EmilyAnn Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 [quote name='DiscerningCatholic' timestamp='1346189588' post='2475433'] The way I see it is this. A vocation is a GIFT. It’s not just a gift; it’s a gift from GOD. And by turning down your vocation or turning down someone else’s vocation, you are rejecting that gift or refusing to allow a person to receive that gift. So let's say a famous person calls you (could be a celebrity, an athlete, the president, a saint, whoever) and says, “Hey! I chose YOU, out of everyone else, to come and be my right-hand man!†It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and that person chose you and ONLY you to do that job. Change it to God. Aka, Creator of the universe. Aka, the Guy who could breathe and leave a galaxy behind Him. Aka, the Big Man who has planned out your life from the beginning of time. It's not like he looked at me and said, “Uh…well, I think I’ll put you in this group of people who will discern…and then I will put some of these friends of yours here with the group who will be married…†He chose you, specifically, to be His bride. He didn’t choose you with several others to be His bride. When you are a religious, He thinks of you, as He does of all of His brides, as His one and ONLY bride. He doesn’t think of you as one of many; He thinks of each of His brides (through religious life) as His one and only. My parents can't seem to get that. Then again, I could be wrong in thinking of a vocation like this. I don't know. [/quote] All I can say is they'll get there. When I was visiting my sisters I asked them about how their parents had been and many of them did tell me their parents had been resistant at first. One that stuck with me was what one of the juniors said to me - her parents had been very upset when she first told them about her entrance, but just a few weeks previously they had been there for her First Vows and she said they couldn't have been happier. Something I had to realise is that our parents need time to mourn - they are losing a lot of hopes and dreams they had for us. They need time. Mother Mistress couldn't stop telling me how many parents she'd seen change their view totally once they saw how happy their daughters were. It may take a while, but trust in Him and your parents will come around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUbiquitous Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) So discern privately, and pray, and grow in holiness. Read [i]Humility of Heart[/i]. Have some patience. Also, and I don't know how to put this more delicately: Stop thinking about yourself. Your vocation is not going to be about you. How many hundreds of saints suffered false accusations under lawful authority? (Bernadette, Padre Pio, John of the Cross ...) If your parents are wrong, they're wrong --- and in three years or so they'll know it. For right now, practice obedience and stop fuming. (We all need it, but religious especially.) [center][img]http://wdtprs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/12_04_22_Nuns_04.jpg[/img][/center] [center][img]http://www.laetificatmadison.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/ssrsimoneatpodium2.jpg[/img][/center] Obedience is hard. Doesn't hurt to start learning it early. It's hard to read tone online, so I hope I didn't read too much into your emoticons, or anything falsely. I cheerfully retract my rebuke if in fact you aren't wallowing in self-pity and self-righteous anger --- [i]mea culpa[/i]. But even if you aren't, it doesn't hurt to read [i]Humility of Heart[/i]. That has to be one of the most fruitful devotionals I've read. It's also the only one I've read all the way through, and boy is it a [b]punch[/b] to the[b] gut[/b]. Edited August 29, 2012 by TheUbiquitous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantellata Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I'm confused by the pictures you posted in the context of your post....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaberry Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) [quote name='TheUbiquitous' timestamp='1346197712' post='2475471'] Also, and I don't know how to put this more delicately: Stop thinking about yourself. [/quote] Maybe [i]I[/i] read [i]you[/i] wrong which is so easy to do on online forums, but it seems like you are being somewhat harsh to a girl who feels alone and wants advice on her discernment. VS is supposed to be a safe place for people to ask these kind of questions. If I were 15, posted this question, and got this kind of answer, it would make me think twice about posting on VS again. I repeat, VS is a safe and loving place for discerners to get needed support and answers. Even if the OP was wallowing in self-pity and 'fuming' in anger as you put it, there are ways to address this in a loving and supportive manner. Edited August 29, 2012 by emmaberry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUbiquitous Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 [quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1346200536' post='2475484'] I'm confused by the pictures you posted in the context of your post....... [/quote] This is what happens without obedience. Even if you don't show it on the outside, God knows it on the inside. [quote name='emmaberry' timestamp='1346200635' post='2475485'] Maybe [i]I[/i] read [i]you[/i] wrong which is so easy to do on online forums, but it seems like you are being somewhat harsh to a girl who feels alone and wants advice on her discernment. VS is supposed to be a safe place for people to ask these kind of questions. If I were 15, posted this question, and got this kind of answer, it would make me think twice about posting on VS again. I repeat, VS is a safe and loving place for discerners to get needed support and answers. Even if the OP was wallowing in self-pity and 'fuming' in anger as you put it, there are ways to address this in a loving and supportive manner. [/quote] Well, there was this: [quote] Your vocation is not going to be about you. How many hundreds of saints suffered false accusations under lawful authority? (Bernadette, Padre Pio, John of the Cross ...) If your parents are wrong, they're wrong --- and in three years or so they'll know it. For right now, practice obedience and stop fuming. (We all need it, but religious especially.) [/quote] Clearly, the thrust of the post was that false accusations should be taken with