My Conversion Story

[she_who_is_not]

I've been asked by phamily to share my conversion on phatmass several times, but I've always had difficulty putting it into words. Also, I didn't want anyone to admit what a gigantic, hardcore sinner I was. However, I felt convicted to put it into words today and share on this forum because I believe that someone needs to hear it. I don't know who or why but I'm not going to argue with the Holy Spirit.

My story starts in my senior year of college. I've never had a particularly close relationship with my parents. I grew up in a family that was deeply scarred by mental illness, alcoholism, infidelity and divorce. At 21, I was totally on my own. I had very little emotional support so I sought out ways to fill my emptiness. I was abusing alcohol, experimenting with drugs, and deep in sexual sin. One night, when I was drunk, some friends and I went to an all night chapel near campus and blasphemed in such a way I will probably never get over the shame. I was hanging by a thread: working 30 hours a week, running several student organizations, and trying to complete the requirements for the honors program. I was totally lost and I hit a breaking point. At my darkest moment, I went back to church, not really knowing what to expect. It kept me sane and it kept me from falling apart. As a child, I had been baptized and attended an Episcopal Church and I found the liturgy comforting and familiar. I kept going. I was curious about spirituality and religion on a superficial, intellectual level. I found another branch of knowledge to feed my over-inflated ego. Slowly, a part of heart which had emptied and become hard began to resurrect. I was ripe for a miracle and God reached out in mercy and invited me to come home.

A couple of things happened in April of 2005. I became interested with the Oxford Movement writers, particularly John Henry Newman. I was obsessed with the Real Presence and the revelation of Christ's presence in the Eucharist lit my soul on fire. I was attending a Sunday Eucharist service shortly after the death of John Paul II and I had a sudden inner knowing that I would be received into the Catholic Church. I believe that I received this grace through the intercession Bl. John Paul and I can't wait for heaven to find out why. He has interesting taste. I started praying the rosary. I started asking for the intercession of the saints, especially St. Catherine of Siena, St. Clare, and St. Therese. Mostly, because these were the only saints I was familiar with. I had a dream that I was being prepared to enter a vast room. There were several women helping me get ready and they placed a veil over my face and told me that it was not my time to take it off yet. As I entered the room, I felt such overwhelming peace. As I woke up, I again had an inner knowing, that I should enter the Catholic Church, and in mind I thought, "This is how it must feel to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

I entered RCIA. And when Easter came I couldn't make a profession of faith. My parents are on the extreme liberal side of the political spectrum and it was hard for me to accept some of the Church's teachings on life and family matters. As proof that God writes straight with crooked pencils, I am now a pro-life activist. It makes me laugh. I took RCIA three times before entering the Church. When I received the Eucharist for the first time, I experienced that feeling of peace I felt in my dream. It was a foretaste of heaven. Someday, I will come before Our Lord and experience that joy and peace for all eternity.

I'd like to say that from that moment on I became a perfect Catholic. However, sin is a habit and I still fall in my pride and my rebelliousness. However, His mercy is great and I take so much comfort knowing that God does not see who I was, He sees who I am and who I can be. If anyone is struggling with a feeling that you are worthless, that God does not want you, that you are beyond salvation, know that God will never stop pursuing you. Jesus wants you now. The way you are now. Please don't wait until you feel you are good enough for God. Go to Him right now and throw yourself in His mercy. You won't regret it. Please know that you are in my prayers.

OK, pham. Here's my conversion story. I am a weak, miserable sinner, but I am bold enough to claim the graces God has mercifully bestowed on me. I'd love it if others would also share their conversion stories. I have a feeling there are people lurking who need to hear us. God bless.

[HopefulBride]

SWIN,

How beautiful and how brave of you to share!! Thank you for showing such humility and openness to the Lord's urging. The fact that you were so dedicated to receiving the Eucharist and kept going through RCIA to prepare yourself for such a union with Our Lord brings me great joy and encouragement.

I will definitely keep you in my prayers and today I will pray for you in a special way as it is the feast day of one of your intercessory saints. You'll be in my intentions at adoration tonight

God Bless,
HB

[BG45]

SWIN! It has been truly a blessing to hear your conversion story (Tiber Swim Team 2009, represent!).

And that was an amazing story. That you did go through RCIA three times shows the level of honesty you had with yourself and the Church along the path you took during your journey. That God would set you on a path that lead you to become an activist with what you had trouble with is also just mind blowing, but wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing.

God bless,
BG

[Spem in alium]

What a fantastic, inspiring story. What a truly beautiful and brave testimony. Your words have touched my heart quite deeply.

Thank you so much for sharing this. May you be blessed always.

[Archaeology cat]

Thank you for sharing your story!

[she_who_is_not]

Y'all are so sweet. I should have added: This story has been brought to you through the prayers and encouragement of the phatmass phamily.

[OnlySunshine]

Bless you, s.w.i.n., for you beautiful testimony. I affirm you for your trust in Jesus' Divine Mercy. It is such a powerful mystery of God and I have developed a devotion to Divine Mercy over the years. I have written about my conversion story when I reverted to the Catholic faith on my blog. I was a cradle Catholic but it took a conversion of heart for me to take my faith seriously.

[url="http://myheartisrestless.blogspot.com/2012/07/part-one-my-beginnings.html"]http://myheartisrest...beginnings.html[/url]

[url="http://myheartisrestless.blogspot.com/2012/07/part-two-how-my-discernment-began.html"]http://myheartisrest...ment-began.html[/url]

My conversion is continuous. I am like you -- I am a very sinful person and I stumbled many times in the past 5 years after my reversion. But God's mercy is endless and I'm living proof that. It's like the song says:

[i]Great is your faithfulness, O God of Jacob. You wrestle with the sinner's restless heart. You lead us by still waters into mercy, and nothing can keep us apart![/i]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wN-fspKg1Q[/media]

Edited August 12, 2012 by MaterMisericordiae

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

God Bless you. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Lisa]

Wow! Praise God that you are home! Thank you so much for your courageous witness!!!

[EmilyAnn]

Your story is so inspiring, thank you so much for sharing it.