I Can't Get A Sd... Help?

[Gabriela]

I live in the middle of Catholic-nowhere and, even though I've written two offices in my Archdiocese trying to get help finding a spiritual director, I've heard nothing back. I know that proximity to a SD is important, as it's ideal to meet in person, but that is just not possible in my location. Does anyone know if there are any SDs who work by Skype? I know there are Catholic therapists who do that. Here's hoping there are some SDs, too...

[Spem in alium]

I'm not sure of whether there are such SDs, but you will be in my prayers. I hope things work out.

[cmaD2006]

therapy and SD are different.

HOWEVER. To give you some hope ... I have a "2nd spiritual director."

To explain without getting everyone into a loop -- I met my spiritual director's spiritual director, and actually had a one-on-one meeting with him (with my spiritual director's approval).

From that one-on-one meeting, he actually said "talk to Fr. So-and-so (my s.d.) and ask him to give you my phone number, and call me whenever you need me."

So -- my spiritual director and I have an agreement. When the situation is such that I really need the advice of his spiritual director (especially in certain spiritual topics that my own spiritual director admits are not his forte), I go to his spiritual director.

This spiritual direction is via phone ... because the person is in another continent! And I do have to say this -- it has worked. The few times that I have had to make this 2nd contact, it has been very fruitful (one conversation left me in complete tears, completely moved, and completely converted ... after realizing mid conversation what the cruz of my sin was).

Moral of the story -- if there is a "spiritual connection" it will work, but I do think that the initial conversation does need to be in person. That's the one way you will know if you will be compatible.

I also do think that my story is completely a-typical. It is normally *not* recommended to have "two" spiritual directors, but in my case they are completely complementary (and I am quite open with my s.d. about the conversations I have with his s.d. -- *when* I can get a hold of his s.d., which is in and of itself quite rare).

Praying that you find someone nearby, and if not meet someone who will be willing to work with you via phone after an initial meeting

[emmaberry]

cmariadiaz: That is amazing! You are so blessed to have such good counsel..definitely an atypical situation, like you said.

curiousing: Right now, I get 'spiritual direction' through my letters/meetings with Mother Abbess of the community I am applying to. Of course, this is not the preferred method for a more permanent SD, and we both know it will only continue a) until my application is denied/accepted, and b) if accepted, only a couple months until my entrance.

I am not sure if you are contacting communities though, or even discerning. Are there convents/monasteries nearby? Often, they have a VD who is great about SD with the public....but that can depend on whether you are discerning. God bless!

[cmaD2006]

emmaberry: I just wanted to share the situation because you *can* get good counsel. Shoot -- I spent years at one point without a steady s.d., and it was tough. But when I have needed it the most, I have had one (and now, unbelievably, "two").

curiosing -- how about at a retreat house? There are retreat houses that offer spiritual direction. Some charge a per session fee, but may waive the fee depending on the situation. Praying for you.

[Gabriela]

There is nothing within hours of me. The closest monastery/convent is four hours away. And I don't even have a car. It's Skype or nuthin'. I wonder if a sister at a monastery I know would be willing to work by Skype... Would it be inappropriate to ask?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1345255775' post='2469476']
There is nothing within hours of me. The closest monastery/convent is four hours away. And I don't even have a car. It's Skype or nuthin'. I wonder if a sister at a monastery I know would be willing to work by Skype... Would it be inappropriate to ask?
[/quote]

Not at all. Some of my Sisters have Skype accounts. I've never chatted with them on it, but I know they have it. The worst they could say is "no" and then you're right back to square one.

[emmaberry]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1345255775' post='2469476']
There is nothing within hours of me. The closest monastery/convent is four hours away. And I don't even have a car. It's Skype or nuthin'. I wonder if a sister at a monastery I know would be willing to work by Skype... Would it be inappropriate to ask?
[/quote]

The apostles of Interior Life have been mentioned on VS recently. They seem like they might utilize Skype or other more modern tools to get spiritual direction to someone. I have heard that normally they work with college students, but could be wrong..and it doesn't hurt to ask!

