What Eight Miscarriages Have Taught Me

[tinytherese]

[size=4][font=courier new,courier,monospace][color=#000000]I found an inspiring article in The Word Among Us. Even though I've neither had a miscarriage nor even gotten married I found some helpful advice for other issues I've been going through and spiritual food for thought. This isn't the entire article, just what I liked from it.[/color]

[color=#000000][i]Angel Babies: What Eight Miscarriages Have Taught Me[/i] by Amy Roberts Greenhalgh [/color]

[color=#000000]“All my life, I had heard the phrase, ‘Children are a blessing from God.’ In my mind, that meant the more children you had, the more blessed you were. But if I could have only one child, where did that leave me? Were my husband and I not as blessed as families with many children? Perhaps I wasn’t worthy enough. Or maybe God didn’t love me as much as he loved other women. These questions haunted me for years.[/color]

[color=#000000]At the same time, I felt guilty because countless couples could not have even one child (90). ‘I should be counting my blessings,’ I told myself. Still I yearned for a baby.[/color]

[color=#000000]Surrender. After our third loss, I felt as if the wind had been kicked out of me. I was curled up in a ball on the floor of our bedroom, sobbing uncontrollably. Empty, exhausted, and out of ideas, I turned to God.[/color]

[color=#000000]Before this moment, I had prayed on countless occasions. My obsession with having a baby had become so all consuming, however, that I was just going through the motions. I didn’t want to rely on God, give him my burden, or seek his will—I just wanted him to fulfill my desire. On this day, though, I relinquished control.[/color]

[color=#000000]‘Please help me,’ I told God. ‘I don’t know what to do. I am so tired. I can’t fight anymore.’[/color]

[color=#000000]In the silence between my heavy sobs, I felt his reply: ‘That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. Surrender this to me. I will fight your battle.’[/color]

[color=#000000]That’s when it struck me that God alone is the author of life. I could go to the best doctors and take all the recommended fertility drugs, but if it was not God’s will for us to have another baby, then it wouldn’t happen. And if it was his will, nothing would stand in his way. A profound sense of peace came over me. A weight had been lifted—I felt free” (91).[/color]

[url="http://www.morninglightministry.org/"][color=#0000FF]www.morninglightministry.org[/color][/url]

[color=#000000]“In the years since our daughter was born, we had had five more miscarriages. I wish I could declare that I have gone through them with unwavering faith, but I consider myself a work in progress. Fear still creeps in, and sometimes grief overwhelms me, so I must consciously put my life in God’s hands every day.[/color]

[color=#000000]Going forward, I pray that I can allow God to lead the way. That is my ultimate purpose in life now: to trust in the Lord and seek only to do his will. It is a challenge, but one I can accomplish, with God’s grace.[/color]

[color=#000000]And in my moments of fear and sorrow, I focus on what I know for certain: God loves us more than we can imagine, and he is always with us. As odd as it may sound, the loss of my unborn children, heartbreaking though it is, has brought me an incredible awareness of God’s promises: ‘I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe, plans to give you a future full of hope’ (Jeremiah 29:11).[/color]

[color=#000000]Whatever happens, my heart will always hold a special place for my unborn babies—I know that they are part of my ‘future full of hope.’ When people ask me how many children I have, I am sometimes tempted to tell them the truth: I have ten children. Two are here with me on earth, and eight are in heaven with God” (92).[/color]

[color=#000000]Do you have a story about how God has worked in your life? Send it to us at [/color][email="editor@wau.org"][color=#0000FF]editor@wau.org[/color][/email][color=#000000].[/color][/font][/size]

Edited August 8, 2012 by tinytherese

[PhuturePriest]

That is a very good story. I mean, obviously having miscarriages is not good, but the story itself is good. On an unrelated but on-topic note, I am two months away from being sixteen, and yet I never knew my mother had a miscarriage until last Sunday, and I didn't even learn from my mother. She still doesn't know that I know. I can understand why she wouldn't want to talk about it, but I expect to know such important family matters. I didn't even believe my sister when she told me at first. Coming from a child's perspective, if someone has had a miscarriage, please be sure to let your children know. You should do it when they are ready to comprehend what you mean and to handle it properly, but if it had not been for my sister I never would have known, and that is not a nice thought. It makes me question about all the other things I don't know about.

[Lil Red]

She probably didn't tell you because it isn't your business.

[Vincent Vega]

Or, maybe it is your business, but not yet.
Contrary to what every 15 year old believes - and to what everyone older than 15 though when he was 15 - a 15 year old is not an adult. Neither is a 16 or 17 year old, or a lot of 18 year olds. Having been a 15 year old not too long ago, I've noticed that, with every passing year, in retrospect, I've been horrified at how immature I was the year before. Perhaps your mother had planned to tell you in the future, when you were old enough. I don't know. I do know that your mother is (presumably) at least twice your age, probably with years to spare, and she does in fact know better than you.

