Meeting With Spiritual Director For The First Time... !yay!

[Kylie Spinelli]

Hi everyone! So, Praise be to God! I have been praying that I would come across someone who would be able to help me in my discernment, such as a spiritual director, and one of my nun-friends (gotta love 'em!!) got me in touch with a priest who does spiritual direction! YAAY! Thank You, God, for answering my prayers, once again!!

So after having a near - heart attack before calling and scheduling my first appointment, and getting through talking with him without passing out, my next obstacle is learning what comes next - what happens at the meeting, how long they are, etc. I'm totally new to this, I have never met with a spiritual director before, and not a lot of people (that I see in real life, I must add that disclaimer!) know about my discernment. And the ones that do, know very little about it. I'm wondering what this meeting will be like, what questions I should ask, what questions he will ask, etc. Is there anything I need to bring or do? Oh my gosh, I am so nervous, and excited, and scared! Haha

How do I control my nerves? Oh my gosh I'm going to be shaking Haha! Don't get me wrong, I am so glad and thankful for this opportunity, but this is just such a big deal, and I'm TOTALLY new to this!!

Any help/guidance/experience/advice is GREATLY appreciated!!

Thank you and GOD BLESS

[PhuturePriest]

Meeting with my spiritual director has never been a mistake. I have learned so much about discernment and about myself, and plus, I made a new friend. Nothing beats that.

For advice, I would say calm down. Even though it is exciting, it is not the end of the world. All you are going to do is talk, so there is no need to have any anxiety about it. Also, remember to make sure you do not make yourself sound perfect. Involve your faults as well. Do not focus on your faults, but simply mention them from time to time so he knows more about you and can help you better. Some people advise taking a pen and a paper. I prefer anything whatsoever to handwriting, so I simply remember everything by memory, but if you are not good at that I would recommend doing this. Finally, have fun! For once you are talking to a Priest in private and you won't have to end the conversation with "And these are my sins." Talk about your discernment, your family, your daily life, your plans, everything. Let him get to know you, and in this way he can advise you. My spiritual director asked me a bunch of psychological questions during our first meeting, like how I stack my books, what order they are in, whether they went all the way to the wall or if they were in a perfect line, etc. Yours may not do this, but he will try to get to know you, so be prepared for that.

I hope it goes well. If you have any more questions or if I forgot to answer a few just tell me.

[Mary's Child]

Hi! First of all let me say your name seems vaguely familiar for some reason. I feel like Ive heard of you somewhere before LOL.
Just be honest with the priest let him know exactly whats going on with you and especially what you are struggling with especially if it is some aspect of your spiritual life. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and let him surprise you with what he has in store. I think sometimes when we go in to a situation with expectations for how things will turn out we lose some of the appreciation for how God is working in the situation. Often it doesnt work out the way we expected and we end up disappointed so just try to walk in with a clean slate. I am so happy for you another big step .

[cmaD2006]

Just take a deep breath, relax, and have the initial meeting with him.

The initial meeting is a getting to know one another meeting, really. It is hard to just jump into a topic -- both of you don't really know one another.

If you have any specific issues -- bring them (write them down if you will forget). Don't bring the laundry list -- just one or two very important things, maybe the one key issue (ex: "I am discerning religious life" ... or "I have a hard time praying" or "I have no clue what God wants of me"). Anything to start the ball rolling. He may start out with a question to start the conversation off.

You'll be surprised at where God will lead.

I do recommend bringing the notebook ... he may give you some good pointers that you will want to write down. But given that it is the first meeting, he may not; he is trying to get to know your soul so it may take a meeting or two before you get down to business.

Blessings!

[OnlySunshine]

Yes, like others have said, there is no reason to be nervous. What I found helped me when I met with my former spiritual director back in 2009 is to have a Holy Hour in Adoration directly beforehand. My SD's parish has Perpetual Adoration and I would often go there before AND after to pray about our conversation. Now that I don't have an SD, I have been using my Catholic therapist unofficially and she meets in a Catholic building that has Holy Hour during the day, so I often go there afterward.

