Engagement-wedding....does My Friend Have A Point

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1344377040' post='2464152']
I will comment on the only thing I actually kind of care about from the opening post.

To get her father's blessing is very important. As Catholic Chastity Speaker Jason Evert says, her father loves her far more than this man ever could at this point. He has taken care of her, paid outrageous medical bills for her, supported her, and has (Hopefully) been willing to take a bullet for her since she was in the womb, not to mention all sorts of things I can't think about at this particular moment. ......
[/quote]

Not necessarily. Cases outside My. Evert's ideal are very common, even within Catholic communities.

The minister of the sacrament is the man and woman. (Not the priest, as I am sure many believe). Ultimately the decision is between the two of them and should be carefully discerned.

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1344377330' post='2464156']
I agree with you in most cases, including my own. My dad is all the things you listed in the beginning, and I know of other dads who are as well. But the truth is that not everyone's dad is going to agree with their daughter, even when she is right. What about girls with no dad? Whose dad left? etc. Or what about convert women who are marrying a devout Catholic, but her father is atheist? Obey your father and mother in all things that are not sinful.

Edit: I listed those situations because I personally know people who are in them.
[/quote]

Bingo. Couldn't have said it better myself.

[4588686]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344224501' post='2463300']
Ok. I'm a guy.

Yes I know my name is hot pink and no I'm not gay. It's an inside joke from my freshman year and the last sheets left at the bookstore cause you got to buy these special sheets for the dorm beds but anyway.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for clearing that up. For what it's worth those 'special' dorm sheets are almost certainly just normal sheets for a twin size bed.

[QUOTE]I know that we're less emotinal blah de blah de blah.[/QUOTE]

At any point in freshman year did you take maybe some sort of writing composition class? Some sort of class where you learned about plot structure or how to organize your thoughts in a coherent way?

[QUOTE]And this is truly my friend and not me. She's all wigging out and I told her she's nuts which was apparently not the answer she was looking for.[/QUOTE]

Pay very close attention starting at 5:20-5:30ish

LANGUAGE WARNING!

[url="http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-july-16-2012/louis-c-k-"]http://www.thedailys...2012/louis-c-k-[/url]

[QUOTE] She's someone I became good friends with while researching Catholocism for College years back. She's Catholic and does the whole "no sex before marriage" not living together deal. She's been dating this guy for oh I don't know like a year or more and they've talked about marriage. [/QUOTE]

Are you interested in her?

[QUOTE]He's a normal guy..you know...not jumping into things.

She's "in waiting" for an engagement ring.

But she really seems to hate all the traditional marriage stuff.

-She hates the idea of asking for her father's blessing. She's not that close with her family though they're all "good people" and finds it arcaic and insulting. He said it's a blessing and not permission. She is going to "allow" him to since it means so much to him but to me she's told me just how stupid she thinks it is.
-She loves surprizes but said that engagement shouldn't be a surprize. No decision ever should be. I kinda agree with this. But she's pulling some serious feminatzi croutons.
-She thinks the actual getting of a ring is also arcaic and that if she's going to wear one he should too. She asked for the cheapest ring she saw because she dosn't think highly of the tradition. I think she'll regret this.
-For a Catholic she dosn't seem to really value your whole Mass thing. She thinks its ridiculous to get all dressed up. I thought getting dressed up was manditory but apparently that's for like Baptists and Catholics women can wear pantaloons to church and stuff/
-She dosn't want a reception. She thinks that it's a waste of time to be in front of people even if it's only a few (her boyfriend and her want to keep the guest list to 30...parents, grandparents, sibs only plus a friend or two each). Her boyfriend has some idea but through hints so likely no idea.

[size=6][i][b]She's 25 and I told her maybe if she dosn't like all this stuff she's too immature to get married. Thaaaat didn't go over well.[/b][/i][/size] [/QUOTE]

What??? No poo. Color me shocked.


[QUOTE]HEEELPPPP!

Catholics lend me your thoughts.
[/quote]



HEEEEELLLPP with what?

