Do You Think This Is Possible To Achieve?

[Vincent Vega]

[quote name='maximillion' timestamp='1340823564' post='2449519']
It is not SO long ago that waiting was entirely the norm......

When I was six or seven years old no one lived together un wed, no one who thought anything of their self respect 'did it', and if they did they were pretty much condemned. Not that I agree with the condemnation, but, if this was standard practice (waiting) within my memory then there is nothing so unusual about it.
And it wasn't just Catholics, it was more or less everyone.
[/quote]
People throughout history have always been affected by our fallen nature, people throughout history have always been tempted by all clarsees of immorality, and (some) people throughout history have always given into temptation. Whether they talked about it is another question entirely, and certainly it was not accepted or glorified by popular culture in times past, but it's silly to think that pre-marital sex is an innovation of the past 10/20/30/40/50/100/200/500/1000 years.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='USAirwaysIHS' timestamp='1340839127' post='2449681']all clarsees of immorality, [/quote]

[Vincent Vega]

[img]http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/7/24/128929426484605766.jpg[/img]

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1340825823' post='2449543']
You might throw this out the window if you find a man you're irresistibly drawn to lol
[/quote]

I already am kind of drawn to someone. So if things progress there, or if I find someone else I'm very much drawn to, things may change. But I do doubt it

[quote name='Byzantine' timestamp='1340827106' post='2449562']
Does that include hugs?
[/quote]

I'm not as decided there. I do think some kind of hugs can lead to an occasion for sin, so I would try and avoid that. But I don't see much of a problem with side hugs or less tight hugs where the people are facing each other. I hug my friends like that, so perhaps it's acceptable to extend it to a significant other as well.

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1340827735' post='2449573']
I think it's going to depend largely on the personalities of the people involved. What I mean by that is that some people have a stronger "need" for touching (as in hugging and hand holding and that sort of thing). In high school and college I would hold hands with my guy friends and hug them frequently. While I'm not one of those people who hugs anyone, I like hugs from friends, and it would be very silly to freely hug other people and then refuse to hug my significant other or make a big deal about holding his hand. But if someone isn't a touchy sort of person and that sort of thing indicates something larger, then it would be different. And I have known people who didn't kiss their significant other until their wedding, so that is definitely achievable. And while it was not for me, I find it admirable when people are able to do that. I do, however, get frustrated when people who are waiting to kiss until marriage act like it's horrible when other people don't (I don't think you think this way, but I have known people who do) and are sinning if they are kissing, when there is actually no sin involved.
[/quote]

Physical contact means a lot to me. I was a very affectionate child and still am instinctively affectionate now, but I didn't receive much physical affection at all while I was growing up (especially not from my mother). I still don't receive it much, and I think a lack of being hugged or held has made me value these things more. When I was younger (and even sometimes nowadays), if someone would hug me I'd get really emotional (to the point of crying my eyes out). Being close to someone physically does hold a significance for me. It took a long time for me to break boundaries and stop getting so pathetically emotional when I met and made friends with people who actually wanted to hug me.

I can see how hugging people but not my significant other could be silly, and it's an issue I'm trying to work out. I accept that my views on physical contact may be considered archaic or old-fashioned by some people, but it's just how I've grown to think and feel. Kissing and hugging are things that people don't really do much for me, so they've become special in my heart.

No, I'm not at all that way. I accept that while I don't want to be intimate, other people may want to express themselves that way. It can be a beautiful expression of love. So it's perfectly fine with me

[quote name='USAirwaysIHS' timestamp='1340839127' post='2449681']
People throughout history have always been affected by our fallen nature, people throughout history have always been tempted by all clarsees of immorality, and (some) people throughout history have always given into temptation. Whether they talked about it is another question entirely, and certainly it was not accepted or glorified by popular culture in times past, but it's silly to think that pre-marital sex is an innovation of the past 10/20/30/40/50/100/200/500/1000 years.
[/quote]

Thanks, that was interesting to think about It's easy to forget that it's a very old practice.

[Amppax]

nvm. I'm guessing someone covered my points.

ianwp

Edited June 28, 2012 by Amppax

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Amppax' timestamp='1340845896' post='2449731']
nvm. I'm guessing someone covered my points.

ianwp
[/quote]

you are not wearing pantaloons???

