I Feel Abandoned By The Church.

[MissyP89]

Really interesting perspective, Lilla. Never thought of it that way.

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1345251698' post='2469448']
Its one of the things I like about Mass that I can go and be anonymous if I want. If I go to somewhere different, no one will notice, or at least no one will point out that I'm "new." I don't want to be "greeted" or anything like that. In fact when I do bump into the rare parish where my visit is exclaimed over or otherwise noted, I am careful never to return.

The act of welcoming implies the existence of a line of separation that is now being bridged with welcoming. I treasure the experience of going somewhere new and having my presence accepted as a matter of course. I think that is a gift of our particular culture of faith.
[/quote]

THIS!

[Groo the Wanderer]

if you wanna socialize, go to the cafeteria after Mass. some group or another is ALWAYS selling food there

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Groo the Wanderer' timestamp='1345258913' post='2469517']
if you wanna socialize, go to the cafeteria after Mass. some group or another is ALWAYS selling food there
[/quote]

but i thought cafeteria Catholics were bad?

[Gabriela]

Father Barron talks about this:

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dftZ5K_EA4s[/media]

I'm not the socializing type myself, and I find what Lilla said about welcoming very insightful. (Makes you wanna reconsider the army of "greeters" we put out at Christmas and Easter...) But I do think it's important to not let every strange face go unspoken to. At my parish they did it "just right" (to my taste, at least): I went to daily Mass for about three weeks, at which point the lady I always sat behind turned around after Mass and introduced herself. Then, of course, they gave me a sponsor and started showing me off every few months, at which point everyone and their mother knew who I was.

I think daily Mass—if you can go—is a good place to meet pious Catholics. Attendance is smaller, and they all tend to know each other, so they recognize a new face and are very welcoming. Of course, a lot of daily Mass attenders are old ladies. (I'm hands-down the youngest in my parish.) And a lot of people can't make daily Mass times. But maybe you could make first Fridays... If you can't go to daily Mass but you're young-ish, hunt up a Catholic student organization (uni-level). Otherwise, like the others said, ministry, parish trips, and group retreats are the way to go. (Although, I've been a lector for about 8 months in my parish and haven't met a soul that way. Which is fine with me.)

In my parish, there seem to be "designees" whose unofficial job it is to talk up newbies. The woman who talked to me is one. They wait a while, so as not to make people feel uncomfortable, but eventually, they kindly introduce themselves and get to know you a little. Despite my own asocial tendencies, I do think this is important. Especially since a lot of people are driven to the Church by loneliness these days. That being said, you do have to take some initiative yourself...

EDIT: I am in a small country parish. If you're in a big city, most likely ALL the initiative will have to be yours. But then again, in a big city parish, there are TONS of opportunities to get involved [sigh...].

Edited August 19, 2012 by curiousing

[Gabriela]

What parish has a cafeteria in it?!

[MissScripture]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1345340105' post='2469915']
What parish has a cafeteria in it?!
[/quote]
The ones with attached schools do.

[4588686]

Catholics leave the Church because there is no God. I said it! I'm so controversial and edgy!!!!

[r2Dtoo]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345349405' post='2470013']
Catholics leave the Church because there is no [s]God[/s] coagulated milk to go with the wine at Mass. I said it! I'm so controversial and edgy!!!!
[/quote]
Oh look, I'm even more controversial and edgy!!!

[PhuturePriest]

I know one very traditional Priest in the Hutchinson (Kansas) area always greets new people at his parish, and the last time we went on our way out he shook our hands and asked us where we were from, what our names were, etc. It is was very welcoming and it is very needed, especially in our culture. I love meeting new people, especially Priests, and I like it when Priests take an interest in us. We can't go on acting like strangers. We're family. Families that treat each other like strangers are very unhealthy, and the Catholic Church that is made up of the adopted sons and daughters of God is no different. What is wrong with welcoming a new person to the parish and asking them to join your Bible study or something else like that? This is my personal opinion, of course, but I agree with Tim Staples in that we have a lot of good that we can learn from our Protestant brothers and sisters. I do think they overdo it sometimes, and they do sometimes put too much emphasis on being social, but we can learn a lot from them in this regard.

[KnightofChrist]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345349405' post='2470013']
Catholics leave the Church because there is no God. I said it! I'm so controversial and edgy!!!!
[/quote]

[quote name='r2Dtoo' timestamp='1345350251' post='2470018']

Oh look, I'm even more controversial and edgy!!!
[/quote]

[Img]http://s14.postimage.org/k1eod2t2p/PH2008042202883.jpg[/img]

[Skinzo]

Tab,
I agree with those who say to get involved in more activities at the parish than just socializing after Mass. It takes time for people to get comfortable with each other but if you keep trying I think you will be OK. Also, stop and talk to the pastor and see what he thinks. Volunteer to be an usher or lector if you can. That will give you some visibility. Just my little opinion.

S.

[MissyP89]

That made me think ...

At my parish, one of the priests stands at the back exit, and the celebrant and deacon will hang out in the gathering space after Mass. That way, they shake hands and speak with almost everyone that comes through. It helps them put faces to names, which I think is important, especially in a large parish.

[Clare~Therese]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1345340105' post='2469915']
What parish has a cafeteria in it?!
[/quote]

The National Basilica-Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington DC has a cafeteria in it. The make really good spicy chicken enchiladas.

Anyway, Tab'le, I would just reiterate what other people have said: try to get involved in parish-affiliated activities and stuff like that.

[jazzytakara]

I have had experiences similar when starting out at my new parish and I suffer from social anxiety so it is really hard for me to actively go out and meet new people. What helps me is just being patient and savour the small victories. Its hard to get to know everyone in a large congregation, so unless you sit with the same people everytime, you always end up sitting with different 'pew groups' so to speak. What helps me is chatting with people at the end of the service, relationships take time to form, but we just need to work at them. Another thing the priest at my old parish (I moved to another area) advised me when I was new to the parish he preached at was to become involved with various aspects of the congregation, volunteering and such. The secretary at my new parish advised the same. Join the choir, volunteer for children's liturgy, or offer to sell things for the parish (liturgical calenders, charity flowers, etc.). People will get to know you more in the small groups and when volunteering for something more involving of the whole parish everyone is given the opportunity to get to know you. Social events are also helpful when wanting to meet new people at your parish, but all in all, becoming a more active member is a great opportunity for networking, especially when new =)