Friends Suicide

[Fire*Starter]

I'm a regular phatmasser but I needed some anonimity to deal with this.

Last month June 10, a good friend of mine killed herself.
she was almost 24...I'm 26
Quick answers
-no, she wasnt particularly depressed
-no, I'm not going to "do it" too
-no, she didnt leave a note
-no, I cant know what she was thinking but I do know alot
-why? because years ago we went through something together so we talked
-then why? She missed her dad. He died in an "accident" when she was almost 13. She saw him as security. His absense (before and after his death) lead to her being abused and feeling insanely guilty over a situation out of her hands.

We were close as two cross country friends could be when one is dirt poor and the other is an adventure seeking vagabon.

I have alot of wishes. I wish I could of seen her. I wished i could of talked to her more about the bb gun that "accidentally" fired through her thigh two years ago. I wish i could of gotten her to visit me. I wish God fixed her life.

I'm just sad and i need comfort.

[homeschoolmom]

I'm so sorry.

[Fire*Starter]

Thanks hsm.

A month later im still struggling terribly. I cry almost every day when some small thing reminds me of her...and im not a crying type.

Im stuck in the new-job no insurance conundrum...priest was no help and a counceller who did me a favor and talked to me told me i was normal. Sadness would pass. But it hasnt.

Somehow...its so much worse that she killed herself...than any other death. Even my uncle's 4 month battle with pancreactic cancer (ok one day, dying the next) or my other uncle's brother dying in a car wreck.

[Ed Normile]

Remember, Jesus promised us " Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted "

You live avross the country from her family, I assume her mother is still alive. Why not set down and write all the good things about your friend, include the good times you had together, the adventures and misadventures you had together and the ways you will miss her and the reasons she will never be truly gone from your life and get a stamp and send it to her mother. It would be uplifting to you keeping her memory alive and probably very welcomed by her mother.

ed

[Fire*Starter]

Her mom (and her sister) and I are FB friends. I gave her my phone #...and weve talked.

Yet i always end up feeling worse because her mom tells me stuff...what I did for my friend...that i never realized. Like I taught her how to sew...and she made almost all her clothes from then on. I never knew it because my friend never mentioned it. But she had told her mom.

Feeling insignfigant in my friends life was ok by me. But the more I learn the more I feel rotter.

[cmotherofpirl]

Chronological time means nothing to the heart, so one month is not a long time to grieve for someone very important to you. Be gentle with yourself. God understands your pain. You can never know what went through your friend as she made this decision, entrust her to the loving mercy to God.

[BarbTherese]

Suicide can be terribly hard on those who remain - terribly hard indeed and moreso than any other kind of departure from this life. And do know that the Loving Mercy of The Lord is far more than we could ever imagine. It is infinite, and without beginning nor end. He both understands with Love and Compassion your friend's reasons and state of mind at the time - and your own lingering grief and pain.
Kept in prayer.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

the cataechism of the holy roman catholic church uses the main example of fear of hardship as the reason for suicide. Your country supposedly is in economic collapse. Money is not GOD. Never loose hope be perfect like the father is perfect because he is always hope ing for each and everyone of us, despair is our enemy.

[Fire*Starter]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1341975589' post='2454561']
Chronological time means nothing to the heart, so one month is not a long time to grieve for someone very important to you. Be gentle with yourself. God understands your pain. You can never know what went through your friend as she made this decision, entrust her to the loving mercy to God.
[/quote]

I'm trying. I've started a new, much desired job. Yet I find it hard to manage being social. No, I dont know what she went through but having shared some deep times including her telling me why she would years ago. And me adding my own bit in. Yeah. Pathetic.

I feel like I grew up and she didnt.

[Fire*Starter]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' timestamp='1341995477' post='2454608']
Suicide can be terribly hard on those who remain - terribly hard indeed and moreso than any other kind of departure from this life. And do know that the Loving Mercy of The Lord is far more than we could ever imagine. It is infinite, and without beginning nor end. He both understands with Love and Compassion your friend's reasons and state of mind at the time - and your own lingering grief and pain.
Kept in prayer.
[/quote]

thanks. I would just like to enjoy the nice things in my life and I feel I just cant.

[Fire*Starter]

[quote name='Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye' timestamp='1341996318' post='2454609']
the cataechism of the holy roman catholic church uses the main example of fear of hardship as the reason for suicide. Your country supposedly is in economic collapse. Money is not GOD. Never loose hope be perfect like the father is perfect because he is always hope ing for each and everyone of us, despair is our enemy.
[/quote]

while she was the vagabon she was a trust fund baby she was always pretty smart about her money because she knew it came from her dad and wanted him to be proud of what she spent it on.

I'm the poor one who's spent the last 4 years in a full-time salary job forced to work 50-60 hrs living under the poverty line if you minus out my student loans. My new job helps considerably. Normal 40 hr week and better pay. Needless to say cross country airline tickets were (and still are) out of my grasp.

Americas "economic colapse" is a misnomer. While a few good people have lost jobs its mostly in Americas heads. There are so many jobs Americans just dont want to do (like lower paid ones) and that they cant do (like engeneering). Hiring is a nightmare. Little 18yo fresh out of hs expect $10 an hour. College students scoff at $15, even for a first job! In my new job 500 people applied....but only 25 were remotly qualified....and all thats needed is good customer skills and a bachelors!!!!

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='Fire*Starter' timestamp='1342002809' post='2454613']
thanks. I would just like to enjoy the nice things in my life and I feel I just cant.
[/quote]

Probably your grieving is preventing you enjoing the good things your your life and a completely normal component of grief very often. Prayer that your grief will soon be resolved and the good in your life come into the fore. While the memory of your friend will always return from time to time.

[Papist]

Very sad. I would not beat my brain thinking why. But pray for her soul and trust in God's mercy. I suggest you go talk to a priest. God bless you.

[BarbTherese]

Grave fear of hardship is one reason only mentioned by the CCC as a potential reason for suicide and one of the reasons only for potential diminished responsibility. There is no mortal sin possible if responsibility is diminished.
[b]2282 [/b]......................."................Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide."

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Fire*Starter' timestamp='1342002719' post='2454612']
I'm trying. I've started a new, much desired job. Yet I find it hard to manage being social. No, I dont know what she went through but having shared some deep times including her telling me why she would years ago. And me adding my own bit in. Yeah. Pathetic.

I feel like I grew up and she didnt.
[/quote] Not pathetic. Normal. You last line is the most important. We have enough guilt for things we do wrong, take this one of your list.