Envy Of Other People's Vocations

[beatitude]

Do any of you ever feel jealous of other people's vocations?

Part of me still wishes very much that I were called to be a contemplative nun. After a journey of several years, I've discovered that consecrated life in the world is my way forward, and I'm discerning with a secular institute that places great emphasis on Eucharistic adoration, deep humility, and solidarity with the most disadvantaged people everywhere - 'the least of these'. At the same time I feel wistful when I watch people here going off to monasteries, and sometimes I wish it was me.

I know that in all likelihood this is down to two things: the famous 'grass is greener' syndrome and the fact that currently I'm not praying anywhere nearly enough. (I'm not just saying this, I know it - I need to pray more.) Does anybody else feel like this, and if so, why?

[Spem in alium]

I wouldn't say jealous as much as being inspired by them. When I see people who have heard their call, or when I come into contact with someone who's discerning, it just makes me more motivated to strengthen my own discernment. I try and use the examples I see to make me the best wife, sister, nun or single woman I can be.

One thing I have been envious of in the past is certainty. A few times now I've heard people saying that they [i]know[/i] God is calling them to a particular vocation. While at the moment I don't see how I personally can be certain, I do sometimes wish for the knowledge that others claim to have, or for a deepened spiritual and prayer life (but I know it's up to me to strengthen that).
I imagine envy or jealousy wouldn't be uncommon with discerners. It's hard to see people who seem so sure and firm in their faith and calling while we are struggling. I think it's important to keep in mind that each discernment process or vocation is different. There may be two women called to the same religious community, but their processes of being called could be exceptionally different. Each discernment process is special and challenging in its own right.

Not sure if this is the kind of thing you're thinking of, but it's something I've felt in the past and even until recently.

[OnlySunshine]

I used to feel such envy at other peoples' vocations. It really used to bother me that I wasn't being patient enough with God to allow Him to show me where He wanted me. I sometimes wished I had a contemplative vocation in Carmel or the Poor Clares, but I know I would not be happy there. I truly feel that God wants me in the world, to work as a missionary Sister. I feel such joy at the thought of "The Summons" and, when I read the book "Come & See" by Fr. Stefano Manelli, there was a chapter in there about missionaries. It stirred my heart because it made me realize how many people in the world don't know God and there is no one there to teach them. I can embrace St. Therese because she desired to be a missionary, but I can also embrace the world. I don't feel envious anymore, but I have terrific respect for those who are called to contemplative life.

[emmaberry]

Absolutely. Some people would seem so sure..so confident in God's timing and make you feel like a spiritual infant compared to their heroic trust and faith. That can be very difficult..

I met with a novice on my Roswell PCC visit and I have to say, I was totes jelly of her. She adored her vocation and could not stop praising God for how lucky she was to be called to the contemplative life-it was so inspiring, but it also made my heart twinge, because seeing someone so far beyond me in holiness really wounds my pride (and thank God it does!) She kept saying, "Everything outside (the enclosure) was not enough. It was not enough!" I asked her if the cloistered life was enough. "It is enough!," she said while just beaming. Again, I was thrilled for her but it also made me want that contentedness and fulfillment she so obviously felt.

Prayers for you beatitude. Working through discernment is the hardest thing some of us will ever have to do.

[cmaD2006]

Yes I've been jealous/envious of another person's vocation, especially if it is going well.

It is hard at times accepting the path that God has given you. Especially while things aren't clearly defined.

I think the jealousy gets diminished once you know you're on your way to what God wants.

Finally I do have to say that for me it is not pleasing to hear when someone is struggling (some people get both ... jealousy and this sort of "revenge" like feeling).

Edited June 28, 2012 by cmariadiaz

[maximillion]

It is slightly different for me having 'been there done that'.

What I do occasionally struggle with are thoughts and feelings that I gave up too easily on the gift of my vocation or that I didn't try hard enough ( persevere!)

However, these are occasional thoughts and feelings, and yes, I do sometimes feel a little envious of those who are going off to enter.
It brings it all back, and I miss them!

In addition, I also occasionally feel a twinge of envy for those in the world who are sure about their life's path and are in line with His will, fulfilled, and bearing fruit...............
I think it's part of being human that we compare ourselves ( mostly unfavourably) with others.This is often the root of our envy/jealousy - it points up areas where we perhaps might feel lacking. In fact we need to hold ourselves in the same light as we do those we are watching, and know we are both loved and beloved, and doing the best we are able, if this is genuinely the case.

