Parents And Their Cloistered Daughters

[Pax_et bonum]

[url="http://franciscanbrothersminor.com/FBM/Parents_and_their_Cloistered_Daughters.html"]Parents and their Cloistered Daughters[/url] by Fr. David Mary, F.F.M.

“Cloister! A Grill! Anything but that!” This has been the reaction of Fathers and Mothers to their daughters entering contemplative life since its conception. Many tears are shed by parents as they hear their daughters announce that they believe themselves to be called to the enclosure. Not holding their daughters again, the daughter not attending family events, not even funerals, their missing out on the life of their siblings haunts a parents thoughts. Even for some of the most pious parents it’s their greatest nightmare come true. “It’s like she’s dying!

These emotions, feelings, thoughts by parents are real! They couldn’t be more real. Something would be terribly wrong if they didn’t feel at least a touch of these things. Let’s be honest, there is a sort of death. There will be a separation of a grill. They will not be home for funerals and family functions. They will miss out on the life of their siblings. It is like she is dying! And every parent must go through a pseudo mourning process, a letting go, and a real grief brought on by the loss of their daughter. To deny a parent their right to grieve and mourn would be absolutely ridiculous and down right cruel.

The grief of loss and the depth of mourning is only slightly lifted by the incredible gift that God is asking of their daughters. Although parents grieve deeply, there is a tinge of jubilance knowing that God has called their daughter to the higher vocation, the contemplative life. There is no greater call. God cannot ask anything more of them because he is asking for their all. Parents do find some consolation knowing that the Good Lord has reached out His Mighty pierced hand to their daughter! She, the daughter, like a trusting child has grabbed His hand and has accepted the Lord’s invitation to be all His, only His and no one else’s! Truly, a worthy husband for their daughter!

A parent of a cloistered nun has every right to feel honored that God has specifically chosen their daughter to be His own. By the self-gift of herself to Christ their daughter will become, not just an honored member of the household of God, but His bride. Jesus will adorn their daughter with heavenly virtues and divine graces. He will call her His own and, wedded to the King of Kings, will receive a new status as “Queen”. I wonder if parents of cloistered nuns don’t look back on their daughter’s childhood and remember all the times she said she was a princess or dressed up as one. Little did these parents expect that one day their daughter would actually be one!

Parents of cloistered nuns do take great comfort in knowing that their daughter is called to enter the palace of the Great King. There, behind the walls of His palace and the grill of His love, she is safe. She is protected by the right hand of the one who lead Israel out of slavery and Himself conquered sin and death. Being in the cloister and under the “Shadow of His wings” she will have nothing to fear. The best of all Fathers, He from Whom all Father’s receive their name, will provide abundantly for these daughter’s of His who are wedded to His Most Beloved Son. The Father who “Knows their needs before they ask”, will richly provide for their daughters.

What pride a parent of a cloistered nun can take in their daughter who has been given a great mission, a noble task and the most sacred of duties, to appear, like Queen Esther, before the king and plead for mercy upon the most hardened of sinners. It will be their daughters special task to carry every soul of the world in her heart and present those souls to Our God for healing, conversion, strength, hope and so on.
Their daughter will be asked to enter into the very Chasm that Moses stood before, and obtain the graces that can save nations from extinction! This is no small task! This is no light duty! By her prayer and penance souls will come to salvation, many will be freed from the pains of purgatory and countless people will be spared the very fires of Hell! Yes! the cloistered nun, a loved daughter by her parents, called to be one who can stay the just and mighty hand of God and unleash a torrent of mercy upon the world. Who would of thought that someone so young and delicate as their daughter can do all that? But she can, and so much more! Because she is pleasing to God, because of His love for their daughter and their love for Him, He Will answer her prayers.

Some parents of girls entering the enclosed life begin to lament the loss of grandchildren. Fair enough! However, they come to understand that their daughter’s love for God and His love for her will never be sterile. She will become a mother to countless souls, people she has never met and more than likely will not meet until she and they get to heaven. By Faith! their daughter knows that she is giving life to so many by obtaining the grace of true spiritual life for a countless host of Souls.

In the end, parents of cloistered nuns make the ultimate sacrifice of their daughters to God. The parents of every cloistered nun are to be honored with a special honor. They should be revered and applauded. They raised a daughter worthy of the Most High and, although painful, let her go! May they be blessed! Now and forever!

[emmaberry]

I especially loved the bits about dressing up as princesses and giving honor to these parents. They really image Abraham in sacrificing their beloved Isaacs for God-albeit in a very different form!

Thanks for posting.

[Pax_et bonum]

It addresses exactly what my parents have been saying:
[quote]Not holding their daughters again, the daughter not attending family events, not even funerals, their missing out on the life of their siblings haunts a parents thoughts. Even for some of the most pious parents it’s their greatest nightmare come true. “It’s like she’s dying![/quote]

I may share this with them, but I really would like Fr. David Mary to talk with them.

