Q For Those Who Date/dated

[Tantum Ergo]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1346876492' post='2478910']
How do I keep my parents from making a big deal about a first date when I still have not figured out if there will be a second date? Just short and sweet answers? (When they knew about a first date I had earlier, so did someone else from them... )

And if not talking about my dating life with my parents sets me up for failure, why not have others who are older and more experience whom I can talk with or still more experienced and wise friends whose brain I can pick about things?
[/quote]

The amount of detail you want to give your parents completely depends upon the personality of your parents and the quality of your relationship with them. No one person can tell you the "right" way to do things here because everyone's parents are different. I have some friends for whom sharing almost anything about their dating relationships with their parents would cause huge problems for them and their relationship. Some parents are just very controlling and negative and it's best to keep your personal life away from them.

I have a good relationship with my parents, and they had a hands-off approach. They let me know I could go to them if I needed advice, but they didn't freely give me advice un-asked for. They didn't feel they needed a blow-by-blow account of my dating life, either. I didn't give them detailed accounts of our dates or the progress of my relationship. I just gave them general updates about how it was going.

If you don't want your parents to make a big deal of it, just give them "short and sweet" answers like you said. I don't think not talking about your dating life with your parents necessarily sets you up for failure. The dynamics of every family is different. And I think over-sharing, even with good intentions, can definitely have bad consequences later on. Many marriages have suffered because one party always ran to their mother with complaints about their spouse, under the guise of soliciting advice. Sometimes one should resist the urge to run and ask others what to do, and instead learn how to solve problems [i]with[/i] the person one is dating. If you don't learn to solve problems with this person, on your own, your relationship is going to be a very rocky one. With this in mind, I think it's up to you to figure out your healthy balance of communicating with your parents.

And if you're not comfortable talking with your parents, I don't see a problem with talking with an older, wise person you trust.

[HisChildForever]

My boyfriend is my best friend and I'm happy to share things with my parents about what we do - the movies we see together and really like, the family and friend parties we go to, even funny jokes I've heard or just random stories. I incorporate these things into normal conversation. They always know what we're up to. I have a good relationship with my parents but it's also the polite thing to do lol. I'm not going to just walk out the door without telling them where I'm going. It's always automatic, too. He's coming over, we're going to the mall, be back in a couple hours and then we'll veg out in front of the tv. Of course it helps that my parents really like him O:)

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1346876492' post='2478910']
How do I keep my parents from making a big deal about a first date when I still have not figured out if there will be a second date? Just short and sweet answers? (When they knew about a first date I had earlier, so did someone else from them... )
[/quote]

Share your excitement with them, but let your mood set the tone. If you don't seem that enthused, trying to play it cool, they might gush all the more and ask why you're not that thrilled. You don't need to share every single detail of a first date. The restaurant had good food, you guys really connected, you learned a lot of great things about him, etc.

[GeorgiiMichael]

[quote name='Groo the Wanderer' timestamp='1346755753' post='2478225']
Not at all. this is part of the problem with 'dating'. Secrecy, opportunity for sin, setting oneself up for a series of failed relationships. If you are truly chase in your relationships and truly want what is best for yourself and the other, then there is no reason not to be open and forthcoming with your parents, your friends, and others. We try to hide what we are ashamed of.
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Until you can offer a legitimate option other than dating for the modern world and some hard and fast reasons why dating is intrinsically not good, you really should just bugger off with the whole "dating is bad" schtick. Those things you list aren't problems with dating at all, they're problems with the [i]people[/i] who are dating.

As for my advice to the OP, depending on you and your parents, you don't have to tell them about every date you're going on. It would be good to let them know you're leaving the house, and who you're leaving with, but you don't need to let them know it's a date necessarily. I know for me, I wouldn't tell my parents I was going out on a first date until after it went well and I felt like things might be going somewhere. My mom likes to be really involved in my life, and it would just be awkward to tell her PRIOR to the date that I was going on a date because of how involved she would want to be.

[morostheos]

[sub]My parents have always known when I was "in a relationship" with someone, but I definitely don't tell them about all of my first dates, or second dates, or sort-of dates. At 30, my parents are about as eager as I am to see me married, and would latch on to any mention of a date. One time I went on a first date with someone I met online so I told my parents about it for safety, and a week later a local family friend said to me, "So I heard you went on a date with someone you met online? How's that going?" [/sub]

For me it's easier just to tell my parents when my dating gets to the "public" stage of the relationship, but not mention it in the beginning stages when things are still working themselves out.

[morakind]

I always tell my Mom about my dates and relationships.. I would often invite my dates over for dinner with my family because it is really important to me if my Mom and Dad approve of who I'm dating.