Spem in alium Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 A girl who went to my Catholic primary school recently announced her pregnancy. She's one of several girls I know who have become pregnant as unmarried teenagers. I congratulated her. In the past I've heard from a few people that it goes against belief to congratulate a person on their pregnancy if the person is unmarried. The argument goes that in congratulating them, we're contradicting our Catholic faith and our views against premarital sex. I think that's bollocks, frankly. In my view, congratulating someone doesn't necessarily mean you're showing agreement. While I don't agree with the circumstances of her pregnancy, it's still a big thing and I wish her the best, so I congratulated her. But hey, I could be wrong. Just interested in what others think and what's accepted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 My first thought would be that in our faith a child is a gift and a blessing - no matter the circumstances of conception. We do not blame children for their parents being unmarried or a second marriage or whatever. I don't think when you congratulate someone on a pregnancy you're saying "what a great job you did, having pre-marital sex and all". You're acknowledging that she has been blessed with a child, and like you said wishing her the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I would have trouble saying "congratulations." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) I think many people would find it difficult to say congradulations. But I think allong the lines of "how would Christ treat her". In that I know he would treat her with love and compassion. It is not our duty to judge a person but to love them and encourage them in the Faith. We need to leave the judging to God. There is a fine line between judging and encouraging someone in the faith, and it makes me realize where I have gone wrong when I shouldn't have judged someone. I would say you did the right thing. She probably needs love and compassion right now more than any other time. We need to be like children in our outlook on life; simple loving and kind. Edit: one more thing; we have all messed up in our lives so we shouldn't act as if we are better than everyone. We all depend on our merciful God to guide us through life. Sometimes people can get off the right path. But if we pray for them trust that God will do for them what he has allready done for so many. Love, hope and pray. Trust God in everything. Be simple. Edited August 9, 2012 by Annie12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Premarital sex is wrong, but new life is always holy, and our response should reflect that. We should also respect that the mother has chosen to keep her baby in a culture where abortion is so widely promoted, especially if she's young. It's a big decision that she's made. She made a bad choice in having sex out of marriage, but her choice now has been beautiful. We should have the same happiness about welcoming her and that new life as Elizabeth had in welcoming Mary (also an unmarried mother). God has a special plan for both of their lives; their potential for sainthood is as great as anyone else's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tally Marx Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) I haven't told a teenage girl congratulations on her pregnancy. This is mainly because I was never sure if they themselves saw it as something to be congratulated on. It wasn't as though they planned to become pregnant. I've found that an "Aw! A Baby! How precious! When are you due?" works well in the stead of felicitations, immediately followed by what names they like and what baby clothes they think they will want or need. It says, "This is going to be hard and might not seem wonderful now, but it will be in the end. And in the meantime I am here to help." so much better than just a congratulations. *Edited: If anyone asks, I am not an English Major* Edited August 9, 2012 by Tally Marx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 A 15-year-old I know now has a 6-month-old baby. I wasn't around when she announced her pregnancy, but saw her towards the end. I don't think I said congratulations, but offered whatever support I could, and have continued to offer that support. She's matured a lot since giving birth. She still has a ways to go - she's only 15, after all - but she's trying at least. So, "congratulations"? I don't know, but I do think that being positive with her when she chose to embrace motherhood is a good thing, even if the circumstances haven't been the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianthephysicist Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 [quote name='Tally Marx' timestamp='1344521257' post='2464986'] I haven't told a teenage girl congratulations on her pregnancy. This is mainly because I was never sure if they themselves saw it as something to be congratulated on. It wasn't as though they planned to become pregnant. I've found that an "Aw! A Baby! How precious! When are you due?" works well in the stead of felicitations, immediately followed by what names they like and what baby clothes they think they will want or need. It says, "This is going to be hard and might not seem wonderful now, but it will be in the end. And in the meantime I am here to help." so much better than just a congratulations. [/quote] Wow. So much beauty and love written here. I have so much to learn about this. Thank you. [quote name='Tally Marx' timestamp='1344521257' post='2464986'] *Edited: If anyone asks, I am not an English Major* [/quote] Don't sweat it. I have a bachelor of science