[mantellata]

It is a death in some ways - and on both sides. I think the hard thing for parents and siblings is that they are only experiencing the loss - while the one entering religious life, while also experiencing loss, is committing herself [u]to something[/u].

It always bugged me when my mom (when I first entered) would go on and on about how I had to let her grieve, because it was like I was dying. I kept reminding her that I was right here, right now, and not dead, that we could enjoy what we had left - and [u]I wasn't dead[/u] so there would still be communication and visits which was better than my "actually being dead". I think what was really going on was that my mom was trying in her own way to mourn the hoped for dreams she had for her daughter and the place she expected to have in them. She would have had to mourn that loss anyways - in those areas where my life's choices did not include what she ideally dreamed - but it wouldn't have happened all at once the way it does when I entered. What makes this harder for the discerner is that [u]it is[/u] a big sacrifice to enter, and it is a sacrifice for God and the Church and even for ones own family. Then to have the ones you love most yell and scream and cry and throw tantrums about how awful and hurtful you are by making this decision -- casts a cloud of doubt over something that is already difficult, and made with the intent to help and not hurt.

To make a choice of God over parents is an excruciating thing.

[MessorCarus]

[quote name='Pax_et bonum' timestamp='1345940237' post='2474258']
Yes! the cloistered nun, a loved daughter by her parents, called to be one who can stay the just and mighty hand of God and unleash a torrent of mercy upon the world. Who would of thought that someone so young and delicate as their daughter can do all that? But she can, and so much more! Because she is pleasing to God, because of His love for their daughter and their love for Him, He Will answer her prayers.
[/quote]

There is something to beautiful about this expression love. Something difficult to explain. When i told my parents i was thinking about religious life they began grieving in different ways. Anger and misunderstandings among other things. I wish I could explain to them how i feel but it's just not possible. Hopefully wherever God calls, He will bring them graces to understand my decision.

[emmaberry]

[quote name='mantellata' timestamp='1346003059' post='2474464']
What makes this harder for the discerner is that [u]it is[/u] a big sacrifice to enter, and it is a sacrifice for God and the Church and even for ones own family. Then to have the ones you love most yell and scream and cry and throw tantrums about how awful and hurtful you are by making this decision -- casts a cloud of doubt over something that is already difficult, and made with the intent to help and not hurt.

To make a choice of God over parents is an excruciating thing.
[/quote]

Oh my goodness. This is something that I have been mentally gnawing on since I've begun to receive negative family reactions (a couple months)...I just didn't know how to express it in words.

You are so right that the cloister is a huge sacrifice for the person. While they desire it, there is also that 'death' unto the world and loved ones, which they've grown up in and with, and it is very painful for the discerner on the verge of the cloister.

There is an overload of irony in the case of most cloistered hopeful's family reactions. Here is this person who wants to die to themselves because they have a call from Christ. This would be hard for the person even if everyone that found out was in spiritual awe of them, and wished them the best. Yet here are people who act as if they have said they are going to Antarctica to live with wolves, and they will not be coming back to visit, thank you very much. It reminds me of Saint Francis when he first started living as a beggar. Here was this rich man who deliberately renounced all his wealth and wanted to live as a beggar, and for some reason, this made people absolutely furious. Here are these people who just want to enter the cloister and live in the heart of God and spend themselves for souls, and of all things, this drives most 'onlookers' absolutely mad.

This is the thing that gets me about most of my furious relatives. They just seem to focus so much on what the 'loss of me' will mean for [i]them[/i]. Only a few close family members seem to care about whether I can actually endure cloistered life, how much they eat and sleep, and the general practicalities of the life. Only a few seem to be genuinely concerned for me. Even most friends just go on exclaiming, "But [b]I[/b] wanted you in my wedding!" "What will [b]I[/b] do without being able to talk to you?" "How will [b]I[/b] survive?" These comments are disheartening, to say the least.

I think that is the thing that hurts the most about being called to the contemplative life... We read this vocations literature and it says that contemplatives are the heart of the Church. We tend to get this idea that we are doing something really special and important for God and His Church, and while that is not wrong, it can induce pride. I think God lets us receive these negative reactions from family as a 'dunk in cold water,' so to speak. Who knows how arrogant I'd be if my parents and other family treated my vocation as I wish they would! I have enough problems with that even in the midst of their contempt.. It is painful, but I believe that God is protecting me in that way. Of course, familial persecution of a vocation can end with the vocation being lost, and that is not ideal in any form, but I know the minor persecution I endure is for my spiritual benefit, even though it is uncomfortable. I hope it continues, though. Right before I left for college, and I hear this is the case most of the time, my parents were so nice and sweet that I did not want to leave them to go off to school. I hope they don't do this if I enter!