Monetary Offerings For Spiritual Direction

[carmenchristi]

So, I'm kind of wondering how most people regulate themselves with this issue. There was a great post in the blog RC Spiritual Direction: [url="http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2012/06/24/should-i-pay-my-spiritual-director"]http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2012/06/24/should-i-pay-my-spiritual-director[/url], but I'd like some feedback from people here.

I never gave my spiritual director any offerings before, but I was a Sister... and we were pretty poor. Now I'll be going back to the same spiritual director and am discerning whether or not I should be paying him. Of course, I'm pretty poor even now having to pay for school and rent and everything, mostly with loan money. But I feel like I should make some kind of sacrifice to give at least a small amount.

Any thoughts on the subject?

[To Jesus Through Mary]

I am going to PM you- but to answer your question I do not give any sort of donation to my director.

[Egidio]

Spiritual direction, per se, should not have a price tag. Especially when given by a priest, as this falls directly within his 'job description'. Of course, spiritual remuneration (prayers etc) or spontaneous donations are fine.
I have never felt comfortable with the idea of a 'director' charging a set price for his or her services.

I will dig up some more info for you from the good spiritual writers on the subject.

AVE MARIA!

[abrideofChrist]

People who can afford it should offer to give the spiritual director money for their session. Those who question whether an offering should be made or requested often are thinking about salaried diocesan priests or religious whose individual orders/communities may have a policy of not accepting fees. However, there are spiritual directors who legitimately ask for fees such as persons who are not salaried to give direction, parish priests, deacons, members of communities who depend on their members to provide an income for their communities, etc.

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='Egidio' timestamp='1345945870' post='2474295']
Spiritual direction, per se, should not have a price tag. Especially when given by a priest, as this falls directly within his 'job description'. Of course, spiritual remuneration (prayers etc) or spontaneous donations are fine.
I have never felt comfortable with the idea of a 'director' charging a set price for his or her services.

I will dig up some more info for you from the good spiritual writers on the subject.

AVE MARIA!
[/quote]

Thanks for your response. Any additional info would be appreciated.
He does not charge a fee, and has never minimally hinted that I should be giving him anything. Our relationship is very much a spiritual father - spiritual daughter kind... not the slightest bit "professional" in the sense of "I do this, you pay me". I just wonder if it would be proper for me to give an offering (each time, or a few times a year or something), kind of like giving an offering to have a Mass said for a particular intention.

But then again, as I mentioned, I really don't even have the money to pay for school (hence the loan) so maybe it isn't at all appropriate for me to dip into borrowed money to give offerings. I guess I'm questioning in general how to go about being generous with what God gives me financially or otherwise while still remaining in the reality of what my means actually are.

I haven't ever dealt with the issue of giving back financially because I entered the convent right after high school... trying to find the right balance.... I really don't have extra money, but I do seem to be able to buy myself an ice cream every so often, so maybe I just need to make some more sacrifices in order to get my priorities straight....

[Egidio]

It is always nice to have a Mass offered for your director, even by the director himself!

AVE MARIA!

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='Egidio' timestamp='1345948991' post='2474326']
It is always nice to have a Mass offered for your director, even by the director himself!

AVE MARIA!
[/quote]
That's a GREAT idea!

[emmaberry]

[quote name='Egidio' timestamp='1345948991' post='2474326']
It is always nice to have a Mass offered for your director, even by the director himself!

AVE MARIA!
[/quote]

What a great thought!

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I voted other so let me explain...
My spiritual directors are the Holy Bible, the Holy Sacraments and Sacred Tradition(paticularily the holy mass),the one i'm missing out on often is fellowship outside of phatmass. And when i can i do offer money in the collection plates to support the priests and money in the poor box. And i do purchase things for my friends and family sometimes.

Edited August 26, 2012 by Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye' timestamp='1345954729' post='2474362']
I voted other so let me explain...
My spiritual directors are the Holy Bible, the Holy Sacraments and Sacred Tradition(paticularily the holy mass),the one i'm missing out on often is fellowship outside of phatmass. And when i can i do offer money in the collection plates to support the priests and money in the poor box. And i do purchase things for my friends and family sometimes.
[/quote]

Tab ... the OP is really referring to something completely different. Not every person has an SD, but I think the OP was asking the question of those who do. I'm not going to start an argument (it isn't the debate table) but at least personally just having the Holy Bible, the Sacraments and Sacred Tradition as a spiritual director is not enough; and I don't think I can even think of myself as being wise enough to direct myself through just those means. I need another to help me see what is going on within me, and that person is my spiritual director.

CarmenChristi -- I don't offer anything to my sd. I have thought about it -- what I do do is every so often I give a thoughtful gift -- books that he would like (love) to read. To other SDs I would take them out to dinner/lunch and pick up the tab. Every so often at around the holidays I'd offer a gift (check, gift card, something). To my 1st sd I gave him a stole from the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and he really appreciated it.

