For Everything

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Well, everything has hit what a young girl like me would consider rock bottom. My medical stuff is insane, need I say more. We still don't know what's wrong.

I feel as though this illness is ruining several of my friendships. As one moved away recently, one found herself occupied with a needy guy who she thinks is right for her, one is sincerely trying to help me, but I fear I'm going to loose her for several reasons, which is a scary thought at this point because I'm hanging on to everything I can. Which in some ways is unhealthy I suppose. Another one of my friends is dealing with some serious issues of her own, and my best friend is just not around. Nobody but those people know the whole thing and I don't want to use any of them. I really feel I have and have been relying on them too much, and I'm so scared to lose any of them.

I've put my discernment on hold after much thought and prayer about it. I've decided that it's what's best for me right now. I need to discern God's will in the present moment and know myself in the present moment before I can discern God's will for my future.

I have anxiety problems, and I've had them under control for almost four years now, and once this ordeal got bad, I stopped managing them. I found out this morning that I've been having optical migraines caused by stress, and that has been very difficult, although, I'm glad we can explain the eye issues now.

I have considered several times taking time off Phatmass for a while, but I am not sure. I need to be relying on God more, but at the same time, I need people.

I'm going to be 14 next month, and I never imagined in my life that 14 would be like this.

Please pray.