Vocation Frustration?

[DiscerningCatholic]

So, maybe you fellow discerners get this...or maybe not. I don't know. [list=1]
[*]My parents seem against my desire to enter religious life.
[*]My parents seem against my discerning religious life.
[*]My parents think that I'm too young to discern religious life (even though I'll be 16 on Sunday).
[*]My parents seem to think that discernment retreats are a waste of time and money.
[*]My relatives just think I'm crazy.
[/list]
My friends are supportive, but none of them say that they feel called to religious life. They all say this: "Well, I'm, like, open to religious life if that's where God, like, wants me, but I really don't think that He's, like, calling me there." (I.E., all of them want to be wives and mothers.) That's the American dream, right? A college degree, a job, a house, a car, a husband, and kids? All of my discerning friends live in different states... downside of making friends at a nationwide youth conference. So I'm feeling really alone with this whole discernment business. (Yeah, kind of like that guy.) Have any of you dealt with this? Any advice?

[TheUbiquitous]

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[PhuturePriest]

I have dealt with never having been on a discernment retreat or having any discernment friends in my area. Except for God and the Saints I feel alone in my discernment, as if it is a journey I am doing alone without any friends to tag along. But if I need a friend that is also discerning, I will have one. I have not had one yet, so I take this as a sign as I do not have to have one. Remember that it seems at times God gives us very little or even nothing at all, but no matter what he always gives us enough. Yes, sometimes I wish I had someone in real life to talk to about my discernment other than my spiritual director. But if I needed one I would have one, and I do not as of yet, and I have done fine in my discernment. The people I have online have been sufficient, and my spiritual director has been so much more than enough. We will be given what we need, not what we want. If you truly need a friend discerning in real life you will find one. Have you been to youth groups or diocesan retreats? My diocese does vocation stuff all the time, and I am going to go on a young men's trip to the seminary in a few months where I will most definitely meet new people and possibly make new friends. If you feel as if this is something God wants you to have I would recommend going on a women's retreat or something of that manner.

I wish I could give advice for the other things, but there are others who will have much better advice on it. I hope that I helped in any way.

[DiscerningCatholic]

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[/quote]

No comment. I love this.

[Annie12]

I am dealing with this. Currently I don't know where I'll end up but My whole family thinks I'm gonna be a nun. Yestserday I visited my grammy and she told me I ws too young to be dicerning. I dunno, personally I feel like I need to get more life exsperience. But, for you I would tell you to follow your heart and don't give up! You are not crazy or out of touch, it's those who tell you that you are, who are out of touch (an mybe just a bit crazy !)

But to answer your question, yes, I have to deal with this all the time. I haven't figured out how to deal with it yet either.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I know how you feel. I am blessed in that my parents are supportive. But my friends? Hahahaha... Yeah, no. I have like one friend who "wants to be a nun" but isn't really discerning actively very much. I have like two other people I know, not well, but I know them who are discerning the religious life actively. (This is all not including good friends I have made on Phatmass.)

This past weekend I went on a discernment retreat with a group of PCCs and there were two other girls at the retreat. We really became the best of friends by the end of the weekend, and it was *fantastic* to meet new people and new friends who are going through similar things to what I am going through. We got to talk a lot about our discernment. I mean, a lot. Like, we stayed up after Matins until 2am talking about our discernment. It was phenomenal. And now I have two new REAL LIFE friends who are actively discerning.

Have you ever considered going on a come and see with people you didn't know? Like at a convent in your area? I know it might be difficult, considering the situation with your parents, but it's definitely a great thing.

Even though I was not called to that Monastery I visited, it benefited my discernment SO much. Not only my vocation, but my overall spiritual life as well!

Many prayers as you discern God's Will for you, and search for someone to share that journey with you!

Edited August 28, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire

[EmilyAnn]

I'm right there with you. None of my friends IRL are even Catholic, though I haven't told them I'm discerning yet. My family aren't Catholic either and are completely against my discerning the religious life, they think I'm stupid and crazy. I don't think there's even such a thing as discernment retreats here. Honestly, Phatmass and my blog have been my saviours. For me, blogging is a way of working through my own thoughts and feelings and it gets me out of head. And Phatmass reminds me that I'm not alone - y'all may be all the way on the other side of the Atlantic but if I need to talk about anything then VS is always here.

[NonNovi]

Hmm, I picked the wrong thread to answer, it's double posted. Just in case the other one will be deleted:


I totally get this, and I don't think I'm the only one here But I haven't told my parents yet what I might want to do, I never said I'm discerning. We have enough discussions about the faith to know they wouldn't like me becoming a priest though.