1-How is this any of your business? Just because she wants to vent about her disagreements with her boyfriend does not mean she necessarily wants you to come riding in on a white horse and set everything right or that you have any role in this whatsoever beyond listening.

2-None of these are serious problems.

3-Just because she wants to be married to this guy doesn't mean that she has to want to have all of the traditional components to what you consider to be the correct way to structure a wedding. That doesn't make her immature.

Edited August 7, 2012 by Hasan

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' timestamp='1344382563' post='2464198']
Not necessarily. Cases outside My. Evert's ideal are very common, even within Catholic communities.

The minister of the sacrament is the man and woman. (Not the priest, as I am sure many believe). Ultimately the decision is between the two of them and should be carefully discerned.



Bingo. Couldn't have said it better myself.
[/quote]

I think you just like to disagree with me for the fun of it.

[4588686]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344306855' post='2463769']
He's actually picking the flowers and the music (for both the ceremony and reception) he also narrowed down what he dosn't want in the readings. So he has alot of the input.

[/quote]

Interesting. So the real problem is not so much her bucking of tradition as her boyfriend's homosexuality.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1344382816' post='2464203']
I think you just like to disagree with me for the fun of it.
[/quote]

That and the fact that I have more life experience which lends a different outlook to the issues at hand.

[morostheos]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344382695' post='2464201']
Thank you for clearing that up. For what it's worth those 'special' dorm sheets are almost certainly just normal sheets for a[u]n extra long[/u] twin size bed.
[/quote]

Fixed.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344382695' post='2464201']1-How is this any of your business? [b]Just because she wants to vent about her disagreements with her boyfriend does not mean she necessarily wants you to come riding in on a white horse and set everything right[/b] or that you have any role in this whatsoever beyond listening. [/quote]

and this is a fundamental disconnect between most guy/girl relationships - a woman venting just (usually) means that she wants to vent her anger/get her thoughts organized. most guys assume that when a woman vents to them, she needs that guy to "fix" something, which is not usually true, unless she says, "Hey, go fix me a sammich."

[4588686]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1344386813' post='2464228']

and this is a fundamental disconnect between most guy/girl relationships - a woman venting just (usually) means that she wants to vent her anger/get her thoughts organized. most guys assume that when a woman vents to them, she needs that guy to "fix" something, which is not usually true, unless she says, "Hey, go fix me a sammich."
[/quote]

Yes. My intuitive sense of the female mind is truly breathtaking.

[hotpink]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1344382695' post='2464201']
Thank you for clearing that up. For what it's worth those 'special' dorm sheets are almost certainly just normal sheets for a twin size bed.



At any point in freshman year did you take maybe some sort of writing composition class? Some sort of class where you learned about plot structure or how to organize your thoughts in a coherent way?



Pay very close attention starting at 5:20-5:30ish

LANGUAGE WARNING!

[url="http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-july-16-2012/louis-c-k-"]http://www.thedailys...2012/louis-c-k-[/url]



Are you interested in her?



What??? No poo. Color me shocked.






HEEEEELLLPP with what?

1-How is this any of your business? Just because she wants to vent about her disagreements with her boyfriend does not mean she necessarily wants you to come riding in on a white horse and set everything right or that you have any role in this whatsoever beyond listening.

2-None of these are serious problems.

3-Just because she wants to be married to this guy doesn't mean that she has to want to have all of the traditional components to what you consider to be the correct way to structure a wedding. That doesn't make her immature.
[/quote]

You're kinda mean aren't you? I'm trying to understand you religion.

And by the way the sheets that I brought didn't fit on the bed.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344392759' post='2464292']
You're kinda mean aren't you? I'm trying to understand you religion.

And by the way the sheets that I brought didn't fit on the bed.
[/quote]
Hasan isn't actually Catholic. He just hangs out here.

