Advice Or Prayers, I Guess.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1346894487' post='2479189']
sorry to harp on this, but a lot of times people don't know how they're coming off. i know when i am upset/frustrated with someone, i shut down and can seem cold or off-putting because i am processing my feelings. it has nothing to do with the other person.

anyway, i'm just saying, maybe this person doesn't know she's coming off beeshy?
[/quote]

Maybe she doesn't. I'd be too nervous to say anything anyway.

[AnneLine]

Spem, if your roommate is treating you well, have you asked her what she thinks of the situation? I don't like the sound of it, but she is there and might know if there were previous problems with the others...?

I still think I might try seeing if there is a RA or someone else who could help you with this -- if nothing else, to give you some ideas about how to approach the others. Lil Red is right that it is always good to try to talk directly to people....

Roomate situations are really tough, Spem.... and there are probably some differences between how roommates handle things in Austrailia vs. here in the States. When you were in school in Austrailia, were you living in the dorms, or were you at home? Have you lived in a dorm situation before? It IS different, and maybe some of the others have ideas for you on what you might expect and what might work...?

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1346894583' post='2479191']
how long are you there, and how big is this college?
[/quote]

1 semester. About 2,000 students on this campus.

I know it's not a long time to be here, and part of me thinks I should just put up with it...but then I start feeling down all over again.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1346894634' post='2479192']
Maybe she doesn't. I'd be too nervous to say anything anyway.
[/quote]

but how does that solve anything? it makes you miserable, and she doesn't know (maybe) she's coming off as a cold beesh. i second asking your RA to help you talk to this person.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1346894680' post='2479194']
Spem, if your roommate is treating you well, have you asked her what she thinks of the situation? I don't like the sound of it, but she is there and might know if there were previous problems with the others...?

I still think I might try seeing if there is a RA or someone else who could help you with this -- if nothing else, to give you some ideas about how to approach the others. Lil Red is right that it is always good to try to talk directly to people....

Roomate situations are really tough, Spem.... and there are probably some differences between how roommates handle things in Austrailia vs. here in the States. When you were in school in Austrailia, were you living in the dorms, or were you at home? Have you lived in a dorm situation before? It IS different, and maybe some of the others have ideas for you on what you might expect and what might work...?
[/quote]

She's not here at the moment, but I could ask her sometime tonight or tomorrow morning.

I've never lived in a dorm before. I didn't expect to live with so many people (there are 5 others in my suite). So it's really overwhelming and really different for me.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1346894690' post='2479195']
1 semester. About 2,000 students on this campus.

I know it's not a long time to be here, and part of me thinks I should just put up with it...but then I start feeling down all over again.
[/quote]
I would definitely try to see if an RA could help facilitate. A semester is a long time when you're miserable, and it would put a damper on your enjoyment of your time here. I don't want you to remember Minnesota as a miserable place!

[AnneLine]

Exactly, Miss Scripture!!!!! Spem, we want you to have a good time here and learn a lot!!!
A semester is WAAAAY too long to feel like all the time....

We'll pray... and you talk to the RA....

and if anyone else has more good ideas, let's hear 'em!

[Spem in alium]

Thanks guys. Your help is cheering me up loads

[emmaberry]

Spem: I am just coming from a roommate/suitemate situation at a University about your size.

Try the direct approach with the roommate who you get along with. At my university, having guys spend the night, underage drinking, and things of that nature were more than enough to have a friendly RA do a roommate switch..of course, this was a Catholic University. I am sure your University, Catholic or state-school, would still be accommodating.

Many people around me switched roommates and were completely civil to each other. It sounds like the one girl won't ever be friendly-some girls are just like that. If you do switch to a new room/suite, make sure those girls know (or just think) that it's not because you hate them or think they are awful... Just that you wanted to go to a different room where you got along or were better friends with your roommates. Room changes don't go over so well, especially with girls, if one thinks the other has deemed her unworthy to be a roommate. Not saying you would give your roomies this impression, but this is kind of a delicate situation with the size of your university.