Discerning takes time, so it doesn't matter you're just 15 or 16. Maybe it will take another 10 years before you decide to enter the convent (if this would turn out to be your vocation), only God knows. If your parents seem to be against it, just don't talk about it with them too much. Try to discern "in silence". Try to build up a life of regular praying. Keep exploring the faith and different communities (or the one you might have chosen already). Keep asking God and Our Lady to help you, to help your parents and to give you an answer. He will answer (but not how and when you want it)!

[OnlySunshine]

I dealt with this early on in my discernment.
[list=1]
[*]My mom thought I was nuts and that my discernment was just a fad.
[*]My dad's family (Baptists and Methodists) had no idea what religious life was about.
[*]My mom's family was not against it but they told me that they could not see me as a religious (which hurt me back then).
[*]My dad didn't care much as he knew next to nothing about vocations.
[*]My sister, who was raised Catholic and is now in the non-denominational church, never talked me out of it but she has tried to get me to convert to her Protestant sect.
[/list]
Discernment isn't easy in the beginning, especially if your parents have irrational fears of religious life such as the nuns being very unhappy and all of them are old. My mom kept trying to change my mind by talking to me saying, "When you get married and have kids..." I kept reminding her that I didn't think I was called there. I handled it very poorly and now I know that it was always a possibility at the time, but now, even though things could change, I still feel very strongly pulled towards consecrated life as either a religious or a consecrated single/virgin. My mom is my biggest supporter because she sees how serious I am and has become my cheerleader as I take on the aspirancy process to the order I am discerning. The rest of my family has backed off and is no longer talking me out of it (on my mom's side). My sister no longer tries to convert me because she knows I would not abandon the Church. And my dad and his family still don't know what's going on... LOL!

[DiscerningCatholic]

(Note: I haven't figured out how to quote multiple people in the same post yet.)

@FutureCarmeliteClaire: We've kind of got the same issue, but flipped. My friends are SUPER supportive of me. I made a cord Rosary that was about four feet from halfway through the third decade to the Crucifix (I.E. HUGE) and they all told me to tuck it in my belt like a nun. My friends put towels on my head and tuck them behind my neck like a veil. I mean, they're so supportive I can't even believe it (even though they have no clue about what I'm dealing with with my parents).

We don't have a convent within 150 miles of my house, or I would totally do a come and see. I think that's another problem my parents are having; they don't want me that far away. I told them that I'm looking at the DSMME as an order I might want to enter, but my mom said, "Well, there's also an order in Nashville. I'd rather have you in Tennessee than in Michigan." Location doesn't matter...vocation is what matters. All I want for my 16th birthday (I'm displaying how "abnormal" I am by saying this) is to go on a discernment retreat with the DSMME. Not a big party or a car...nothing like that. They still aren't taking me seriously.

@EmilyAnn: It's not so much that I don't have friends IRL who are discerning; I've met most of them multiple times and hung out with them, but they're all in Texas and I'm on the East coast...not the best distance to have between discerners.

@NonNovi: . . . Yes, I did post this thread twice. ACCIDENTALLY, but still twice. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa... -__- I've been keeping this between myself and my friends (and I post about it on my blog), but I really can't talk to my parents about it right now.

[DiscerningCatholic]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1346188422' post='2475415']
I dealt with this early on in my discernment.[list=1]
[*]My mom thought I was nuts and that my discernment was just a fad.

[*]My dad's family (Baptists and Methodists) had no idea what religious life was about.

[*]My mom's family was not against it but they told me that they could not see me as a religious (which hurt me back then).

[*]My dad didn't care much as he knew next to nothing about vocations.

[*]My sister, who was raised Catholic and is now in the non-denominational church, never talked me out of it but she has tried to get me to convert to her Protestant sect.
[/list]
Discernment isn't easy in the beginning, especially if your parents have irrational fears of religious life such as the nuns being very unhappy and all of them are old. My mom kept trying to change my mind by talking to me saying, "When you get married and have kids..." I kept reminding her that I didn't think I was called there. I handled it very poorly and now I know that it was always a possibility at the time, but now, even though things could change, I still feel very strongly pulled towards consecrated life as either a religious or a consecrated single/virgin. My mom is my biggest supporter because she sees how serious I am and has become my cheerleader as I take on the aspirancy process to the order I am discerning. The rest of my family has backed off and is no longer talking me out of it (on my mom's side). My sister no longer tries to convert me because she knows I would not abandon the Church. And my dad and his family still don't know what's going on... LOL!
[/quote]

I CAN SO RELATE TO THE FIRST TWO. My sister says to me, "Naaaah, you still want a boyfriend. You're just doing this so you look holy." (What's wrong with being holy?!)