in physics and a bachelor of arts in math and I have trouble with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. Don't even get me started on complicated things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 [quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1344522157' post='2464994'] A 15-year-old I know now has a 6-month-old baby. I wasn't around when she announced her pregnancy, but saw her towards the end. I don't think I said congratulations, but offered whatever support I could, and have continued to offer that support. She's matured a lot since giving birth. She still has a ways to go - she's only 15, after all - but she's trying at least. So, "congratulations"? I don't know, but I do think that being positive with her when she chose to embrace motherhood is a good thing, even if the circumstances haven't been the best. [/quote] I ran out of props. But you get one for this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 [quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1344511085' post='2464956'] I would have trouble saying "congratulations." [/quote] yeah, me too. i would probably ask if she needed anything, what the plans are for baby/school, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Yeah, what are you congratulating them on? Congrats on the pregnancy, or congrats on not terminating the life of her child? As far as Catholics go, sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin, no different than masturbation or skipping Sunday mass or a whole host of other 'mortal sins'. Pregnancy is a not a mortal sin as far as I know. Being pregnant outside of marriage is not a mortal sin, in and of itself. Sadly, if the mom chooses an abortion, in the eyes of Catholics, she'll commit 1 more mortal sin, but since it would be private, she wouldn't be subjecting herself to the ire of self-righteous Catholics. Sometimes you have to make the best of the situation you're in. Personally, as someone married to and deeply in love with a "bastard" as well as having a number of "bastard" family members (by blood or adoption), I'd congratulate her on her pregnancy and offer her some support whether she's keeping the child to raise or considering adoption. Luckily I don't worry about the 'Catholic' worry of sending the wrong message of condoning a 'mortal sin' if I'm nice to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 [quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1344498470' post='2464944'] A girl who went to my Catholic primary school recently announced her pregnancy. She's one of several girls I know who have become pregnant as unmarried teenagers. I congratulated her. In the past I've heard from a few people that it goes against belief to congratulate a person on their pregnancy if the person is unmarried. The argument goes that in congratulating them, we're contradicting our Catholic faith and our views against premarital sex. I think that's bollocks, frankly. In my view, congratulating someone doesn't necessarily mean you're showing agreement. While I don't agree with the circumstances of her pregnancy, it's still a big thing and I wish her the best, so I congratulated her. But hey, I could be wrong. Just interested in what others think and what's accepted. [/quote] i think the main thing is to support them (emotionally, spiritually, and if necessary financially) throughout their pregnancy, for their baby's sake and for the girl's sake, and especially so the girl will finish her high school education or get a GED. we can't just talk the talk of being a pro-life church - we've got to walk the walk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 [quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1344511085' post='2464956'] I would have trouble saying "congratulations." [/quote] I think I would, too. [quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1344501154' post='2464948'] My first thought would be that in our faith a child is a gift and a blessing - no matter the circumstances of conception. We do not blame children for their parents being unmarried or a second marriage or whatever. I don't think when you congratulate someone on a pregnancy you're saying "what a great job you did, having pre-marital sex and all". You're acknowledging that she has been blessed with a child, and like you said wishing her the best. [/quote] I agree with the sentiment behind this, but I still think "congrats" might not be the first thing I'd say. I'd probably be more inclined to go the route Tally described. "Babies are such a blessing." Inquire after how she's doing, morning sickness, baby names, etc. Be supportive rather than congratulatory, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I think I'd probably say congratulations, and have done so I'm sure. Already they're thinking, "How the heck am I going to do this?!" and a congrats can give a positive spin on the situation which brightens things for them. Honestly I tend to think the question of whether or not to say "congrats" or something else is only a matter of semantics. No one thinks a "congrats" means you condone premarital sex; it just means you're happy there's a precious baby in there. God's handiwork, despite the circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) [quote name='homeschoolmom' timestamp='1344511085' post='2464956'] I would have trouble saying "congratulations." [/quote] Same here. The most I could do would be to offer "best wishes" for the baby and then qualify it with "I wish it were under different circumstances". Edited August 10, 2012 by Norseman82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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