[hotpink]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1344386813' post='2464228']

and this is a fundamental disconnect between most guy/girl relationships - a woman venting just (usually) means that she wants to vent her anger/get her thoughts organized. most guys assume that when a woman vents to them, she needs that guy to "fix" something, which is not usually true, unless she says, "Hey, go fix me a sammich."
[/quote]

Thanks for the Psy 101 lesson. But I'm interested in Catholics and the way they think. Not just girls. Maybe all of this is a girl problem but most of the other women that I know really like weddings and seem to want to make the most of it. But the things they don't do are like ask the father and that kind of stuff

[Cherie]

Hmm. Maybe all that is just her way of making a "statement" against the puffed up and ridiculous wedding industry. If she really feels that way, fine, but I think she should try to make some well-meaning compromises if her soon-to-be fiance likes some of the more "traditional" things, just as he should make some compromises for her, as well. Good practice for marriage, except after marriage these decisions are much more serious and important!

[4588686]

[quote name='hotpink' timestamp='1344392759' post='2464292']
You're kinda mean aren't you? I'm trying to understand you religion.

And by the way the sheets that I brought didn't fit on the bed.
[/quote]


If I were really mean I'd just encourage you to continue to butt into her issues with her boyfriend and dismiss her reservations as immature. I'm not mean, I'm gruff. Like a lovable but cantankerous old drunken coach that you persuade to come out of retirement to lead your highschool football team of misfits to nationals.

[Gabriela]

Hasan is definitely being mean.

But back to the OP: I'm kinda' surprised no one's mentioned this yet, but why, exactly, is she venting to you and not talking these things out with her boyfriend? If they're seriously considering marriage (together or separately), don't you think these are things that they ought to be talking about? I mean, these are the seeds of serious differences in outlooks on life and marriage that could lead to major marital problems. At least, that's what it sounds like to me. And she's bringing these problems to you, not to him. That, I think, is immature. It's a behavior pattern that, if carried into marriage, could cause serious trust issues between her and her spouse.

Am I wrong here, PMers?

As for getting the father's/parents' permission, I think it really depends on the family. I got engaged to a Norwegian once who called my father up from Israel to ask his permission to marry me. My father replied sleepily, "Geez, I don't know. What did she say?" Of course he hadn't asked me yet. So he didn't know what to respond. Oops. ;-)

Then, however, when we presented the news to his family, they raised such hell that the engagement was eventually broken off. Because of parents.

So, it can go either way... Know the parents, and act accordingly. That's my advice.

(Don't take anything I say as any kind of "official Catholic view" or anything. I've been Catholic all of four months.)

Edited August 8, 2012 by curiousing

[hotpink]

[quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1344393560' post='2464302']
Hasan is definitely being mean.

But back to the OP: I'm kinda' surprised no one's mentioned this yet, but why, exactly, is she venting to you and not talking these things out with her boyfriend? If they're seriously considering marriage (together or separately), don't you think these are things that they ought to be talking about? I mean, these are the seeds of serious differences in outlooks on life and marriage that could lead to major marital problems. At least, that's what it sounds like to me. And she's bringing these problems to you, not to him. That, I think, is immature. It's a behavior pattern that, if carried into marriage, could cause serious trust issues between her and her spouse.

Am I wrong here, PMers?

As for getting the father's/parents' permission, I think it really depends on the family. I got engaged to a Norwegian once who called my father up from Israel to ask his permission to marry me. My father replied sleepily, "Geez, I don't know. What did she say?" Of course he hadn't asked me yet. So he didn't know what to respond. Oops. ;-)

Then, however, when we presented the news to his family, they raised such hell that the engagement was eventually broken off. Because of parents.

So, it can go either way... Know the parents, and act accordingly. That's my advice.

(Don't take anything I say as any kind of "official Catholic view" or anything. I've been Catholic all of four months.)
[/quote]

She's talking to her boyfriend.but she also talks to me. Ok, like I said before I pry and question alot, too. Maybe that's bad on my part. I've been into learning about Catholocism and I pretty much only ask about things that focus on religion and it's rituals. I didn't grow up with any sort of rituals...even monday night foot ball or something....there was school on some days and then a couple of days off and sometimes more than others. We didn't do christmas or easter or anything. People do whatever for getting married. I can't say I'm an athiest because that would indicate that I believed in something...I just never knew about God...I guess. I don't know why It just wasn't part of my reality