[Winchester]

Tell them you don't have any iocane powder.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1346898843' post='2479231']
Spem: I am just coming from a roommate/suitemate situation at a University about your size.

Try the direct approach with the roommate who you get along with. At my university, having guys spend the night, underage drinking, and things of that nature were more than enough to have a friendly RA do a roommate switch..of course, this was a Catholic University. I am sure your University, Catholic or state-school, would still be accommodating.

Many people around me switched roommates and were completely civil to each other. It sounds like the one girl won't ever be friendly-some girls are just like that. If you do switch to a new room/suite, make sure those girls know (or just think) that it's not because you hate them or think they are awful... Just that you wanted to go to a different room where you got along or were better friends with your roommates. Room changes don't go over so well, especially with girls, if one thinks the other has deemed her unworthy to be a roommate. Not saying you would give your roomies this impression, but this is kind of a delicate situation with the size of your university.

[/quote]

Thanks Emma. My university is Catholic and as far as I know it does have a ban on alcohol, guys staying the night, etc. I am hoping to talk to them and reassure them that it's not because I hate them. I think I mentioned above somewhere that one of them is in a class of mine, and she's the one who's been cold to me. I don't want to make her feel bad about things and then make classes difficult for me too. Last night I emailed the woman from the ISPO who I talked with today, and told her that I'd like to speak further about any options I have.

The way I see it, I can either:

move;
throw myself into as many social or academic things as I can so that I don't need to be home so much;
deal with it as is.

Each of those things has positive and negative consequences for me. I just need to work out which would be the best route to take.

[quote name='Winchester' timestamp='1346901913' post='2479255']
Tell them you don't have any iocane powder.
[/quote]

Inconceivable.

[Spem in alium]

This morning I got an email from the head of the ISPO. She's spoken to the Director of Residential Life (news travels fast) who has recommended that I meet with my RD as soon as possible. So tomorrow I'm having two meetings about this.

One thing I don't understand is that I filled out a housing assignment form telling them that I was introverted and wanted to have roommates who were quiet and interested in being friends, and they placed me with people who are essentially the opposite. I've just filled out another form requesting a change, so maybe things will be remedied.

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1346964332' post='2479488']
One thing I don't understand is that I filled out a housing assignment form telling them that I was introverted and wanted to have roommates who were quiet and interested in being friends, and they placed me with people who are essentially the opposite. I've just filled out another form requesting a change, so maybe things will be remedied.
[/quote]

I've heard that sometimes they do that purposely, to try and help you "break out of your shell." It could also have just been a real, or perceived lack of better matches for you.

In any case, I hope they work this out to your liking so that you can have an enjoyable and productive semester.

[AnneLine]

Will pray, Spem.

Those forms.... sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes.... not so much.

Back in the 1970's (yes, I am dating myself!) a friend who was much younger than I put in a request for a 'religious' roommate who didn't smoke, drink, or want to have guys over.... and this at a Catholic college. She got EXACTLY what she requested. When I went to visit her in her room, I was very astonished to see.... over her bed, a GIANT (larger than life sized) picture of the immaculate Heart of Mary smiling across the room at her reoommate's bed. Over her roommate's bed was an equally large picture... of the Ayatollah Khomeni (the religious leader of Iran at that time). After the first shock, they actually got along very well because they really did have similar values....

I will storm heaven that you get someone who will help you get the fantastic US College experience you should able able to have!!!!

I agree, Trisha, but breaking out a shell is one thing.. having someone breaking INTO your shell is a different thing!

Edited September 6, 2012 by AnneLine

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1346966033' post='2479494']

I agree, Trisha, but breaking out a shell is one thing.. having someone breaking INTO your shell is a different thing!
[/quote]

Yes, I know. I'm an introvert and the more someone tries to break into my shell, the more I'm going to block them out, often to the point of choosing not to see or speak to them. lol So, I don't think it's their place at all to make those sorts of decisions, because they don't know how it will affect each individual. It's a cruel experiment, in my opinion, but I believe it does happen.