patience and humility. Every lash given by someone else is another opportunity to respond with patience and humility, for not even the basest slander is without some tiny amount of truth. (Axiom: There's at least a little truth everywhere.) And, if the offending comments are something other than the basest slander, they are all a helpful corrective. If there is a more delicate way to put what I've said, providing it lacks no necessary firmness, I will immediately and cheerfully recant. Perhaps it's worth pointing out, but the image which the OP admired so greatly ... [center][img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__gB2ZU3by0M/S9j2mxG3pJI/AAAAAAAAGtI/G8gEW1DMU_c/s1600/I+am+in+seminary+because+my+parish+priest+told+me+I+have+a+vocation..png[/img][/center] ... is from the Baltimore Catechism's section on the Fourth Commandment, Lesson 19. That is to say, the section on obedience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaberry Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) [quote name='TheUbiquitous' timestamp='1346205930' post='2475519'] This is what happens without obedience. Even if you don't show it on the outside, God knows it on the inside. Well, there was this: Clearly, the thrust of the post was that false accusations should be taken with patience and humility. Every lash given by someone else is another opportunity to respond with patience and humility, for not even the basest slander is without some tiny amount of truth. (Axiom: There's at least a little truth everywhere.) And, if the offending comments are something other than the basest slander, they are all a helpful corrective. If there is a more delicate way to put what I've said, providing it lacks no necessary firmness, I will immediately and cheerfully recant. Perhaps it's worth pointing out, but the image which the OP admired so greatly ... [center][img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__gB2ZU3by0M/S9j2mxG3pJI/AAAAAAAAGtI/G8gEW1DMU_c/s1600/I+am+in+seminary+because+my+parish+priest+told+me+I+have+a+vocation..png[/img][/center] ... is from the Baltimore Catechism's section on the Fourth Commandment, Lesson 19. That is to say, the section on obedience. [/quote] ..then I am very sorry I misunderstood you. Edited August 29, 2012 by emmaberry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscerningCatholic Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) [quote name='TheUbiquitous' timestamp='1346197712' post='2475471'] So discern privately, and pray, and grow in holiness. Read [i]Humility of Heart[/i]. Have some patience. Also, and I don't know how to put this more delicately: Stop thinking about yourself. Your vocation is not going to be about you. How many hundreds of saints suffered false accusations under lawful authority? (Bernadette, Padre Pio, John of the Cross ...) If your parents are wrong, they're wrong --- and in three years or so they'll know it. For right now, practice obedience and stop fuming. (We all need it, but religious especially.) [center][img]http://wdtprs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/12_04_22_Nuns_04.jpg[/img][/center] [center][img]http://www.laetificatmadison.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/ssrsimoneatpodium2.jpg[/img][/center] Obedience is hard. Doesn't hurt to start learning it early. It's hard to read tone online, so I hope I didn't read too much into your emoticons, or anything falsely. I cheerfully retract my rebuke if in fact you aren't wallowing in self-pity and self-righteous anger --- [i]mea culpa[/i]. But even if you aren't, it doesn't hurt to read [i]Humility of Heart[/i]. That has to be one of the most fruitful devotionals I've read. It's also the only one I've read all the way through, and boy is it a [b]punch[/b] to the[b] gut[/b]. [/quote] I'm sorry that my post wasn't exactly to your liking, but my intentions were not to "wallow in self-pity" or "fume." If all you could say to me was to tell me was how disobedient I'm being, that I'm just pitying myself and THINKING about myself, then you, my friend, are dead stinkin' wrong. It has NOTHING to do with not wanting to obey my parents (and maybe I was unclear in stating what the problem was; that would be my mistake), wanting pity, or not needing humility (I pray for that every single night). But in the end, if they still resist and I know for a FACT that God wants me in religious life, it will boil down to disobeying my parents or disobeying God. It's not like I don't want to do what my parents are telling me to do; if it were possible, I would do both what they want me to do and what God wants me to do. (Though in an ideal world, what they would want me to do would be whatever God wanted me to do.) I'm well aware that "false accusations should be taken with humility." That does [i]not [/i]excuse others to make claims to know about what my interior life is like and then proceed to expect me to just sit back, nod my head in agreement, and continue on with life as though nothing happened. As you said, the tone of a post is easily misinterpreted over the internet, and the tone of your response to my post was very self-righteous, very condemning, and extremely critical. The way you said, "Excuse me if you aren't indeed wallowing in self pity and self-righteous anger," insinuated that you knew, for a fact, that I was. Yes, I'm a bit frustrated and feeling alone, but that was NOT the point of the post. The only point in my posting that was to see if anyone else was dealing with/has dealt with this in the past and to ask for advice. [b]Not for chastisement over the internet from someone I don't know who happens to know[/b]...oh, wait... [b]NOTHING about myself or my spiritual life[/b]. You don't know me or anything about my discernment story/process, which I will [b][i]never [/i][/b]post on here publicly because of responses such as these. I apologize if I used emoticons incorrectly; that shouldn't even be a problem though (my computer has issues with GIFS and animated pictures so sometimes the emoticons - such as the grumpy one - don't move at all). I appreciate it if you were trying to help, but you went about it the wrong way. Edited August 29, 2012 by DiscerningCatholic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) Hi DC....... Like lots of others, I too had parents who were dead against my vocation and that was because they misunderstood both me and it. My dad was living separately from my