[Chiara Francesco]

A wonderful PCC community I visited (as several other orders I've visited) don't require a SD or SD letter as they know many discerners can't find a good SD or any at all in their areas.

The Abbess also told me that they hadn't had a woman leave who they acted as their "SD" while the last few women who HAD SD's and letters ended up leaving! This was over the past 10 yrs or so. Of course, the Abbess and the other orders now the importance of an SD but I've found a lot of orders (PCCs, Carmels) that won't refuse an applicant if they didn't have one.

So you may find such a community like these. I myself can't find a SD and I live near a big city! There are few and they are filled so won't take on any more. The remaining ones nutty, liberal sisters or lay people and the priest in the vocations office and the abbesses/prioresses of orders I've talked do (as well as I myself would never go to one of these) say "NO" to these two types of SDs!

Some novice mistresses, abbesses/prioresses and the other sisters prefer their own SDing of discerners along with or without a priestly SD. Maybe not ideal but it's good many orders are seeing applicants not having SDs or, like me, had one years ago and then I moved to another state and now can't find another.

[OnlySunshine]

It's been so difficult for me to find a good SD after I gave up my first one. He was not trained in spiritual counseling so I learned practically nothing from his advice -- he often repeated what I had just said. Once he became busy, I realized that was the best opportunity I had to break things off. Since then, I've been without one but I've met with my pastor twice (at crucial times in my discernment) which has helped. I think I do better without one than with one. My Sisters haven't turned me away for lack of a spiritual director, either. St. Teresa of Avila said that it's better to have no spiritual director at all than a bad one.

[cmaD2006]

(I'm on my phone so it is not too easy to copy txt)

Chiara and others mentioned the use of a sd in a religious community. I think that is fine, UNLESS it is a community you are applying with. Especially if there is any chance that the sd will be in a position to be your superior.

There is a risk of abuse of the relationship if the person can be a superior.

In the ideal situation the sd knows the community well but is not in the community, nor does the sd influence the community in any way (ie in directly making decisions about allowing someone to continue formation, or entrance, etc)

It is one thing to write a recommendation letter (indirect), it is another thing to vote on a council for accepting a candidate (direct).

Again each circumstance is different, and each person should use his/her judgment. I just wanted to point this potential conflict of interest out.

[emmaberry]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' timestamp='1345442528' post='2470509']
(I'm on my phone so it is not too easy to copy txt)

Chiara and others mentioned the use of a sd in a religious community. I think that is fine, UNLESS it is a community you are applying with. Especially if there is any chance that the sd will be in a position to be your superior.

There is a risk of abuse of the relationship if the person can be a superior.

In the ideal situation the sd knows the community well but is not in the community, nor does the sd influence the community in any way (ie in directly making decisions about allowing someone to continue formation, or entrance, etc)

It is one thing to write a recommendation letter (indirect), it is another thing to vote on a council for accepting a candidate (direct).

Again each circumstance is different, and each person should use his/her judgment. I just wanted to point this potential conflict of interest out.
[/quote]

While this is true, I think we need to hash out what exactly we mean by spiritual direction. The Mother of the community I am applying to has been the ear of my recent doubts and vocational struggles, and we talk this over at my visits to the community. I thought this was the norm from what I had read in books and on VS..? Anyway, I don't think it puts her in a position to abuse me in any way. Also, I don't think Poor Clares vote on a postulant's entrance (may be wrong on this.) I always thought that Mother made the final decision on accepting a candidate for the postulancy.

It seems like you are speaking from a differing view of what an SD is than I am thinking of, and it also appears that you are implying long-time SD, not the couple of months agenda that I mentioned previously.

Your post worries me, though. How often are there cases of abuse by superiors who conduct SD for candidates to their community? If you asked Mother Abbess, I think she would tell you she is not even giving me SD, due to the brevity of our letters and visits, and the small amount of material we cover in that time. Still, like I said before, your post worries me.