carmenchristi Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 So, I'm not sure I want to get back into dating again... but I have a question in the eventual case that I might decide to do so. I met this guy online (please no lectures about how bad that is... I'm old enough to know I have to be careful), and so far he seems like the kind of guy that might merit a date. For now we are just exchanging e-mails then maybe we will move on to a friendship. We've only exchanged emails once. In my message, I told him that I was Catholic and that my faith is a very important part of my life, in all aspects and that he had to be OK with that if we were going to get to know each other. He responded and said that he was co.ol with that, and he likes Catholics. So what's the question right? He started his message to me with +JMJ at the top, but never actually said he was Catholic. So... my first thought is that it was some sort of hidden quiz to see if I would pick up on it and say anything. But then it occurred to me that such a thing would probably be way too complicated for a guy and is most likely an invention of my female brain. So should I ask him why he starts his e-mails with +JMJ, or should I play along? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Ask him. Not only about the jmj thing, but about his relationship with Christ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Hmmm... my first thought is that he either is catholic, was catholic or researched it on the internet to catch your attention... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Ask him! I second what Bro Adam said. You gotta know what his relationship with Christ is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 How did you "meet" him online - a dating site? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 do any lutherans do that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Sixpence, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carmenchristi Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 [quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1343398385' post='2459308'] Ask him... about his relationship with Christ. [/quote] Well... I know that is important to know, but I think talking about one's relationship with Christ is something you would discuss after actually meeting the person. Remember if I do meet him, it wouldn't necessarily be a "date". To me, it's more something that you observe than something you talk about. At this stage I'm considering if I should ask him if he is Catholic... I'm concerned that I might be coming on too strong. Even if he [i]is, [/i]I wouldn't want him to think that I'm already measuring him up to my list of qualities to look for in a marriage partner! 1. He seems like a nice guy and we hit it off = qualification for a friendship = go to the movies etc... 2. all of the above + he is Catholic and cares about his faith= qualification for a spiritual type friendship, possibly dating 3. all of the above + he has a deep relationship with Christ (plus other stuff too)= qualification for serious relationship But what do you guys think of that.... I haven't had much experience dating. I had one (pretty ridiculous) relationship before entering the convent, so I'm kind of trying to get some perspective on how things would work for me if I actually [i]do[/i] decide to start dating. I also have to keep in mind that if I'm going to start looking for a husband, I don't really have a lot of time to fool around since I'm headed towards 30. [quote name='Annie12' timestamp='1343402154' post='2459319'] Hmmm... my first thought is that he either is catholic, was catholic or researched it on the internet to catch your attention... [/quote] Yeah... my thoughts exactly... I'm wondering which it was. [quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1343402509' post='2459321'] How did you "meet" him online - a dating site? [/quote] Yeah... it was a dating site... sorta... but it was one of those free ones... I'm too cheap and not serious enough to actually pay money for a website lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 [quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1343408855' post='2459342'] Well... I know that is important to know, but I think talking about one's relationship with Christ is something you would discuss after actually meeting the person. Remember if I do meet him, it wouldn't necessarily be a "date". To me, it's more something that you observe than something you talk about. At this stage I'm considering if I should ask him if he is Catholic... I'm concerned that I might be coming on too strong. Even if he [i]is, [/i]I wouldn't want him to think that I'm already measuring him up to my list of qualities to look for in a marriage partner! 1. He seems like a nice guy and we hit it off = qualification for a friendship = go to the movies etc... 2. all of the above + he is Catholic and cares about his faith= qualification for a spiritual type friendship, possibly dating 3. all of the above + he has a deep relationship with Christ (plus other stuff too)= qualification for serious relationship But what do you guys think of that.... I haven't had much experience dating. I had one (pretty ridiculous) relationship before entering the convent, so I'm kind of trying to get some perspective on how things would work for me if I actually [i]do[/i] decide to start dating. I also have to keep in mind that if I'm going to start looking for a husband, I don't really have a lot of time to fool around since I'm headed towards 30. [/quote] I'm completely biased, but I found that every relationship I had where I was thinking about whether or not this person is dating material crashed and burned. The relationship was all about "dating" and the societal expectation of 'dating'. When I started thinking in terms of friendship - that could become something more, it worked a lot better. And I married my best friend. I think it can be very intimidating to judge whether or not a person would make a good girlfriend or boyfriend, but a lot more relaxing figuring out if a person would make a good friend. I think you probably know best if it would come off as too strong to ask if a person is Catholic or not. There is nothing wrong looking for friends online. Some of our members here met online and are happily married with children. When you spend a lot of time with someone you can really start to discern whether or not they would be healthy for you as something more than a friend. And often times, the progression is very natural to the point where you start to wonder why you aren't married to them. Or the other way when you realize there is no way it would work out even before seriously dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fides' Jack Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 No. Let the guy ask [i]you [/i]out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Meet him in a public place, meet him in a public place, meet him in a public place, meet him in a public place, meet him in a public place. He's trying to gain your confidence. If he didn't say that he's Catholic then he's probably not given that he obviously wants to get in on your good side and thinks the religious angle is a good one. That doesn't mean he's a creeper or anything but you should always be cautious in situations like this. And yes, just ask him. Edited July 27, 2012 by Hasan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carmenchristi Posted July 27, 2012 Author Share Posted July 27, 2012 Thanks Adam.... that's really good advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Even just saying "I noticed you used JMJ+, are you Catholic too?" can't hurt anything. Friendship or not it certainly doesn't hurt to make an observation and ask a simple polite question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 [quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1343412676' post='2459375'] Thanks Adam.... that's really good advice! [/quote] You misspelled my name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 [quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1343415918' post='2459400'] You misspelled my name. [/quote] Don't hate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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