All my Protestant friends are like, "Oh, you wanna be a nun? Isn't that like being a female pastor??" No matter how I explain it... "Aw, you're gonna make a great pastor!" Which is a compliment, I guess...but they're supporting something that they don't understand correctly.

My dad definitely supports me more than my mom (though my dad's side of the family doesn't). I totally get the whole "When you get married and have kids..." deal, and my mom is scheduling all these college visits to crazy liberal public colleges (but discernment retreats are still a waste of time and money).

[NonNovi]

[quote name='DiscerningCatholic' timestamp='1346188544' post='2475416']
but I really can't talk to my parents about it right now.
[/quote]
Then don't That's what I try to do. Just do what you are used to do (go to Mass, pray, etc.). My parents saw that I got more involved with the church through the years. They didn't get why, but weren't against it. When people see you "live" your faith they tend to bring it up more often themselves. Just ease them in to it. At a certain point nobody will be surprised anymore if you tell them you want to be a nun and they will have peace with it (or at least they will see that it makes you happy).

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='DiscerningCatholic' timestamp='1346188767' post='2475420']
I CAN SO RELATE TO THE FIRST TWO. My sister says to me, "Naaaah, you still want a boyfriend. You're just doing this so you look holy." (What's wrong with being holy?!)

All my Protestant friends are like, "Oh, you wanna be a nun? Isn't that like being a female pastor??" No matter how I explain it... "Aw, you're gonna make a great pastor!" Which is a compliment, I guess...but they're supporting something that they don't understand correctly.

My dad definitely supports me more than my mom (though my dad's side of the family doesn't). I totally get the whole "When you get married and have kids..." deal, and my mom is scheduling all these college visits to crazy liberal public colleges (but discernment retreats are still a waste of time and money).
[/quote]

Yep, I hear ya! My mom told me that I was trying to be "holier than thou" and I didn't need to be a nun to be closer to God -- which is true -- but I don't feel called to be married to a human man. She didn't understand back then that, to be a Sister, means that you are embracing marriage and taking Jesus as your Spouse and God's children become your family. What could be a greater gift than that? Now, she can't wait to see me be able to achieve my desires and become a religious.

[DiscerningCatholic]

The way I see it is this.
A vocation is a GIFT. It’s not just a gift; it’s a gift from GOD. And by turning down your vocation or turning down someone else’s vocation, you are rejecting that gift or refusing to allow a person to receive that gift.

So let's say a famous person calls you (could be a celebrity, an athlete, the president, a saint, whoever) and says, “Hey! I chose YOU, out of everyone else, to come and be my right-hand man!” It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and that person chose you and ONLY you to do that job.

Change it to God. Aka, Creator of the universe. Aka, the Guy who could breathe and leave a galaxy behind Him. Aka, the Big Man who has planned out your life from the beginning of time.

It's not like he looked at me and said, “Uh…well, I think I’ll put you in this group of people who will discern…and then I will put some of these friends of yours here with the group who will be married…”

He chose you, specifically, to be His bride. He didn’t choose you with several others to be His bride. When you are a religious, He thinks of you, as He does of all of His brides, as His one and ONLY bride. He doesn’t think of you as one of many; He thinks of each of His brides (through religious life) as His one and only.

My parents can't seem to get that. Then again, I could be wrong in thinking of a vocation like this. I don't know.

Edited August 28, 2012 by DiscerningCatholic

[mantellata]

Also (on the flip side) you are young, and your parents likely would want you to choose a college that is close.

If it is meant to be that you are to join the DSMME's it will happen in God's own time. While the DSMME's will except [u]some[/u] young women at 17, they will require you to wait a year if your parents are not supportive. It's totally frustrating - I know - my parents didn't like me entering a convent at 22 and I had my degree!! But the thing to remember that your gift is also imposes a sacrifice on them and so it requires of us to be gentle and move slowly and also be considerate of their feelings. It doesn't mean that we acquiesce and [u]not[/u] join religious life....... I just wish that I had been a little more understanding of my parents 11 years ago rather than parting on such stressed terms.

I will be praying for your discernment.