Switching Spiritual Directors

[To Jesus Through Mary]

What do you think are valid reasons for switching spiritual directors? I am discerning this, and I take this very seriously. I do not want to switch for the wrong reasons and I do not want to stay out of fear of taking the next step. Does anyone have any insight on this or perhaps something the saints have said on the matter?

[Egidio]

The saints (in particular St Theresa of avila and st Alphonse), teach that once you have found a director, you should not change him except for very good reasons, for example, moving house, a 'change' of spirituality, or a personal incompatibility that developed over time.

However, having a director does not mean that one can't go to others for their opinion, although this should be done be great prudence, and the 'official' director should be made aware of the situation, so that he can give direction with a view of the big picture.

If you really think that changing your director is God's Will for you, then don't be afraid, and I'm sure your director won't mind.

AVE MARIA!

[To Jesus Through Mary]

[quote name='Egidio' timestamp='1345946380' post='2474301']
The saints (in particular St Theresa of avila and st Alphonse), teach that once you have found a director, you should not change him except for very good reasons, for example, moving house, a 'change' of spirituality, or a personal incompatibility that developed over time.
[/quote]
Do you happen to remember which books they wrote about this so I can try and see maybe a larger context? I tired google, but didn't get very far.

[quote]However, having a director does not mean that one can't go to others for their opinion, although this should be done be great prudence, and the 'official' director should be made aware of the situation, so that he can give direction with a view of the big picture.[/quote]
Point taken.
[quote]
If you really think that changing your director is God's Will for you, then don't be afraid, and I'm sure your director won't mind.[/quote]
You're definitely right about that, I doubt he would mind at all. But I also realize this is one of those decisions I need to be careful that it is not ruled by my own inclinations, passions, or aversions. It's not so cut and dry.

Thanks for your reply father. God bless.

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='To Jesus Through Mary' timestamp='1346003636' post='2474469']

I also realize this is one of those decisions I need to be careful that it is not ruled by my own inclinations, passions, or aversions. It's not so cut and dry.
[/quote]

What about seeking the advice of another person? A confessor perhaps? I mean someone to whom you can explain the whole situation to and say the specific reasons why you want to change, who can help you discern if this is the right choice. It might be too awkward to do that with your current SD. Of course, I know not everyone has the luxury of wise priests who are good at helping with discernment readily available... but if there is someone, I would suggest going this route.

Other suggestion, if that isn't possible... do an advantages/disadvantages list.

[cmaD2006]

Good question TJTM

These are my personal thoughts backed only by my own experience (not backed by anything other than personal experience).

a) if you feel as though you may not be growing spiritually as you should be, and think that you have been with one director for a while then it may really be time to change. I was at that point before switching directors (but there's much more to the story ... see other reasons below). It could also be the case that the sd (if the sd is a relatively new one for you) is too intense ... too "demanding/unreasonable" (it could happen -- and that needs to be decided on a personal basis).
b) there may come a point in time where there is a "conflict of interest" or something unhealthy in the relationship. It shouldn't happen, but it does. For example -- the last s.d. I had (before my current) became a good friend of mine, as well as a s.d. and I worked closely with him at a ministerial level. That was a no-no really, and in the long run ended the s.d. relationship (in a really bad way). But funny enough I already had (a) running through my heart. There could be other "conflict of interests" such as a major difference in theology (ex: the sd was a bit liberal minded, you were a bit traditional, and the rift got worse over time such that you do not agree at all in anything)
c) if there is a lack of trust/confidence ... if you feel as though you cannot trust him/her enough to say anything to the s.d. then you really should consider a switch. The relationship should be such that you can say whatever needs to be said, no matter how sinful, no matter how crazy it may sound, no matter how intimate. If you can't do that -- and you don't think the relationship can develop such that you can do that, then you may very well need a new sd. In addition -- if things have happened such that this part of the relationship has changed, then it is time to change.
d) distance and time -- if your sd and you live too far away from each other to be able to meet then this needs to be considered. Also if the sd has become so busy that he/she can't see you for weeks/months, then it may also be time to move on. Now a caveat -- in this instance you may be able to talk over the phone. It really would depend on the relationship that is there.
e) instinct/gut. If after thoughtful consideration and prayer your instincts really leads you to find a new sd -- start looking, and keep the old one informed. You never know why the inspiration is there. For example ... your current sd may be transferred, and it may just be the Lord giving you advance warning without you realizing it . Or -- the Lord really has someone better in mind for you, and if you didn't start looking you wouldn't even consider a new person!

Reasons why NOT to change
a) "you know your sd is right but you don't like what he's (she's) asking you to do"
b) "he/she never lets you get away with murder or excuses"

Hoping I made some sort of sense,

Edited August 28, 2012 by cmariadiaz