Godparents? Part 2

[carmenchristi]

So you may remember that I had posted earlier because my sister-in-law wanted to ask my other sister-in-law (who happens to be quite well off), who is not a Catholic, to be my nephew's godmother. Well, someone finally got it through her head that you have to be Catholic to be a godparent... so I have found out (through the grapevine) that she is going to ask ME now. Now, I don't want to judge, but it's pretty obvious that the baptism is just a big show and an occasion to get presents. She will probably be divorcing my brother sooner or later (probably sooner), and I know for a fact that they never go to church except when my parents are visiting. So I'll let you guess how much prayer and talk/education about God go on.

I want to tell her that I don't want to get involved. I don't want a responsibility of being a godparent, when I know that there is nothing I can do to make sure that the child is brought up as a faithful Catholic. I'm slightly offended (though I will get over it) that she is only asking me by default because the only people that she knows who are also eligible are my parents and my sister (who all rank higher than I on my sister-in-law's black list). I'm frustrated about all that she has put my brother through... etc. etc.....

I would be willing to overlook all of this croutons because none of it is the child's fault! But my reason for refusing would be the obvious inability to do anything that the role would require of me except pray for my nephew. Still this isn't his fault either. He should receive the grace of baptism, and needs a godparent. The question is: is it right to accept the role?

I really don't want to... but want to choose what is right for all involved.

Any ideas???

[Slappo]

You might want to express this concern to a priest or the priest who will be baptizing the child. For a child to get baptized the parents have to promise to raise the child in the Catholic faith.

Another thing to think about is if you are not the godparent, who will be? Although all you can do is pray and hope to foster a relationship to lead the child closer to Christ, it may be much more than someone else who would play absolutely no roll in the child's life or even pray for the child.

[Ed Normile]

Ideas ? Why would you even ask, be the godparent and make certain the child is baptized. Then be proactive about it, kiss your sister in laws royal heiny to be in the childs life considerate it a sacrifice and offer it to God, buy the child a rosary, teach it some prayers. Take the child to mass, setup a catechism for the child, this can be done for free in most parishes. See the child through the sacraments, be a saint. If you do nothing else in life this would be the greatest gift you give to all involved, the child, God, your sister in law and especially yourself. Please do not allow this opportunity to positively affect this childs life pass by, you will live to regret it.

ed

Edited August 30, 2012 by Ed Normile

[Tantum Ergo]

Personally, I would not become godparent to a child if I was not confident the child would be raised Catholic by his parents. I know some people say to be the godparent anyway and take it upon yourself to raise the child Catholic, but many times that is impossible, especially in situations where divorce may be involved. The child may come to live with the parent who isn't Catholic, the child and his parent may move away, etc. The most important question is: If they aren't serious about raising the child Catholic, then why do they want him to be baptized? Baptism should never be done to get attention or gifts, or to please the grandparents, or to "fit in better" with the family. The only reason to baptise a child is because the parents believe the Catholic faith to be true and they want to raise their child in the Truth of the Faith.

If done for the wrong reasons, baptism is actually a disservice to the child. By baptizing him, you make him beholden to the laws of the Church. You make him obligated to go to Mass every Sunday when he reaches the age of reason, to be married in the Church, to abstain during Lent, etc., under pain of mortal sin. And if his parents don't raise him Catholic, it will extremely difficult for him to learn to fulfill those obligations. This is why the Church teaches that we should never baptise a child of non-Catholic parents against the parents' will or without their knowledge (like when a well-meaning grandmother baptizes her non-Catholic grandchildren in the bathtub) UNLESS the child is in close danger of death.

If the parents approach you, you should be clear about your concerns and ask why they want their child baptized. Explain to them the serious commitment of baptism and Church teachings surrounding baptism. You might also approach a priest with your concerns and get advice there.

[carmenchristi]

Thanks for the feedback so far. Some really different points of view, but you have all had something interesting to say. I too am slightly more of the opinion of not simply going along with the child being baptized for non-faith-related reasons. I will also have little to no opportunity to be involved in this child's life both for reasons of location as well as for the fact that my sister-in-law will probably stop talking to me again as soon as the baptism is over.

The "good" news is... it sounds like this won't be an issue anyway because she is refusing to call me and ask me herself... if she does call me, I do think I have to take the issue up with a priest... both refusing and agreeing are serious decisions.

[cmaD2006]

Carmenchristi here are my two cents for what it is worth.

I am a happy Godparent of three children. The parents are not married in the Church. The mom does go to Church every week. The dad not so much.

I have one Godchild who is quite involved with Church. One who doesn't really want to go. And a third who I don't know yet (she's young).

But hey -- I am there. They know how much Christ means to me, and that I have given a lot up to follow Him. I even said during the "brindis" at my Godchild's quinceanos ... that if she puts Christ first, from my personal experience she will not go wrong.

So my opinion ... don't over think it ... I think you'd be a wonderful Godparent, and is probably what the children need. It is quite an honor. At least in the Spanish community I am called "comadre" which means co-mother.

Finally ... just to give you an idea of the importance of a Godparent: one of my Godchildren hadn't been to confession in about 9 months (or so). Everyone in the family had bugged the Godchild about it. The Godchild didn't pay any attention, and the family comes to visit me. I say "ok -- so how about going to confession with the priest at my parish, besides he doesn't know you anyway." We both stood in line, and the Godchild went. No coersion, no convincing, and I also asked the child "are you ok with it?" to which I got a response "yeah I'm good."

Ah, the simple influence that a Godparent has. Priceless. So go do it.

[Ed Normile]

cmariadiaz, that is great advice and a wonderful story too. I will pray for your god-children. Another worry is if carmenchristi does not become the god-parent maybe this child would not be baptized at all, living its life with the stain of original sin and the chance of no salvation.

ed

[carmenchristi]

Thanks Cma for sharing... it is now a week until the baptism and no one has contacted me. I spoke with my brother yesterday.... my sister-in-law has serious issues. Sounds like the baptism will definitely be taking place, but I don't even know if I'm invited or allowed to go. Pretty certain she has changed her mind about asking me to be the godparent. So yeah, things are serious. Please pray.

[carmenchristi]

double post

Edited September 2, 2012 by carmenchristi

[cmaD2006]

Praying ... and hang in there.

[Ed Normile]

Will certainly pray for this child. Your brother and sister-in-law too.

ed

[TheresaThoma]

Prayers!

[elizabeth09]

Just remember, if you going to be a godparent for your nephew, then you are promising the parents that you will step in when needed (i.e. taking them to mass when they cannot). In this case, you could ask the parents if it’s ok that you take him to mass with you every time that you go.

[carmenchristi]

So I guess I'm the godparent whether I want to be or not. I didn't even attend the baptism, but they put my name down as the official godmother while my other (non-Catholic) brother was the stand-in. I'm a bit confused about how this priest is operating to permit this. I will certainly pray for the child, but I can't fulfill the rest of the duties. I can't believe that the priest could dump this on someone without even checking to see if that person was willing!

[Tantum Ergo]

???? Holy cow, you mean you weren't even informed beforehand? Perhaps the priest wasn't aware that you weren't informed. You should definitely have a talk with that priest, if only to bring it to his awareness and prevent something like this from happening again.