying, breaking the law and bragging about it. Plus, if I moved, I'd no longer be forced to look at advertisements of naked people while I use the bathroom. Huge plus for me.

[MissScripture]

Honestly, you stuck that out way longer than I would've. I see no problem if you move and pray for them from afar. When you have nowhere to retreat to, it can make all of life a lot more stressful than it needs to be. Plus, like you've said, your sleep schedule is not in sync with theirs at all, and that alone can create roommate issues, much less everything else going on. And I know for myself, if I have poor sleep, the rest of my life usually ends up being pretty rough, too.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1348947672' post='2488121']
Honestly, you stuck that out way longer than I would've. I see no problem if you move and pray for them from afar. When you have nowhere to retreat to, it can make all of life a lot more stressful than it needs to be. Plus, like you've said, your sleep schedule is not in sync with theirs at all, and that alone can create roommate issues, much less everything else going on. And I know for myself, if I have poor sleep, the rest of my life usually ends up being pretty rough, too.
[/quote]

Thank you I'm feeling more at peace with the idea of moving. Part of me is still saying "just stick it out", but I don't really see much joy in having three more months like this. I've been told countless times that this situation wasn't ideal for me in the first place, so that's giving me more of a foundation. It does make it hard to have a completely different sleep cycle. Waking up so early is fine when I'm home because there's more room for me to do stuff and not annoy people, but here I always worry about waking up the other girls. Plus I feel like a major imposition on my roommate. At the beginning my sleep was really suffering.

[4588686]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1346892877' post='2479165']
So for all of you who know the deal, things really aren't getting much better with the living situation. I feel like such an outsider around my suitemates - they're all friends and all do stuff together, and I am left here alone (which is fine, I don't mind being alone, but they pretty much act like I'm not around). I'm getting involved in more things to take me outside of my room, but I can't stay away all the time.

I've tried speaking to them, I've tried being friendly, but they don't really carry conversations with me. It pretty much stops with me asking how they're going (people do that all the time in Australia, but it doesn't seem to be a big thing here). They invite people (mostly guys) around without me knowing - I don't mind them having people here, but I wish they would tell me because it's disruptive. Sometimes they've woken me up with their noise. They're loud and I'm not, and their conversations and actions can be pretty inappropriate. A couple of times they've brought alcohol here and they go out pretty regularly, and they're all underage.

I have a mentor, and I spoke to her about what's going on. She and one of the staff from the international office are concerned. Apparently, my living situation is "not ideal", and they're encouraging me (or at least stressing the option) to move out and find a new place to live.

I really don't know what to do. I feel pretty depressed here, but part of me doesn't want to be cruel. They are nice girls and they can be friendly. I'm too shy to raise any issue, and I don't want to upset anyone. As much as I love being here, I didn't expect to feel so alone and so sad. I was so overwhelmed yesterday, I cried for the first time in ages.

I guess I just needed to vent. Pretty stressed and lost. Any advice or prayers would be really appreciated. Thanks, pham.
[/quote]



You need to get a sassy gay friend.

[beatitude]

I just noticed that you had to stop rowing. I love being on the water but I can't row because of problems with my own knees. Kayaking is seriously fun and it doesn't affect your knees in the same way. Is there a kayak club at your university?

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1348951909' post='2488162']
I just noticed that you had to stop rowing. I love being on the water but I can't row because of problems with my own knees. Kayaking is seriously fun and it doesn't affect your knees in the same way. Is there a kayak club at your university?
[/quote]

That's a great idea. I've not heard of one here, but I'll check it out.

[AnneLine]

Great idea abut the kayaking!

I held off posting 'cause I think you need to make up your own mind, but I know what my choice would be if it were me....

I'm an introvert, and I need a cave.

I LOVE to entertain, and I'd be happy to have people over... but at the end of the day, I wanna go back to my cave.

So.... I'dtake the new room, let the roommates know it is just too good an opportunity to pass up for my own space... and invite the old roommates over sometimes. But that is me!

You gotta make your own choice on this one!

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1349034333' post='2488496']
Great idea abut the kayaking!

I held off posting 'cause I think you need to make up your own mind, but I know what my choice would be if it were me....

I'm an introvert, and I need a cave.

I LOVE to entertain, and I'd be happy to have people over... but at the end of the day, I wanna go back to my cave.

So.... I'dtake the new room, let the roommates know it is just too good an opportunity to pass up for my own space... and invite the old roommates over sometimes. But that is me!

You gotta make your own choice on this one!
[/quote]

Thanks, AnneLine I really appreciate that.

Last night was hard. I decided to go to bed between 9:30 and 10 because I was exhausted, but didn't get to sleep until one-two hours later because of the noise. The girls invited some guys over, and they were drinking, laughing and playing music (despite the fact that they knew I was in bed and that another of the roommates was either not feeling well or in bed too). Spent much of the time lying in bed looking at my picture of Jesus and praying. [i]Finally[/i] they went out and I got sleep, but I really didn't feel well-rested today.

There are two difficulties: a niggling feeling in the back of my mind, making me feel bad because I'm causing people extra hassle in moving me; and the fact that the girl who's been the most difficult to interact with is in one of my classes, so might try and cause me more trouble. But as someone mentioned earlier, I'm paying for this and these people work for me. And I'm getting to the point of not really minding what she does anymore, because I've realised I can be strong enough to handle it.

Decided not to tell my roommate until I speak more with my RD. The way things are going, I will move.

Searched around for a kayaking club, and unfortunately there doesn't seem to be one. I discovered the Fitness Centre yesterday, which has bikes, treadmills, etc. I think a bike would be gentle enough if I go easy, so might give that a shot. beatitude, thank you for suggesting kayaking; I'll need to look into it when I get back home and see if there's an opportunity there.

ETA: I thinking praying the novena to the Little Flower is really helping. I can feel myself getting stronger, and I bet she's behind it

Edited October 1, 2012 by Spem in alium

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1348951909' post='2488162']
I just noticed that you had to stop rowing. I love being on the water but I can't row because of problems with my own knees. Kayaking is seriously fun and it doesn't affect your knees in the same way. Is there a kayak club at your university?
[/quote]

Weirdest coincidence - I got an email this morning about a kayaking trip going on over long weekend! Unfortunately I can't make it because it's a) $260 and b) over the whole weekend and I have commitments - but wow, it sounds like an amesome sport!