How Does One Find A Spiritual Director?

[MIKolbe]

do you just go up to your priest and say, "hey, wanna be my spiritual director?"

[CatherineM]

Pretty much. Be ready to explain why you need one. If he says no or he doesn't have time, ask him to recommend someone.

[cappie]

The best recommendation that I can give you is from the wisdom of St John of the Cross as quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church in number 2690:
"The person wishing to advance toward perfection should ‘take care into whose hands he entrusts himself, for as the master is, so will the disciple be, and as the father is so will be the son."

In other words, look to put yourself into the hands of someone whom you admire for their personal sanctity and life of prayer.

Perhaps the first thing you should do is get to know your priest better. Ask for an appointment to speak with him, or participate in a parish activity that allows you more contact with him. When you engage in this way, you will get to know another side of your priest that you may not be able to see during a homily and that may dispel some of your worries (and hopefully not add to them).

When you finally do have that one on one meeting (that can be in or outside of confession), ask him about your challenges. Are his answers prayerful ones? Do they bring peace? Is there anything that doesn’t seem to ring true with respect Catholic morals and doctrine? Does he recommend prayer and greater self discipline or self denial? Does he push you towards holiness? When you leave, do you feel challenged towards being more generous with Christ? I think that these are the types of questions you should have in mind regarding the holiness and preparation of that person that you have chosen as spiritual guide.

Just, a word about parish priests and spiritual direction. No ecclesiastical rule exists on this point. Each parish priest will offer or not offer spiritual direction as he sees fit, in accordance with his possibilities, training, and pastoral priorities. Quite often, parish priests decide not to offer ongoing spiritual direction. And this is very understandable. If a priest’s parish has 2,000 families, and 10 percent of those families asked for regular spiritual direction, the priest would have to spend 100 hours a month in this ministry alone! Parish priests juggle a mind-boggling amount of demands on their time. It helps to keep this in mind. Sometimes we can feel that we are being personally rejected when someone denies our request for spiritual direction, but we shouldn’t. So many other factors can be at work.

Ask

My first suggestion is to continue prayer of petition. Keep asking God each day to grant you the guidance you need, and to give you a spiritual director, if it be his will. And trust that God will continue to guide you as you continue your search. He cares even more than you do about your growth in spiritual maturity, about your true, lasting happiness. If you continue to place your life in his hands, day after day, you will give his grace more and more space to work wonders in your soul.

Seek

Secondly, as you continue to ask God to do his part, you should keep on doing your part – searching. Jesus affirmed, “Ask, and you shall receive!” But he also exhorted, “Seek, and you shall find; knock, and the door shall be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). So keep asking, but also keep seeking and knocking. While you look, don’t be afraid to ask a priest for individual appointments when you feel that you really need some spiritual guidance. Even though many priests can’t commit to ongoing spiritual direction, most make themselves available to meet with people who have questions or particular struggles they need to speak about.

Keep Growing

Thirdly, what should you do in the meantime? Continue to grow in your prayer life, continue to frequent the sacraments, continue to seek to know, love, and imitate Christ in your daily life (above all, seeking his will), continue to form virtue and overcome vice, and continue to nourish your mind with good Catholic literature. You are doing all of those things already; keep doing them! Keep seeking to “draw closer to God” and “he will draw closer to you” (James 4:8). And while you do, remember the spiritual principle that frustration and discouragement never come from the Holy Spirit. If you are making a decent effort to do what you can to find solid and stable spiritual guidance and to follow Christ each day, God will guide you. Take confidence in that. Trust in him.