Switching S. D.'s

[the171]

So, I haven't informed my SD yet, but I have decided to ask another priest to be my spiritual director. My original SD is super busy and I had lots of schedule conflicts.

How do you transition to a new SD? I have never had this experience before and it is a bit nerve-wracking, the thought of having to share the movements of your soul with a totally different person than you have previously.

[Spem in alium]

I am not sure of how best to do this, but I imagine it could be difficult. You will be in my prayers.

[carmenchristi]

well... I've never actually switched, but I recently made a directed retreat with a priest who wasn't my SD. I thought it would be hard and awkward, but it wasn't at all. So just pray to find the right person. I think that's the main thing.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Well, I would guess if your old SD is really that busy, it won't be a problem with him to switch, you can express why it is difficult for you to continue to go to him for spiritual direction, and I think he'll definitely understand. And if you have a new SD in mind, make an appointment, talk about why you wanted to switch, and then start at the beginning, even if it takes a few appointments. I do understand how nerve-racking it is to share your innermost spiritual struggles and triumphs with someone new.

I can't really give you a lot of advice as I personally am and emotional and spiritual basketcase (my poor SD...), but I'm here for you, you know that. And I'm praying for you always, you know that.

[cmaD2006]

I would see if your current SD is willing to see you in the interim while you look for a new SD. Sometimes it may take weeks, months, and yes years to find a new SD.

I was in a similar situation with my first SD. I moved over 300 miles away from him. So -- I started to look for a new SD. I spent years finding a new one. Everytime I'd think I'd finally find the right one, bam -- another move.

I spent from 2002 to 2005 without a steady SD, relying on my original SD occasionally.

And well, without going through the whole story (there's another thread where I think I posted the story), the last SD and I had a sudden parting of ways, and I must have spent about 6 months looking for a new one ... I ended up with my confessor as my SD.

Take your time with the searching ... and don't be afraid to break a relationship if it seems not to be working.

Finally, when you do find a new SD, start with now (what is going on, why are you seeking spiritual direction). He/She will probably ask you to say a bit about yourself, your family, etc. But it is a high level gloss over --- if you need to hit something specific it will happen in due time.

Hope this helps,

[Egidio]

In reality, most spiritual directors are not too concerned if their 'spiritual children' feel that they need a different director or even a different opinion. Of course it is not a good idea to go asking too many people advice, this almost definitely leads to confusion.

I think that it is better to let your old SD know, as a kind of professional courtesy, but otherwise i don't think it is of the highest importance, especially if your SD is super busy.

For an excellent treatise on how to choose a SD, look up what St Theresa of Avila has to say on the matter.


AVE MARIA!

[the171]

I already have a new SD. He is the school chaplain. It is just he transitioning that I am having trouble with.

No first appt yet.

[emmaberry]

I am a list person, so a list of all the important things I would need to go over in the first appointment or so would help me.
But beware, If you are not a list person, a list may make you nervous and/or you will read it off to your SD for the whole appointment like a robot.

Even if you aren't a list person, maybe ponder in adoration what made your last SD relationship fruitful, and how you can take those same principles with you to this new SD. I might bring up some positive memories from moments when you shared something personal with your former SD when you felt unsure/embarrassed about it, and how these moments ended up developing the trust in the relationship and helped you in your spiritual life.

Good luck! SDs are tricky, but the right one, being an instrument of God, can really bring about your holiness and encourage you in your walk.

[BarbTherese]

Understandable that thinking about sharing your soul with a person (priest) who is still to you a stranger as a person and as a priest raises anxiety - and even if you knew him in the first place. Quite normal I would think. Any sort of new situation can be anxiety raising. I would simply entrust it all to The Lord and when the appointment comes along just go along with the flow and if Father doesn't speak first, were it me I would state that I feel nervous and don't know quite where to start and can he help. The 'ball' then is in Father's court.
The first couple of appointments very often are about sharing your expectations with Father, and possibly his expectations too, and exploring if you can work together and usually you both will have some sort of an awareness after a few appointments.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

When you have your first appointment (which will be soon I hope!! ) I'd take a notebook. He'll be very understanding of the situation--I'm sure he had to transition to different SDs throughout his life, so he knows where you are coming from. He's also a really nice guy, from what I remember, so you will be fine. The Holy Spirit will guide him and be with you!

[cmaD2006]

Yep a notebook is important ... jot down what is important w.r.t. what you discuss.