FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Hey y'all. Is it possible to not have a vocation? Lately my doubts have been very strong, and I'm almost convinced that I don't even have a vocation. I talked to my SD about some of my doubts, and I don't really want to make an appointment, come back to him the following week ans have more problems than when I started. Any advice is appreciated. FCC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 No, everybody has a vocation in life, simply by virtue of being alive. We are all made to purpose. The trouble comes when we start to see that purpose as being very fixed and concrete, like finding a specific job, and start getting upset if we don't just quietly glide into a monastery or a marriage. Sometimes on Vocation Station I see people trying to find 'signs' that they are called to a particular place ("I felt such a deep peace in the monastery, I just know it's my home for life") who then get upset if they become interested in another person or lose patience for hours of silent prayer. If they enter their monastery and then decide to leave, they worry that they've failed. In reality, a feeling of peace in a monastery is not an automatic sign that you must live and die there - it's a sign that it's a peaceful place, and like all humans we respond well to that. Equally, falling in love with a friend is not an automatic sign that you must marry him - it's a sign that you have the capacity to love in this way. Our thoughts and feelings are many-layered, and often good. It's not a question of weeding out all the 'wrong' thoughts until you arrive at the 'right' one, which will clearly outline God's plan for you. Remember God is infinite; He does not think like we do, in terms of a finite number of possibilities. It is possible that you could fulfil this purpose (your eventual sainthood) through many different ways of life. Ultimately what you do is your choice. The crucial thing is to make sure that every choice you make is made with as much love and faith in Jesus as you can muster. What you say about your spiritual director sounds very clinical, almost as though he is a doctor and your confusion is a symptom that you want to get the better of before you see him again, so that he can give you a precise 'diagnosis'. That's not the point of spiritual direction. Sometimes the best and simplest way forward means not thinking about 'big' vocation choices, but just focusing on the minutiae of daily life - your relationships with your family, your friends, how to help in your community, and so on. The 'big' choices are made up of a thousand little choices, and the journey is often scenic. Enjoy the walk. God will get you to the right place in the right time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 No, it's not possible to not have a vocation. You are called to something. Remember, a vocation could be described as the best way for you to love God throughout your whole life. He wants you to love Him, so He made something (a person, a consecrated state, a community) for you to do so. It is, however, possible to not have a [i]religious[/i] vocation. Be gentle with yourself. I know you probably don't like hearing this, but most people don't know what they are called to in life when they are 12 or 13. Some have a beautiful gift to "know" (even though they can't live it) from the earliest years, but for others, it takes a lot of time. This isn't something you need to stress out about at all. Just live each day for Jesus. You might find yourself loving high school, going to college, dating a boy before firmly realizing your vocation, and that's ok. Knowing in college and entering later doesn't make you any less holy than someone who enters right out of high school. Both are a great gift. I think it's hard to read things like St. Therese, St. Maria Goretti, etc. at a young age, because inherently, you start comparing your spiritual life with theirs. For St. Therese, First Communion was a spiritual mountaintop, she saw a Marian statue come to life, she was rushing past the papal guard all in an effort to live her vocation. But in the down and dirty, as much as we would like to be like St. Therese, most of us live pretty mundane lives, even if they are given to Jesus. The thing I remember most about my first communion was how much I didn't like getting my hair brushed by my grandmother. For most of us, heroic virtue comes in the day-to-day, and we might not get anywhere close to saintlike, or at least not till later in life! Strive to be holy, but don't strive to be someone you aren't. *If this hasn't been a problem for you, ignore this advice!!! If I were you, I'd make an appointment with your SD. Be open and honest about your doubts. He could suggest visiting a community to help you see joy in the life, he could recommend you take some time off from discernment, or any number of things. But he'll help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1341141868' post='2451100'] Hey y'all. Is it possible to not have a vocation? Lately my doubts have been very strong, and I'm almost convinced that I don't even have a vocation. I talked to my SD about some of my doubts, and I don't really want to make an appointment, come back to him the following week ans have more problems than when I started. Any advice is appreciated. FCC [/quote] Return to your baptismal promises and the gifts with which you've been endowed. Go inside and dwell with Jesus and Mary in your heart. St John Baptist de LaSalle said that if he received an inspiration, he left it to God to make the first move, otherwise he could be deceiving himself. Concentrate on the cloister of the heart, and let Him do the beckoning. Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filius_angelorum Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Let's put it this way. Is it possible that God does not want you to go to heaven? The answer is obviously, "no". So, you have at least one vocation every day, to do what is necessary to get to heaven. Add up thousands of days pursuing that goal, and you have a life-long vocation. Some people have a prescient knowledge of what lies ahead for their vocation. Some do not. Some start out with certainty and then have it taken away from them, like St. John of the Cross or Mother Theresa. I rather like the story of St. Philip Neri who went off to Rome to become a hermit. He managed to become a tutor, a volunteer in a hospital, a priest, and the founder of a community, but never a hermit. He used to tell his confessor, some say, that "he never did a single good thing in his life". Yet he is a saint, and perhaps would not have become the "Apostle of Rome", the second principal Patron for the Sacred City, had he actually become a hermit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 Thanks guys. I am just really confused. I don't feel like I'd be good at any vocation. I'd be a croutonspy mom, and I'm be a croutonspy nun too. I don't even know anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filius_angelorum Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 You know the answer to your own question. Is God going to send you to hell for being a clumsy wife or a faulty nun? Nope, provided that each day you take the next step to Him. I suggest you read Blessed John Henry Newman's poem, "Lead Kindly Light" and sing it to yourself often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filius_angelorum Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 And I agree with the above sentiments on reading about saints like Therese or Dominic Savio at a young age. Too often they invite unfortunate comparisons that do more harm than good. For young men and women, better to focus on the fun saints, the warrior saints, the women who had visions and took on Popes. Child saints help us grown-ups to become more childlike, but they should not be foisted onto a child like a supposedly-pious "Why can't you be more like your brother?" statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 [quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1341148804' post='2451115'] I think it's hard to read things like St. Therese, St. Maria Goretti, etc. at a young age, because inherently, you start comparing your spiritual life with theirs. For St. Therese, First Communion was a spiritual mountaintop, she saw a Marian statue come to life, she was rushing past the papal guard all in an effort to live her vocation. But in the down and dirty, as much as we would like to be like St. Therese, most of us live pretty mundane lives, even if they are given to Jesus. The thing I remember most about my first communion was how much I didn't like getting my hair brushed by my grandmother. For most of us, heroic virtue comes in the day-to-day, and we might not get anywhere close to saintlike, or at least not till later in life! Strive to be holy, but don't strive to be someone you aren't. . [/quote] It's funny you mention Maria Goretti and St. Therese, they're my Confirmation saints (I have two). Anywho, I think this is right on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Also, FCC, I know you are going through a hard time right. Please remember how much you are loved by people in real life and by your phamily in VS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaberry Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) [quote name='beatitude' timestamp='1341148678' post='2451114'] No, everybody has a vocation in life, simply by virtue of being alive. We are all made to purpose. The trouble comes when we start to see that purpose as being very fixed and concrete, like finding a specific job, and start getting upset if we don't just quietly glide into a monastery or a marriage. Sometimes on Vocation Station I see people trying to find 'signs' that they are called to a particular place ("I felt such a deep peace in the monastery, I just know it's my home for life") who then get upset if they become interested in another person or lose patience for hours of silent prayer.[/quote] That's me! I do see the advice you are giving to FCC, which is not to go about her discernment completely by feelings. Be careful not to overhaul religious life/vocations of all their romance though. They are gloriously romantic, just like marriage! The trouble comes when people focus too much on the glitter and romance and forget about the everyday mundane things, which the life mostly consists of. FCC, they say only those who feel unworthy of a vocation will be truly successful in it. You seem to be highly qualified for both the married an religious state according to that standard! Your humility really shines through, which is great. The problem is that I am not sure if it is a healthy humility, which is seeing yourself as you truly are. I hate to see you referring to yourself as less than you are, which you must be, or you wouldn't be loved by so many! If you were as crummy as you think yourself to be, you wouldn't have so many friends! My only advice would be to put 'vocation' out of your brain and just focus on God. Sometimes we can focus so much on serving God (in this instance in the form of your vocation) that we forget about Him. Not that that is what you are doing, but I know it happened with me in my discernment! God bless. Edited July 1, 2012 by emmaberry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Its taken me about 17 years to finally accept that I might have a vocation to religious life. Does God love me any less for my dawdling. No, in fact it just shows how patient He is with me. Talk to you spiritual director about this, he's in the best position to help you. You have a vocation. That's a fact. What it is is not clear yet. Two prayers I found very helpful when plagued with doubts, 'The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord', and 'As God pleases, as God wills.' And what every one else has said. God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 AND, I feel like if I did get married that I would let down the people who DO believe I can attain a religious vocation, and gratify those who don't. I know that's messed up, but it's really how I feel at the moment. And if I become a wife and mother I feel like I'd be a horrible person to teach them about discernment. I don't want that. I also feel like I'd be an awful nun. I can't get up at 7, let alone 5:30. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filius_angelorum Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I thought we were talking about you...not other people. They can't get to heaven for you. And if you marry and send two kids off to the monastery or seminary or both, the others won't have much gratification or dismay over your decision, now, will they? You are in my prayers. Now stop thinking about your vocation until you can do so in peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Prayers for you , FCC. (As much as I wish I could offer some incredibly profound advice, everyone else has said things much better than I can think of right now. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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