Needing Prayers- An Explanation

[AnneLine]

Praying for you FCC. Thank you for not wanting to inflict yourself on others... but we all need community, too.... and one of the things about community is you need to be able to just be honest with how you feel and your fears.

I hope we can be community for you... and I hope you get some humans that are closer to your part of the world, or someone you can talk to on the phone or in person. Everybody needs that now and then... even Jesus had his special friends... over and over we see 'Jesus took Peter and James and John......' What a wonderful thing to be the special friend of Jesus! And Mary reached out to her Cousin Elizabeth when she needed somone who could understand what was going on with her! So you are in very good company!!!!

I think you are are well within your rights to want someone to talk to right now... or just to be with. Reaching out for some human support in no way means you aren't trusting God or that you aren't open to His will... it just means you are... human. Just as human as Jesus and Mary. And we wouldn't interact with you if you weren't!

I'm not able to be on PM as much as I would like these days (my Mother in law is ill), but I will pray very specially for you and for the strength and courage and support you need when I am at Mass today.

[i<3franciscans]

FCC, I know we can't talk face to face, but if you ever need to vent, I am here for you... no pressure though. Praying for you as always.

[i<3LSOP]

Prayers Claire, lots and lots of prayers.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Thank you all so much.

Praise God, we got me in for an earlier rheumatologist appointment - this Thursday. I am eager to see how it goes. Vacation this past weekend was really nice. A nice break from this crap for a while. You know?

[Archaeology cat]

Glad they got you in so quick. At one point they thought my brother had rheumatoid arthritis, but it ended up being something different. But that's beside the point. The point is that I will pray.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1341875546' post='2454108']
Glad they got you in so quick. At one point they thought my brother had rheumatoid arthritis, but it ended up being something different. But that's beside the point. The point is that I will pray.
[/quote]
Yeah, my rheumatoid factor actually came back normal. So that's good.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

For me, I think one of the hardest parts is re-adjusting the way I live to meet this issue, in an attempt to not be in pain. Not being able to help out as much as usual has been harder than I thought.

Last week I was very depressed about it and sleeping in late every day in an attempt to make my days shorter. But after reading one part of my Mother Angelica book (the same part, EVERY NIGHT), I realized that it doesn't matter how I'm suffering, only the fruit of the suffering. And I need to be a strength for others. And I think I'm finally ready to do that now.

[MissyP89]

What book are you reading, Claire? I have Mother A's lessons for everyday living (too lazy to look at the title, haha) on my nightstand and have been reading little bits of it for years now. She's wonderful.

Will read a couple quotes tonight and pray for you.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Please pray. I went to a funeral Mass today and I found out (the hard way) that I can no longer kneel for communion. It hurts so bad to get up. And soon after the funeral, I started seeing a black spot in my vision. Idk what's happening to me. I've been doing so much better emotionally even though physically I am going downhill. I don't want to be depressed again. Please pray.

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1341898728' post='2454267']
What book are you reading, Claire? I have[b] Mother A's lessons for everyday living[/b] (too lazy to look at the title, haha) on my nightstand and have been reading little bits of it for years now. She's wonderful.

Will read a couple quotes tonight and pray for you.
[/quote]
That one.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I am so thankful for all the prayers that have been going up for me by those I do know and those I don't know. And the Phatmassers!

Please pray for me especially tomorrow during my rheumatologist appointment.

Had a lovely evening with my dad (wise beyond belief), and had some encouragement and distraction as well. Praise God.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

My dad told me yesterday not to let this define me. Well apparently it is now, and I can't stop it. People spread rumors that I either had Lyme Disease or CANCER! Because they "didn't know what it was". Seriously? I don't expect to know what it is for another month. But I'm not getting my hopes up. Whole new level of invasion of my personal life.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1342131280' post='2455137']
My dad told me yesterday not to let this define me. Well apparently it is now, and I can't stop it. People spread rumors that I either had Lyme Disease or CANCER! Because they "didn't know what it was". Seriously? I don't expect to know what it is for another month. But I'm not getting my hopes up. Whole new level of invasion of my personal life.
[/quote]
That's not razzle dazzle. But your dad is right. And just because other people are letting it get in the way of seeing you as a whole person doesn't mean you have to, too. You're definitely more than an unknown illness. You're more than just the pain and the symptoms. You're more than just a doctor's appointment.I hope I'm not being preachy, I just don't want you to forget that there is more to who you are than being sick. I wish I could give you a big hug!

On a little bit different note, it's kind of weird that they jumped to Lyme disease or cancer, because when my mom had Lyme disease when I was a baby, it took over a year for her to be diagnosed (someone didn't run the test three months into her illness when the doctor ordered it and no one noticed until 9 months after that, and it wasn't nearly as common as it is now) and several of my dad's co-workers were positive that it was going to turn out to be cancer.

[emmaberry]

Praying for you FCC! Your willingness to suffer is doing so much good, even though we can't see the effects of it now.

I hope you get an accurate diagnosis. For years my little brother and sister were constantly sick with strep throat and fever...every medical doctor said they should, "Run around more." Went to the homeopathic doctor and they were cured within a couple weeks. Not to discount doctors at all, but they really didn't know what to do with my sick little siblings. Anyway, I saw how upset my mom became when her little kids were so sick and nobody could give them a diagnosis. I will be praying for your parents as well, as I am sure your illness is hard on them.

God bless!

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Incredibly stressed and scared. I have been dreading every time I go to Mass. I sobbed my way through today's Mass. Then afterwards I got lectured by a liberal nun, but that is beside the point (plus I was kind of excited by that). My Deacon is amazing, and he kept making eye contact with me during Mass, and the only people I looked at most of Mass were Jesus and Deacon. He's a bit of hope in a sea full of people worried about me and defining me. He's comfort in an incredibly rough spot. After Mass I went over to him, he gives me a big hug, and this ensues:
Deacon: "How are you doing?"
Me: "I'm okay."
Deacon: "Really?"
Me: "No..."
Deacon: "Claire, you can save so many souls. Thousands. You are a young Carmelite."
Me: "I'm trying. Thank you..."

He made my day. (Well, that, and an 11:30pm) pep talk from my friend last night.)

I am still scared, and I hurt a lot. I feel like my limbs are going to fall off. But I'm trying.