Take a notebook with you to jot stuff down. I would find, a lot of the time, that I'd forget what we'd talk about or I would forget to say something important. If you have something you really need to talk about, make sure you make a note so you don't forget!

Most of all -- RELAX! The SD is there to encourage you, not persuade you either way. They don't give direct advice. They simply help you hear the Holy Spirit.

[Guest PhatD]

Dear Friend - I think you might appreciate this post that outlines how to have an effective first meeting with a director.

How to prepare: http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/2012/05/10/how-should-i-prepare-for-a-meeting-with-my-spiritual-director

Here's a list of links on the process as well:

http://rcspiritualdirection.com/blog/topical-series-and-resources-on-the-spiritual-life/spiritual-direction

Pax Christi!

[Kylie Spinelli]

Hi everyone!

So I just got home from my meeting. You were right, there was nothing to fret about! It actually was kind of nice to chat about my discernment and everything that's going on... He did tell me what I thought he'd say and I was hoping he wouldn't - that I need to tell my parents.... LOL but other than that, it was really wonderful!

Thank you all and God bless!!!

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Kylie Spinelli' timestamp='1345833253' post='2473592']
Hi everyone!

So I just got home from my meeting. You were right, there was nothing to fret about! It actually was kind of nice to chat about my discernment and everything that's going on... He did tell me what I thought he'd say and I was hoping he wouldn't - that I need to tell my parents.... LOL but other than that, it was really wonderful!

Thank you all and God bless!!!
[/quote]

Ha. I'm glad you had a great time! And yes, it is important to tell them you are thinking about it sometime, but I am sure he covered that. I hope you received what you needed out of the meeting, and I am sure you will enjoy your future ones as well.

[Kylie Spinelli]

Now the obstacle is telling my parents that I am discerning. He really stressed that... Do any of you PMers know of any pre-existing threads about how to break the ice or get the conversation rolling? If not, I may make one just to gather some advice...
HELP?

God bless and thank you!!

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Kylie Spinelli' timestamp='1345849136' post='2473719']
Now the obstacle is telling my parents that I am discerning. He really stressed that... Do any of you PMers know of any pre-existing threads about how to break the ice or get the conversation rolling? If not, I may make one just to gather some advice...
HELP?

God bless and thank you!!
[/quote]

I know there have been tons of them, but I can't remember any. You can choose to search, or you can make a new thread since every case is different in some way. I don't think any of us will mind. I know I wouldn't, anyway.

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='Kylie Spinelli' timestamp='1345849136' post='2473719']
Now the obstacle is telling my parents that I am discerning. He really stressed that... Do any of you PMers know of any pre-existing threads about how to break the ice or get the conversation rolling? If not, I may make one just to gather some advice...
HELP?

God bless and thank you!!
[/quote]

There probably are ones, but no-one will complain if you make one. Like FP said, every case is different and what may be good advice for one person may not work for another.

[emmaberry]

I began to bring up my seminarian friends in conversation more often. When I could tell my mom was like, "Why is she always talking about these guys?" I said that I wanted to discern God's will for me too. My mom and I have a good relationship, so she knew that I was really saying that I was planning to become a Sister.

I waited to tell my dad, hoping that my mom would help me with this. She was not much help, because she knew that this was something I needed to tell him... She could not carry me through [i]that[/i] talk! I told him in a large crowded restaurant-good because he had to restrain his reaction, bad because I burst into tears 10 seconds after I began telling him about my calling. The next time I had a discernment conversation with my dad, I did it at home..that was when I was asking him if he would give me his blessing to leave college (which he financed) and discern which convent I was called to more deeply.

Time, place, and other contexts of The Conversation are something that will vary case by case. I'd tell the parent you are closest to first, if only to receive advice on how to tell the parent/family that may be more disapproving.

Praying.