[missionseeker]

I didn't know about my mothers miscarriages until I was in my twenties. While I can understand where you are coming from, keep in mind that it is her grief to handle as best she can. It's not yours. And while you may feel that you deserve to know and wonder about other things - don't.

I didn't know about my mothers miscarriages until I was in my twenties. While I can understand where you are coming from, keep in mind that it is her grief to handle as best she can. It's not yours. And while you may feel that you deserve to know and wonder about other things - don't.

[Tally Marx]

FP, a miscarriage, in the words of my dad, is "Something that is always on your mind."
Imagine the pain of, every time you look at your children, knowing that there should be another one beside them. That's really hard. It is exponentially harder when people keep reminding you by talking about it. Some people don't mind it; I know a family who, when you ask how many siblings they have, even the smallest counts the six in heaven. But others, like most of the women in my family and, obviously, your mom, do not want to talk about it. It hurts too much. Don't ask about your mother's miscarriage. You will only cause her pain, and you have no right to do that. Just take it as a moment to thank God that you weren't the one who was lost, and leave it alone.

Edited August 8, 2012 by Tally Marx

[PhuturePriest]

Thanks, everyone. I understand now. I would debate about it not being my business, since after all one of my brothers/sisters died, and death in the family is always the business of the family, but I understand.

[PhuturePriest]

Oh, and on a side-note, I would really appreciate it if people would press "quote" when they are responding to one of my posts. I never know when a lot of people respond to me because they never do.

Edited August 8, 2012 by FuturePriest387

[hotpink]

I don't think teens/kids should know. My grandmom's best friend had a daughter, then ten years later a son followed by a second son when her oldest was 13.

My grandmom's friend had three miscarriages in between and didn't keep it a secret. Now years have passed. The daughter has 6 children the first boy has a child out of marriage and the youngest is becoming a priest.

The daughter has 6 kids the oldest is a girl who's 15 then another girl, followed by a girl and two boys....so children 15, 13, 11, 8, 5, 2. When they'res family things I sometimes think that there's friction in the family for those three children that my grandmom's friend lost. The 5 and 2 year old are both very much like their uncles...and the eldest girl very similar to her mother. That the loss is irrepriable and it plays on the mind of the youngest....who's my age. Not that I get being a priest but anyway. I think sometimes parents ask kids to carry thier own grief in a selfish way when the child could be spared the pain in childhood and adulthood.

[inunionwithrome]

I read that article. It was truly an inspiration!

[elizabeth09]

My mom had three miscarried. I still say they are part of the family, because they are still part of my life.

[Mark of the Cross]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1344388086' post='2464241']


[size=4][font=courier new,courier,monospace][color=#000000]In the silence between my heavy sobs, I felt his reply: ‘That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. Surrender this to me. I will fight your battle.’[/color][/font][/size]


[/quote]
I find that interesting. Usually when someone suggests that God 'talks to them' they get the old reaction. Yet the Bible is full of stories where people such as Abraham had regular conversations with God. I believe God speaks to us in many ways, through books including the Bible of course and through other people or events and yes sometimes directly. I also like the description of "I felt his reply" yes, God can put a thought directly into your mind, no need for language. Usually people such as her have to convert it to words to relate the story to other people. So if you wish God to talk to you then first you have to believe and have faith that he will like this lady obviously does. Great story!
[quote name='elizabeth09' timestamp='1344552503' post='2465212']
My mom had three miscarried. I still say they are part of the family, because they are still part of my life.
[/quote]
They certainly are! They are in heaven praying for you to spread the love of God that they were unable.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Mark of the Cross' timestamp='1344553686' post='2465229']
I find that interesting. Usually when someone suggests that God 'talks to them' they get the old reaction. Yet the Bible is full of stories where people such as Abraham had regular conversations with God. I believe God speaks to us in many ways, through books including the Bible of course and through other people or events and yes sometimes directly. I also like the description of "I felt his reply" yes, God can put a thought directly into your mind, no need for language. Usually people such as her have to convert it to words to relate the story to other people. So if you wish God to talk to you then first you have to believe and have faith that he will like this lady obviously does. Great story!

[/quote]

She doesn't appear to mean that she heard His audible voice, but that that's the message she received in her heart.

[Mark of the Cross]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1344563019' post='2465309']
She doesn't appear to mean that she heard His audible voice, but that that's the message she received in her heart.
[/quote]
Yes that's what I meant, I didn't mean audible, but hearing God in a spiritual way not a physical one. That's why I liked the description "I felt his reply" I tend to use the word mind instead of heart, maybe my mistake. Yes trusting that she did hear him in her heart.

[Annie12]

I have 8 siblings in heaven due to miscarages. I cant wait to meet them in heaven!