There are those who sd is their full time ministry, and in those cases I have seen that the sd does ask for an offering/fee. I know for one thing -- if it is a lay person, it is quite possible that the person actually may have had to pay for their schooling without any Church help. In cases such as this I think it is a reasonable thing to ask for a fee. Besides some retreat houses actually set fees for the personnel who offer spiritual direction through their center.

Edited August 28, 2012 by cmariadiaz

[carmenchristi]

Thanks Cma... I am leaning towards the occasional donation/thoughtful gift. I don't think he would really appreciate me trying to give money that I don't have, but at least a creative expression of gratitude would be well warranted... As far as I know, the center that he is part of doesn't charge a fee, but I could be totally out of the loop on that one. I'd LOVE to take him out to lunch or dinner, but I don't think that would be appropriate given the situation for various reasons (besides, I'd have to pay for my own meal as well as his so.... mmm... maybe when my parents come visit me we can all go together. My dad will pay ).

[BarbTherese]

My spiritual director is a religious and the concern of her religious order is for the very poor and severely marginalized, therefore the donation I give each visit, I regard as a donation towards their works, hence a co-operation in works of Mercy on my part. I do not regard it as a fee for spiritual direction. Sister did not request nor wanted a donation, but I explained to her that I did regard it as a donation to the works of the Order and thus she happily accepts it.
I also am quite poor and my income in Australia regarded as below poverty. This suits me since I have made a private vow of poverty and what I donate toward's my director's religious order is surely just a 'widow's mite'. I do need to go without to donate, but again, it suits me since I have made a private vow of poverty. This is not the only regular donation I make.

[carmenchristi]

Thanks BT for your input... and for your own personal dedication to service. As I mentioned, I'm really searching to find a balance in my life between being generous and being prudent. This is going to be my first time ever living on my own, plus I'll be on a different continent. I suppose I'll have a better feel for things once I know what my actual expenses/income are going to be... I'm still pretty clueless, and can't find a job until I get there. So up until now, I've been fitting into my layperson skin. Now it fits really well!.... But I'm going to have to start fitting into my layperson life, and that isn't really going to start until I get off that airplane!

[BarbTherese]

Easy for me to talk, CC. I am now some 35 years into the journey of life as a layperson under private vows. Lots of learning and learning curves, mistakes and failures, round a bend and up a creek and 'failure conscious back to the drawing board', in those 35 years!
I will be keeping you in prayer. Trust and confidence in The Lord and perseverance brings in a harvest. I once read a book by Thomas Merton in which, speaking of the eremitical life, he wrote "sit in your cell and your cell will tell you what to do", which sort of means when it is all unfolded, trust confidently in The Lord to show the way and He surely will. I do not regard my way of life as in any way eremitical, perhaps in some features at times. I know how hair raising things for me were when I first set out and if I knew all that lay ahead.........well, in my case, just as well I didn't - a real blessing to me. One looks back and sees the road one has travelled and one is stunned, although at the time it was a matter of step by step and at times very small steps.........and either forwards or backwards. But perseverance brings in a rich harvest and perseverence come what may including any failures.
A good spiritual director is aboslutely invaluable in the spiritual life. I dont think at all it is necessary to pay for spiritual direction and I wouldn't I dont think. My envelope to my director is a donation and since she also has a vow of poverty, the contents of the envelope go into the Order's coffers. Having a Mass said is far more valuable than all and any dollars - far more. There is absolutely no comparison in fact.
Probably best to talk the matter of a fee over with a director and explain fully one's financial position. I would be totally shocked if a director refused direction because the person could not pay a stipulated fee "He has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted those of low degree.He has filled the hungry with good things; and the rich He has sent empty away." (Our Lady's Magnificat).

Edited August 28, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

Just wanted to add:
We have a moral obligation in my book:
To look after our own health and life and very often this takes dollars available to do so. Mental health asks that we have times and perhaps dollars in order to relax in the hurdy gurdy of lay life, or it can be so.
To pay for the roof over our head and any debts or bills.
To support The Church and the missions, and works of Mercy - even if it is only a literal widow's mite. One does what one is able.

As for balance, again in my book, it is not so much something I consciously do if I have ever achieved it, it is something that Grace has brought about and far from my conscious life. There is virtue that is the definition and then there is virtue in Truth, which only Grace effects - and often........and best............in very hidden ways.

My way is to inform reason with prayer and reflection and then to follow what reason tells me trusting in The Lord. I try not to second guess myself unless absolutely necessary and most often I find that it is not. I cannot undo the past, I can only learn from it in hindsight and hopefully take the lesson into my future. A part of prayerful reflection can be to discuss a matter with one's director who may offer advice and aspects that had not occured to me. I am responsibile I hold for my own decisions however.

Edited August 28, 2012 by BarbaraTherese