brianthephysicist Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Did you hear about all of the fish in the river dying? It might be an act of cod. It was raining cats and dogs earlier. I stepped into a poodle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 [quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1347645190' post='2482363'] [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lutNECOZFw[/media] [/quote] I really lol- He is very excited about that train.... hahahaha- man if only we could all be so happy about the small things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianthephysicist Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Found some cool one-liners on the intertubes. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Morbid: [spoiler]I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.[/spoiler] I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do? I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. God must love stupid people. He made SO many. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. I intend to live forever. So far, so good. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. You're never too old to learn something stupid. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. If winning isn't everything why do they keep score? A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 I liked the morbid one best brian . I laughed really, really hard. Keep 'em up. I just got electronically the full blood work test results, and something that was under control is now not. I have to call the doc tomorrow (she'll be shocked if she hasn't looked at it already). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Maybe the ads I got on FB will make you laugh? They're a tad contrasting in title alone: [img]http://i.imgur.com/XiENC.png[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianthephysicist Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) A pastor went out one Saturday afternoon to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it, and stuck it in the door: Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. - Revelation 3:20 The next morning, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher's message was written the following notation: I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. -Genesis 3:10 Edited September 18, 2012 by brianthephysicist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 [quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1347936918' post='2483560'] A pastor went out one Saturday afternoon to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it, and stuck it in the door: Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. - Revelation 3:20 The next morning, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher's message was written the following notation: I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. -Genesis 3:10 [/quote] /win The old woman's home was broken into by a desperate criminal. She looked at the criminal and decided that he should know to mend his ways as he took her belongings and she shouted at him, "Acts 2:38" and he became still as a stone until the police arrived to take him into custody. When the police put him into handcuffs, they asked why he had stayed in that spot. He was shaking as he told them, "That crazy old lady said she has an axe and two .38s!" The police placed him in the rear of the car and locked him in, turning back to the old woman, "Ma'am, do you have a permit for those guns?" The woman was confused and the officers told her what the criminal had said. She laughed and told them her reasoning about how he needed to change his ways and that Acts 2:38 read, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 [img]https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/533657_394075593992357_2133220732_n.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Oh my... when I need anothr green avatar.... no, I don't think so... Missy.... I think I found that Cat Cantata video & sent it to the Meetup thread.... hoping that the VERY, uh, HAPPY meetup crowd might record it for us after, uh, a little healthy food & drink. I guess not..... This isn't cats, but it is a favorite... and reminds me of PM somehow... and no matter how many times I see it, it always makes me LAUGH!!!! [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Cers3vJcos"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Cers3vJcos[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCQkYcgxpXw&feature=related"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCQkYcgxpXw&feature=related[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianthephysicist Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 [img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a50/faithieee/fishforpeople8-1.png[/img] [img]http://arnoldzwicky.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/penguincat.jpg[/img] [img]http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/funny-pictures-the-lawn-gnomes-have-beaten-the-pink-flamingos.jpg[/img] And to finish off, I'm adding this picture here so I can find it again, but I think I need to add this to a few of the debate table threads: [img]http://www.curiositiesbydickens.com/wp-content/uploads/silliness-makes-your-soul-smile.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) Brian, thanks, I laughed! Thursday I told a story that could apply to this thread. I won't use the guy's name, but he's a federal agent. We went to a conference together and shared a room (I paused to explain that conference hotels are expensive, lest they assume something more...sexual.), but he was a total jerk to the TSA screener. Well as we left the screening area, the screener was on a walkie talkie. When we got to our hotel after a cross country flight he opened his luggage and there was a huge stench that arose from it. His cologne bottle had been shattered all over his clothing "somehow" and there was a card in there from the TSA stating that his bag had been "randomly" searched for national security purposes. Edited September 28, 2012 by BG45 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianthephysicist Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 [url="http://mommyhasapottymouth.com/wp-content/themes/website/data/php/timthumb.php?src=wp-content/uploads/2012/09/the-poop-poem.jpg&q=90&w=386"]http://mommyhasapott....jpg&q=90&w=386[/url] [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzzjgBAaWZw[/media] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 That was soooo like my cat Bri! Pholks keep the laughs coming. No injections yet... and thanks to carmenchristi for the laughs last night:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I think this fits better here than the random images thread: [img]https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/578401_3466261509862_1613615542_n.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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