Tribute To My Great-grandmother

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

In three days it will be the three month anniversary of my great-grandmother's death. I wanted to post this tribute to her now, because on Monday I will be keeping my mind occupied with other things. It was painful, but full of healing to write this.

My Great-Grandmother meant a whole lot to me. That's why it still hurts three months later. Every birthday, as long as I can remember, I would get a sweet card and a phone call from her, and it always meant so much. Later on, as her health declined, I noticed when one of my aunts would write the card for her. I think I still have the last one[i] she[/i] actually wrote to me. My birthday, this past August 12[sup]th[/sup], I couldn't help but notice the missing phone call and card. When I was little, I never missed an episode of American Idol, and neither did Great-Grandma. She would sometimes call me to ask me which person I voted for and which contestant I thought would win. I remember the year that Carrie Underwood won, we both rooted for Kellie Pickler, and then later on for Carrie Underwood.

I will never forget the day I told her I was planning on entering the convent after highschool. We were over for a visit at her house, and she asked me what I wanted to do after I graduated. I said, “Well, actually, I've wanted to become a nun since I was about 7, so that's kind of my plan right now.” And she goes, “Do you get to change your name?” I said yes, and she says, “I remember when I went to Catholic school, one of the nuns was really pretty and had a really pretty name, it was Sister Margaret Grace...” I told her I thought it was beautiful. She told me, “Well, if that's what you want to do, you should do it!” I was so thrilled by this conversation, because a lot of my extended family wasn't quite that pleased...

To this day, I feel as though my religious name has been chosen for me. Sister Margaret Grace of the Sacred Heart.

One of my favorite stories that I always remind myself of when I'm scared or worried. Before my great-grandma's death, she was a bit out of it, but here is the story. The last time I ever saw my great-grandma, when I was leaving her bedside for the last time, she grabbed my hand, we looked in the eye, and she said, “I won't ever let anything bad happen to you, I promise.” I said, “I'll see you soon, Grandma.” And that was the end. Apparently, after we left that day, she went to sleep and never woke up. I was the last person she spoke to as we left the building. Those words very well could have been her last, but I will never know in this life. The words I said could have very well been the last she ever heard.

I was privileged to get to select the readings and read one of them for her funeral. I didn't cry. People asked me how I did it, I said I didn't. Some of you know how much pain I was in after her death, I was in despair. So much anxiety that came back. It took me weeks of crying my eyes out every day for me to get over her death. Maybe I was too dramatic, I mean, it's not like it wasn't expected. But either way, she is the first person I have ever lost who was close to me. I have learned so much from this experience, sometimes I think perhaps too much. No matter what, I know I'll see her again. And I will be praying for her until my dying day.

Since my great-grandma's death, I have undergone a major heartbreak and have also developed an illness that puts me in daily debilitating pain. In my darkest moments, I never forget those final words, “I won't ever let anything bad happen to you, I promise.” I clench my hands, take a deep breath, say a prayer for her soul, and remember that nothing bad will happen to me. God has me. Great-Grandma is watching me.

Edited September 1, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire

[carmenchristi]

Thanks for sharing about your beautiful relationship with your Great Grandma. Prayers for you that the Lord may continue to hold you close and comfort you, and prayers for the repose of her soul.

[PhuturePriest]

This was a very wonderful post. I know this was very hard for you and I am glad that you are coping with it well (Which believe it or not, you are). I am sure your grandmother appreciates this very much.

[Ed Normile]

That was touching and painful for me too. I lost my mother and most of her family in a 6 month period about 18 years ago, her sole surviving brother died last week, my uncles buster. I too felt sever anguish and loss over the loss of my mother, I did not even get the chance to say goodbye, she was sick and dead within a week at least she did not suffer long. The only thing that brought me through it was Jesus promise in the beatitudes " Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted"

God rest your great grandmother, Eternal rest grant unto her O lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul and the soul of all the faithfully departed rest in peace. Amen

May heaven be her bed.

ed