Engagement-wedding....does My Friend Have A Point

[Gabriela]

Well, I grew up completely without rituals and routines and boundaries and guidance of any sort myself. So I can relate to that. And that is, also, what drew me to Catholicism initially. But I did know about God, because I hunted Him down like the Hound of Earth that I have always been. I couldn't do without Him, even at a very young age.

Don't feel bad about just looking into the rituals initially. The beauty of Catholic rituals tells you a lot about the faith itself. And if the rabbis were right about anything (and I think they are right about some things), then maybe they're right about "doing" eventually turning into "believing". It was certainly true in my case. I went through the motions of religious rituals long before I knew what I believed—long before I believed anything, actually. But in going through the motions, I saw the wisdom in them—the divine wisdom—and I came to understand that the perfect match between religious rituals and fundamental human needs could only have been made by an all-knowing, all-loving, creator God.

So, I'd say, watch and learn until you want to participate. And when you want to participate, don't let not believing stop you. Participate anyway (as much as the Church will let you). And eventually, I'm betting—if I know my God at all—you'll believe. ;-)

That is, assuming you [i]want[/i] to believe. I certainly did!

[Lil Red]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344392759' post='2464292']
And by the way the sheets that I brought didn't fit on the bed.
[/quote]

is that a euphemism?

[4588686]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1344398677' post='2464353']

is that a euphemism?
[/quote]


Your feelings are wrong but tell me more so that I can solve your problems for you.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344398803' post='2464357']
Your feelings are wrong but tell me more so that I can solve your problems for you.
[/quote]

you can't handle my poo!!!!

[Lil Red]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1344393560' post='2464302']Hasan is definitely being mean.[/quote]

that's not very nice!

[4588686]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344393062' post='2464296']
Thanks for the Psy 101 lesson. But I'm interested in Catholics and the way they think. Not just girls. Maybe all of this is a girl problem but most of the other women that I know really like weddings and seem to want to make the most of it. But the things they don't do are like ask the father and that kind of stuff
[/quote]

It isn't a girl problem. It's a you problem. Your heart seems to generally be in the right place but you don't seem to be handling things well. As people have pointed out, none of these are really Catholic issues. They're just general traditions that people can follow or not at their discretion. The bigger issue here is your issue with communication. You seem to be taking her venting as an invitation to try to solve her problems for her or, even worse, as a licence to tell her that her feelings are wrong (which they aren't) and that she is therefore not ready yet to be married. That's even worse if she's not so much coming to you as you are prying and prodding. It seems like you're setting yourself up for some relationship (in the general sense) trouble here with this girl if you don't slow your roll and reevaluate where you fit in here.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344399489' post='2464368']
It isn't a girl problem. It's a you problem. Your heart seems to generally be in the right place but you don't seem to be handling things well. As people have pointed out, none of these are really Catholic issues. They're just general traditions that people can follow or not at their discretion. The bigger issue here is your issue with communication. You seem to be taking her venting as an invitation to try to solve her problems for her or, even worse, as a licence to tell her that her feelings are wrong (which they aren't) and that she is therefore not ready yet to be married. That's even worse if she's not so much coming to you as you are prying and prodding. It seems like you're setting yourself up for some relationship (in the general sense) trouble here with this girl if you don't slow your roll and reevaluate where you fit in here.
[/quote]

what the floopy dude?

why you getting all serious? so much more fun when you trollololololololol

[Vincent Vega]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344306855' post='2463769']
He's actually picking the flowers and the music (for both the ceremony and reception) he also narrowed down what he dosn't want in the readings. So he has alot of the input.
[/quote][quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344384290' post='2464214']
Interesting. So the real problem is not so much her bucking of tradition as her boyfriend's homosexuality.
[/quote]

For the record, if I were to get married, I would be in charge of the liturgical music also.

[4588686]

[quote name='USAirwaysIHS' timestamp='1344399916' post='2464375']
For the record, if I were to get married, I would be in charge of the liturgical music also.
[/quote]

[url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/122921-alright-who-wants-one/"]W[/url]hat woman could ever love you?

[Vincent Vega]

The easier question is what woman could ever NOT love me?
I'm so good looking that even other [i]dudes[/i] tell me that I'm attractive.

[4588686]

][quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1344399668' post='2464372']
what the floopy dude?

why you getting all serious? so much more fun when you trollololololololol
[/quote]

I'm jibbing to become the (heterosexual) sassy gay friend of phatmass. This is the point where I drop my sassy, take no the essence of cow exterior and try to make a human connection so as to both demonstrate to the audience that I'm actually a substantive character and move the action of the plot towards a pleasant conclusion.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344400795' post='2464387']
]

I'm jibbing to become the (heterosexual) sassy gay friend of phatmass. This is the point where I drop my sassy, take no the essence of cow exterior and try to make a human connection so as to both demonstrate to the audience that I'm actually a substantive character and move the action of the plot towards a pleasant conclusion.
[/quote]

tl;dr

[4588686]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1344400891' post='2464388']
tl;dr
[/quote]


beesh, please *sassy hand jesture*

[Amory]

[quote name='Maggie' timestamp='1344382305' post='2464195']
Catholic brides are never "given away" at weddings like they do in TV or movies. The parents really have no particular role at all in the marriage liturgy.[/quote]

Maybe brides haven't been given away at the Catholic weddings you've been to, but that contrasts sharply with my experience. The giving away of the bride has been a legitimate practice at Catholic marriage ceremonies both contemporary and historical.

The marriage ceremony has always been the most flexible of the sacramental rites, and local customs have always been allowed their place within the liturgy.

Furthermore, whether the practice of giving away a bride was pre-Christian or originated after the conversion of Britain to Christianity, the custom was part of pre-Reformation English wedding ceremonial. It wasn't simply permitted, but was actually part of the rubrics of the Sarum marriage rite.


[quote]The woman is now given by her father or a friend; if she be a girl, her hand is bare, if a widow, it is covered, which hand the man takes in God's faith to keep safe, as he has vowed before the priest; so he holds her right hand in his right hand. And the man then plights his troth by the following words, after the priest:
I N., take thee, N., to my wedded wife, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part, if holy Church will it ordain, and thereto I plight thee my troth.[/quote]

[url="http://nova-et-vetera.blogspot.com/2007/08/wedding-sarum-style.html"]http://nova-et-vetera.blogspot.com/2007/08/wedding-sarum-style.html[/url]

[Amory]

I'm also not so sure about the idea reflected in this thread that the cultural supplements to the wedding ceremony aren't important. Of course, things like the wedding dress and the reception are neither essential to the sacrament nor necessary for its validity, but that doesn't mean they lack significance.

Man is not just a spirit, but a body and a soul that are fundamentally united. As corporeal creatures, we need external reminders of the significance of the events we are undertaking. A special dress reserved just for the wedding is a great way to remind both the bride and the others at the ceremony that she is partaking in great sacrament--one that she in all likelihood will never be able to receive again. Similarly, a banquent with food, drink, and dance is a great way to celebrate the beautiful event that has just taken place and which will be consummated later that evening. The reception allows the whole community of family and friends to share in the joy of the of the spouses, a joy which will come to fruition in the propagation of the community though the marriage itself. After all, Christ Himself (if perhaps with some nudging from His mother) considered a wedding reception an event important enough to merit the performance of His first miracle.

Edited August 8, 2012 by Amory