mum and I hardly ever saw him, so he just didn't care. My mum was horrified. I was a fun loving 14 year old when I announced casually that I was headed for the cloister, she laughed fit to bust at such a silly silly notion and clearly gave me to understand that I was being a very silly little girl. I have no idea, looking back, how I knew I was headed for the cloister. It was a long time ago and we didn't 'discern' in those days. It was however an unshakable knowledge in me. I quietly went about the business of my life. I got my qualification as an RN mainly to shut my mum up and so that I could calmly say 'well if it doesn't work out I have a job to come back to'. I was also told that the community I wanted to join would not accept me at 17, or even at eighteen, and they preferred either a university graduate or someone who had already learned something of life out in the big wide world. The community was also in France and I was in the UK, so it was really hard for mum, because of the distance involved. She shed lots of tears over this. I think because I was implacable, because i didn't get my undies in a bunch - at least not in front of her, but kept deadly calm and unswerving, by the time I was 17 and in my pre-nursing course, she was ready to believe I was going to do as I said I thought God wanted. Did she understand - not ever........ Did she accept - only because she had no other option. This caused us both heartache, and she did not come and take her leave of me when I left England to enter. However, she did visit when I was Clothed, and Mother Mistress was able to help her understand that I was happy and content, and this was as far as she was able to go in her acceptance. It's hard...............accepting that this is the way it is now for you is hard too. I think quite a few of us can identify with the frustration. I can only offer my prayers for your situation. They may never understand, on the other hand, He IS the miracle worker.................... Edited August 29, 2012 by maximillion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUbiquitous Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 [quote name='DiscerningCatholic' timestamp='1346245406' post='2475730'] I appreciate it if you were trying to help, but you went about it the wrong way. [/quote] I am happy to apologize and beg your forgiveness. This whole post was predicated on the fact that every occasion of anger is a missed occasion of humility. It is good that you were not at all angry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiscerningCatholic Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 [quote name='TheUbiquitous' timestamp='1346255810' post='2475832'] I am happy to apologize and beg your forgiveness. This whole post was predicated on the fact that every occasion of anger is a missed occasion of humility. It is good that you were not at all angry. [/quote] Forgiveness given; no big deal. Again, I woludn't say that I was inherently *angry*; it was mostly just frustration that my parents refuse to take me seriously. On a happier(?) note, I have seen that picture of "nuns for choice" before...LOLWUT? SMH the world's gone mad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantellata Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 [quote name='TheUbiquitous' timestamp='1346255810' post='2475832'] I am happy to apologize and beg your forgiveness. This whole post was predicated on the fact that every occasion of anger is a missed occasion of humility. It is good that you were not at all angry. [/quote] In the happy sense of being someone who loves to define things.............. I contend that not [u]every[/u] occasion for anger is a missed opportunity for humility. First because anger in itself is not a moral absolute - merely an emotion. Second, anger is fitting in many circumstances as it is only the irascible appetite attempting to overcome an obstacle. It depends what one does [u]with[/u]​ the emotion/energy of anger that makes the difference, as well as the intent, in order for it to acquire a moral value - and as such - an opportunity for humility. Third, there are many instances where anger is the appropriate emotion to display - think about our Lord's righteous anger... and He wasn't lacking in humility. I am a big fan of objective reality..... but at the same time, if the information is not presented in such a manner that the receiver can eat the food - it does little good regardless of it's goodness. Also, I would argue that, especially over the internet, one must be very careful not to jump to conclusions. I would caution against attempting to take the role of a spiritual director than a supportive friend given the context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUbiquitous Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Then revise, according to the context. Every occasion of taking insult is a missed opportunity for humility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeteorShower Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) I just thought I would add my two cents, since we are close in age. Although our situations and circumstances differ, we do seem to be in the same boat in some regards. Although my Mother has been fairly supportive of me discerning religious life, she does seem to think - understandably in my particular case - that I am too young, and wants me to get a degree. I don't particularly mind this; I have more trouble trying to get her to understand that I am discerning because I think it is God's will for me and not because it's a "fad" or something that I am "just interested in." I didn't explain that very well - I didn't intend to paint my mother in a negative light if anyone got that impression - but I think you get the gist of what I am saying. Anyway, you are NEVER alone in this, even though I understand that it is sometimes easy to feel that way. Phatmass has been a source of incredible support for me. Praying for you! God bless! Edited August 30, 2012 by MeteorShower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantellata Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 [quote name='TheUbiquitous' timestamp='1346291244' post='2476108'] Then revise, according to the context. Every occasion of taking insult is a missed opportunity for humility. [/quote] Well done. *hat tip* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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