[Amppax]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1340846264' post='2449738']
you are not wearing pantaloons???
[/quote]

Helps me think better.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Amppax' timestamp='1340846485' post='2449742']
Helps me think better.
[/quote]

fair enough.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1340834143' post='2449648']
i am wishing those pantaloons?
[/quote]

I thought it meant "washing." My bad.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1340784064' post='2449370']
I am currently thinking deeply about my vocation and discernment. I have come to the conclusion that if I were called to marriage, I would not want to be intimate (nothing really extending beyond hand-holding) with my future husband (or any guys I date) until after marriage. For several reasons, I want to save intimacy for marriage if that is where I am called.

I expressed my view to a close friend recently, and she argued that such an idea couldn't possibly work, that I was living in a kind of fantasy and that I'd have a hard time finding a guy who'd want to hold back on intimacy.

Do you think what my friend said is right? Is what I desire impossible to achieve?
[/quote]

There are many guys who feel the same way you do.

The trick is to bring together the guys and ladies who feel this way.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Norseman82' timestamp='1340864636' post='2449873']
There are many guys who feel the same way you do.

The trick is to bring together the guys and ladies who feel this way.
[/quote]

That is rearseuring. I am yet to hear of another woman who wants to keep kissing until after marriage, and I know of only one guy who feels the same way I do. I do worry sometimes that my ideals are too high, that withholding most intimacy is too much to ask from someone...or even if it is too much to ask from myself.
Guess the key is just to be patient, open and trusting in God. If I am called to marriage, I know that God will lead me to a man who will help me glorify Him. I just need to wait and pray for my true calling to be revealed.

Edited June 28, 2012 by Spem in alium

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1340793944' post='2449380']
It's great to know there are actually guys out there who want the same thing. Intimacy seems to be a big requirement for most males I know.
[/quote]

Count me in as at least the second guy on earth that agrees with you. Maybe it's a trait for those discerning the Priesthood?

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1340865668' post='2449876']
That is rearseuring. I am yet to hear of another woman who wants to keep kissing until after marriage, and I know of only one guy who feels the same way I do. I do worry sometimes that my ideals are too high, that withholding most intimacy is too much to ask from someone...or even if it is too much to ask from myself.
Guess the key is just to be patient, open and trusting in God. If I am called to marriage, I know that God will lead me to a man who will help me glorify Him. I just need to wait and pray for my true calling to be revealed.
[/quote]

To me, if a guy doesn't love you enough to respect your completely practical wishes (Though they may be hard to follow at times) than he isn't really the guy for you. As a husband and father he will be dying to himself for his family. How is he to properly do this when he can't keep himself from holding your hand?

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1340866454' post='2449882']
Count me in as at least the second guy on earth that agrees with you. Maybe it's a trait for those discerning the Priesthood?
[/quote]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1340866547' post='2449883']
To me, if a guy doesn't love you enough to respect your completely practical wishes (Though they may be hard to follow at times) than he isn't really the guy for you. As a husband and father he will be dying to himself for his family. How is he to properly do this when he can't keep himself from holding your hand?
[/quote]

Thanks, FP I really appreciate what you've said. Hand-holding isn't as big an issue as kissing for me, but it still can be an issue. I try to offer everything to God in glory or sacrifice. While hugging, kissing or holding hands with someone aren't in themselves sinful, they can lead to negative consequences. I've seen people drawn into relationships that are based merely on that level of romance and suffer as a result. I'm not doubting that these things are very enjoyable to experience and that they bring feelings of ecstasy or joy with them, but in not being intimate, any ulterior motives would be avoided. I wouldn't be engaging in a relationship with someone who was out to use me or was purely interested in physical pursuits. And deep down, I would not like to get married someday and remember myself kissing someone else

If I were to be married, this would be the ideal situation. I'm not usually an idealist, but it's something I hope to try and strive for.

[Byzantine]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1340866547' post='2449883']
To me, if a guy doesn't love you enough to respect your completely practical wishes (Though they may be hard to follow at times) than he isn't really the guy for you. As a husband and father he will be dying to himself for his family. How is he to properly do this when he can't keep himself from holding your hand?
[/quote]

This.