Contraception

[Guest Guest]

I don't know exactly how to explain this... I am a new Catholic. Prior to our reconciliation, my dh and I used birth control (although not the pill or other hormones-- not that it matters but stay with me, ok?).

Our two children were conceived when we were "trying" to have children, ie we weren't using bc at that time.

However, since becoming Catholic, we now see the error of our past and no longer use artificial contraception. However, I still have guilty feelings about this. Like we had too much of a hand in creating our family. While we were using it, I didn't see it as a sin. Now I know better, but I still feel guilty. I mean, I wouldn't trade my kids in for a different set or anything, but did I hijack God's plan? Is that possible?? I guess my question is should I feel this way? I've mentioned it in confession and was told not to worry about it. My husband tells me to move on. Thoughts?

[BLAZEr]

The feelings of remorse that you have about your past sins are perfectly normal. It's common to feel regret for the time that you "wasted," before you came to your relationship with Christ through the Church's teachings.

I can only offer two thoughts on this:

First, I think that it is healthy for you to try to understand that your past sins also serve as a way for you to encounter Christ. You cannot give thanks for the salvation you have received in Christ without also recognizing the magnanimous gift that Christ has given you by coming to you, even in the midst of your sin. He comes and chooses you and brings you to life because he loves in spite of the sins of your life. Your response to turn away from sin is in gratitude to his gift.

Second, you need to find a way to "confess" this sin more concretely for yourself. You've already been absolved for this sin through Confession, but maybe you carry some of the psycholigical baggage of this sin, inspite of the mercy of the Confessional. One way to help heal that is to do some concrete act that might help you to feel that you've repaired that wrong in your past. In this way you can think of St. Augustine . . . he too felt guilty for his past sins. This is why he wrote "The Confessions." For him it was a concrete way to "make up" for his past sinful life. On the Rachael's Vineyard retreat, where woman who have had abortions go to heal, the retreat gives woman a concrete way to heal from their abortion by giving them a doll that represents their dead child for the weekend and allowing them to tell their baby the things they've always regretted not being able to say.

These are just two ideas. At the bottom of it all, you have been forgiven and absolved of this sin. You are free, quite literally. We all feel (or, I hope, should feel) some guilt for our past sins. However, it can become sinful for us to obsess over this past sin as if it was so heinous that you don't trust God's mercy. It also can be a sign of our pride to not be able to humbly let go of our sins.

God Bless, I'll pray for you!

[Carson Weber]

Your lingering sorrow for your sin should be dealt with by doing penance. I suggest reading paragraphs 1430 through 1439 in the Catechism of the Catholic Church for examples of penance.