[BarbTherese]

I feel pretty much the same I think as some others. When I watch some of the videos on the computer of novices receiving the habit, even postulants entering for the first time, religious making final vows and the beautiful ceremonies in a lovely chapel setting and all the ceremony of The Church, when I see pictures or videos of monasteries, their chapels and their interior and gardens, yeah I feel an envy. When I see a religous habit that really appeals and then consider my own ..um.... 'wardrobe', yeah I can feel an envy. But then when I reason, that I have been there and done that and it wasn't for me, when I think about my own vocation and leaving it for a monastic situation, my envy turns to gratitude that I am where I am. I can feel a twinge of envy say walking on a jetty and a man and woman walking arm in arm and talking joyfully on a beautiful day - and here am I walking alone probably considering some 'problem'. But when I come down to earth and think about leaving my call to marry even the very best of men, I feel gratitude that I am where I am and about what I am about, as mundane and/or challenging as it can be at times. I can miss the even paced life in the main in a monastic community, especially when my days become hectic. But again when I reason leaving this call in order to enter that even paced life (as I experienced it), I am happy to be where I am and about whatever I am about.

When I am having 'bad hair day' and everything is going amiss, I have learnt that with me personally, one good night's sleep (and I sleep 'like a rock'. I die when I sleep and am reborn next morning it feels) and next morning I am over yesterday completely and ready to dive into the day, even if it is going to be a 'bad hair day' again. I'll probably start to feel down and annoyed as the day progresses, but another good night's sleep and I am over it all again..........even if it does repeat. We were 'talking' in another thread about feelings, and we can't help often what we feel. Its what we do with what we feel that counts. So on 'bad hair days' I work through it as best I can (sometimes really well, sometimes mediocre, sometimes absolutely appalling) knowing that every minute pas sing is closer to evening and a good night's sleep and The Sacrament of Reconciliation so I dont loose the plot completely on "totally appalling days" when the plot went astray somewhat, or almost totally - or even totally.

Edit: I have good days too and a bit of reflection tells me that 'bad hair days' are very thankfully a minority.

Edited June 28, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[AccountDeleted]

I think that is why I love Shakespeare's Sonnet 29 so much. He admits to envying others their state in life but then remembers his own love and everything changes. He starts out comparing himself to others and ends up with a song in his heart.

If we can just take that next step beyond envy of others (so human of us though), to actually looking at all the blessings that God is showering upon us personally, then I think we can get a better perspective on things. I had some kind of 'realisation' once that every soul in the world is being given exactly what it needs by our Creator and therefore there is never any reason to ever feel envy or resentment about what another has. Of course that kind of realisation doesn't stay with one all the time, but it is a good thing to reflect back upon when we get too much into the 'woe is me' category. Or even the 'why' and 'why not' mind-set. God knows each human heart and soul intimately and everything He allows has the potential to bring us closer to Him which is the ultimate aim of human life any way, isn't it?


[b]SONNET 29[/b]

[i][font=Tahoma]When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, [/font][font=Tahoma]I[/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]all alone beweep my outcast state [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]And look upon myself and curse my fate, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]With what I most enjoy contented least; [/font][/i]

[i][font=Tahoma]Y[/font][/i][i][font=Tahoma]et in these thoughts myself almost despising, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Haply I think on thee, and then my state, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Like to the lark at break of day arising [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]That then I scorn to change my state with kings. [/font][/i]

--Shakespeare

[Gemma]

Look at the root of such feelings. We know envy to be a sin, so I have to reconcile myself to what I'm going through.

God is a jealous God, and He wants our hearts for Himself. We have to work on the cloister within so that we can Live Jesus in the world.

St. John Baptist de LaSalle said that if he had an inspiration, he would let God make the first move. I tell ppl that if God wants you to have something, He will either lead you there without you knowing that you're being led ("I think I'll go for a walk") or someone/something will come to you.

Concentrate on the cloister within. As one blogger puts it, his cloister wall is composed of the two panels of his scapular.

Blessings,
Gemma

[savvy]

In the beginning, I wondered why things would work out for others and not for me. It took a while to gain a sense of maturity about my vocation and understanding of religious life in general. If there is one thing, I have learnt is that it's not about what I want, it's about what God wants for me.

Religious life is not one dimensional. To an outsider it can seem that way, but once you start exploring different rules, and charisms, it's like a whole universe opens up to you. It's easy to get confused about where to go, which is why the place God picks for you is the place where you will be happy.

[emmaberry]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1340881360' post='2449913']
[b]SONNET 29[/b]

[i][font=Tahoma]When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, [/font][font=Tahoma]I[/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]all alone beweep my outcast state [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]And look upon myself and curse my fate, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]With what I most enjoy contented least; [/font][/i]

[i][font=Tahoma]Y[/font][/i][i][font=Tahoma]et in these thoughts myself almost despising, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Haply I think on thee, and then my state, [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]Like to the lark at break of day arising [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings [/font][/i]
[i][font=Tahoma]That then I scorn to change my state with kings. [/font][/i]

--Shakespeare
[/quote]

Thanks for this nunsense! I love that there are fellow poetry enthusiasts, especially Shakespeare. here on PM! What a beautiful sonnet!